Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson are teaming up for the first time since 2008's Surfer, Dude, but this time, it's not some bromantic comedy. Rather HBO's True Detective, which premieres tonight at 9 p.m., stars the two impeccably tan blondes as a pair of small town Louisiana detectives trying to solve a 17-year-old murder case. Unlike earlier work from McConaughey and Harrelson, ain't shit funny about this show. There are no gratuitous ab shots. It's serious business for serious folks. So serious that it makes you miss their weirdness.

So we pretended that Harrelson and McConaughey weren't gunning for Emmys and reimagined the True Detective pilot as we remember them: as bros. 

Two cops from opposite sides of the tracks become partners.

At first, they butt heads. 

But every Twinkie in the state of Louisiana has gone missing. 

Forcing them to put aside their differences and work as a Twinkie caper-busting team.

Setbacks are plentiful, like the delicious cream filling of a Twinkie.

The stress takes a toll on their personal lives.

 When all hope is lost, they get their first lead.

A prostitute tells them that Twinkies are being used as drug mules, and that the delicious cream filling has been replaced with a dangerous concoction of meth and cocaine.

This, of course, sickens both detectives.

And they both vow never to stop until the monster is brought to justice. 

You'll have to wait until next week to learn more, as True Detective continues.

Written by Tara Aquino (@t_akino)  and Hope Schreiber (@HopeSchreiber)

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