The douchiness of Silicon Valley is no secret in pop culture. Stories of the tech industry's obnoxious habits are everywhere you look these days. Whether you get your douche updates from Valleywag, re-watching The Social Network, or first hand from your friend who went to SXSW, you probably have plenty of tales of San Franciscan douchebaggery. Amazingly, just when we think we've learned all there is to learn about the depths of douchery among the tech set, there is still so much further to dig down in to the depths of douche.
HBO's hilarious Silicon Valley gives us yet another glimpse into the shitty habits of the start-up set. From liquid shrimp to Nip Alert, let's take a look at the worst the tech world has to offer according to Mike Judge's newest offering. Here are 10 Things the Silicon Valley Premiere Taught Us About the Douchiness of Silicon Valley.
The denizens of Silicon Valley go out of their way to find stupid ways to spend their money.
"Liquid shrimp. 200 hundred dollars a quart. How does it taste? Like how I'd imagine cum tastes."
In Silicon Valley, they use words like "disrupt" in private.
"Yes, we're disrupting digital media, but most importantly we're making the world a better place through constructing elegant hierarchies for maximum code reuse and extensibility."
Social justice is the best branding.
"Hooli ... is making the world a better place through minimal message-oriented transport layers."
Tech incubators are just frat houses for nerds.
"Show some promise for fuck's sake. Like Nip Alert, Big Head's app. It gives you the location of a woman with erect nipples. Now that's something people want."
In the mind's of the tech world, every dumb idea deserves a Ted Talk.
"The true value of a college education is intangible" "
"The true value of snake oil is intangible as well."
There's more name-dropping in Silicon Valley than in Hollywood.
"When I sold my company Aviata, I wanted to give back. I wanted to do something big, make a difference, like Steve."
The awful platitudes you see on websites are plastered all over buildings in the valley.
"We can only achieve greatness if first we achieve goodness."
Apps are like screenplays.
"What do I do if I feel another panic attack comes on?"
"Would you be interested in a device that links up to your smart phone and it keeps track of your vitals ... OK, that's great news because my start-up partners are looking for investors like today."
Every dumb startup really does think they're special.
"I just want to say, I'd like for this company to be different than all the rest ... Let's just think different ... Don't think different. That's Apple. Umm, just do it."
Silicon Valley is one giant inferiority complex.
"For thousands of years, guys like us have gotten the shit kicked out us. But now, for the first time, we are living in an era where we can be in charge and build empires. We could be the Vikings of our day."
"Vikings? How are feeling? You look super fucked up to be honest."
[Images via HBO]
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