Dang, the Fifty Shades sequel really did get darker as promised in the title. Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) and Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) are back at it in Fifty Shades Darker, still with absolutely zero chemistry. Christian is still whispering cryptic shit like "Intrigued?" "Curious?"... Like okay I thought we moved past this point in the relationship. Also did they ditch the whole BDSM thing altogether?? There's no evidence of it as far as I can tell. No whips, no handcuffs, no secret torture chamber. It's mostly just Dakota Johnson being like "NO MORE SECRETS" (yeah right okay sure) and Jamie Dornan smirking because guess what, I bet that trickster has mad secrets. I hope he says, "I'm fifty shades of fucked up" again, because I don't think that point was driven home enough in the last movie.

I ain't read the books so I have no idea what happens in Fifty Shades Darker but this trailer is cut like a horror movie so I'm going to assume it is one. 

1) This Miguel cover of "Crazy in Love" is HAUNTING, and I don't mean that in a good "I'm shook" way; like, it haunts me baaaad.

2) Jamie Dornan's acting: Frightful...ly BORING!!!!

3) Mysterious black SUVs... Def scary. 

4) Is this a ghost movie??? Why is Dakota Johnson shooting out of bed and fully hallucinating a ghostly girl by their bedside??? Is she a succubus? Because now I'm intrigued.

Like is this a new Insidious movie or what:

The James Foley-directed sequel is out Valentine's Day 2017.