While the eyes of the Internet are firmly fixed on the Google IO 2014 conference in San Francisco, we must point out that first steps of the inevitable war between man and machine have already been taken.

Japanese scientists (I demand to see credentials) have unveiled not one, but two, of the world's first news-reading androids. Aside from being the most non-threatening thing an android can do, reading the news was always thought to be a profession safe from automation. These eerily life-like pair of glorified sex droids can read the news, answer questions about their childhoods, and tell jokes about the weather.

We're all fucked.

First they read the news, then they're employed as sex workers, and then they're sending themselves back in time to make sure the future savior of the human race is never born. Kill them with fire and do it now.

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