The Whitest Things to Ever Happen on 'Gilmore Girls'

Image via Complex Original

Episode: Season 1, Episode 14

Whiteness Rating: Five pinches of selective white people nostalgia

Okay, so this episode low-key revealed Dean as sexist trash (he just loves a woman who stays home and cooks for her family, you know!) and young, naive Rory decided to play into his fantasies for one night by dressing up as Donna Reed, who, in the '50s and '60s, played a housewife on TV. She puts on a pearl necklace and prepares a home-cooked meal for Dean even though homegirl should've ditched his weird, jealous ass long ago. This Donna Reed makeover is uncomfortable for many reasons, yes, but also let's not forget how much white people love dressing up in old timey clothes because it's cute and nostalgic, even though Jim Crow or whatever. Anyway, don't mind me, just talking shit. —Kristen Yoonsoo Kim

Episode: Season 2, Episode 6

Whiteness Rating: A spotless set of elbow-length gloves

You know you're watching a hella white show when there is a freakin' debutante ball involved (looking at you, The O.C. and Gossip Girl). Despite all of Lorelai's resistance against her family's white privilege ass background, Rory agrees to "come out"—white dress, elbow gloves, the whole damn thing—while surrounded by other white girls who whole-heartedly believe debutante balls are a make-or-break in society type of function. Also, there's a fan dance in this episode and you can't help but laugh at the elite silliness of it all. —Kristen Yoonsoo Kim

Episode: Season 3, Episode 7

Whiteness Rating: 24 hours worth of egg salad sandwiches

This episode will always be fire for Dean finally growing a pair and calling Rory out for her blatant disrespect (back when Dean was just the sympathy-endearing woefully doting simp and not a better townie cheat). Son had to watch his girl flirt with Jess right in front of him for like, a season and a half. But where does he finally cut the cord? Why, at the town's 24-hour dance marathon of course! Almost all of Stars Hollow's weird-ass events—a big percentage of the town, and the show itself's charm, make no mistake—were basically inherently white af, but this takes the cake. You can bet there was no Soul Train shuffling or electric sliding during any of this. And to drive the overwhelmingly Caucasian aesthetic home—the meal on deck is Mrs. Kim's egg salad sandwiches.—Frazier Tharpe

Episode: Season 5, Episode 7

Whiteness Rating: Knowing WTF "Skull and Bones" is

When Rory goes to Yale, she gets involved with rich white asshole Logan Huntzberger (heir to a media empire) and while on a journalistic mission, ends up at a weird getaway with the school's secret society, Life and Death Brigade, full of other rich white assholes. It involves, like, glamping, and crazy shit like jumping off scaffolding while holding an umbrella and wearing black tie attire. The exact kind of shit white people be into. There was also that Life and Death Brigade party where they weren't allowed to use words that have the letter "E," if you can believe it. All of Yale culture is super white (lol, remember when Richard was part of the Yale's men's choir called The Whiffenpoofs), but this secret society stuff takes the cake. —Kristen Yoonsoo Kim

Episodes: Seasons 5 through 6

Whiteness Rating: One rich grandparents' pool house that makes The O.C. pool house look like a Manhattan studio apartment

Man, this is just brimming with hilariously gross white privilege. Of course, having rich grandparents to fall back on is in the DNA of the series, but it's also the cushion ballooned in this mid-series arc.

Let's recap: Rory's rich jerkoff boyfriend's rich newspaper magnate dad tells her she doesn't have the chops to be the next Christiane Amanpour. A debilitating bummer for sure, but truly, who could afford to let one dude convince them to torch two years of Y-A-L-E just like that? Why, someone with Old Money millionaires for grandparents of course! At least Lorelai didn't pretend to tolerate that horseshit—but it led to one of the series' least enjoyable arcs: the mother-daughter schism. And whoo boy was Rory unlikable. Like, she lashed out by stealing...a boat? Super white crime, b. Then she threw herself a felon party with Logan's yuppie friends and—it gets whiter!—took a job working at the D.A.R. That's Daughters *handclap emoji* of the *handclap emoji* American Revolution. I rest my case. —Frazier Tharpe

Episode: Season 6, Episode 15

Whiteness Rating: One head-to-toe Vineyard Vines alphet

​The entirety of this episode takes place at Rory's spoiled rich boyfriend's crib on Martha's Vineyard. That's all I need to say. —Frazier Tharpe

Episode: Recurring

Whiteness Rating: Mad loaves of Wonder Bread

Lorelai once said her main food groups were candy, popcorn, and pizza, and my god do these Gilmore girls eat like actual garb. Their palates can only be described as white af—every morning it's pancakes or donuts, and every night it's burgers and fries at Luke's Diner. On movie nights, it's pizza with every single candy available from Doose's Market. (It's more astounding how all that junk food has zero effect on their bodies or health but suspension of disbelief, yadi yadi ya.) The most exotic part of the Gilmore diet is take-out Chinese, which somehow makes them seem even whiter. There's this one episode where Richard Gilmore says he doesn't like "exotic food" (let's be real, he's probably talking about tacos). Poor Rory has to order Indian when her mother is out of town, and Lorelai tells her to burn the house down afterwards to get the smell out (umm is that kind of racist or...). But the actual whitest meal the Gilmores ever had was probably when they were recreating "Asia" in their home and instead of eating real sushi, they ate candy sushi, made from Oreos and Red Hots. I'm sick, y'all. —Kristen Yoonsoo Kim

Episodes: Recurring

Whiteness Rating: Three aspiring Bon Ivers

This show is the only reason I even know the term "troubadour." Not only was there a recurring, wandering white man strumming sad tunes for added background #charm, but he eventually had a nemesis who in turn would branch out with his own pop-up farmers market. Then, once the troubadour scored an actual lucrative look, the town flooded with a dozen others searching for their own big break. Number of men hanging in front of Luke's Diner passing out mixtapes across seven seasons: zero. —Frazier Tharpe

Episodes: Recurring

Whiteness Rating: Snowblind

Let's count the people of color on this show. Michel the Frenchman. Lane the BFF. Lane's mom. Lane's cousin. And that's really all I got off top, as far as significant cast members or even vaguely recurring guest stars go. I get that it's set in Connecticut of all places, but Jesus. Stars Hollow, Chilton, Yale, the inn, the Dragonfly Inn...even Emily's most memorable maids are drawing a color blank. When The WB's lily white legacy is ridiculed, put Gilmore Girls at the top. —Frazier Tharpe

...And here's literally everything else that's white af about Gilmore Girls (whiteness rating: 1,000 pumpkin spice lattes):

• The goddamn theme song, y'all... Like, have you heard a whiter song?


• Literally all the "La La" songs that soundtrack the ~sincerest~ moments on the show.


• Rory's boyfriends (and flings, because Tristan Dugray), with the slight exception of Jess, were all unbearably white, and she saved the whitest (Logan) for last.


• That time Mia couldn't understand a single thing that came out of Michel's mouth because I guess if you don't speak with a very specific Connecticut twang, you may as well be speaking in tongues.


• Inns in general—a very white type of establishment.


• Who has town hall meetings?


• When the Stars Hollow residents reenacted a lame scene from the American Revolutionary War in full historic costumes.


• Literally everything about Richard and Emily's lifestyle.


• Ivy League drama: When Lorelai got mad at her father for trying to sway Rory towards Yale when the plan was Harvard all along. My goodness.

Have a super white moment to add? Tell us in the comments. —Kristen Yoonsoo Kim