Welp, this is likely the weirdest story you'll ever read about Elaine Stritch, Friends, and Third Rock From the Sun: In an excerpt from his autobiography, "Autobiography," Morrissey described a time he met Stritch, and was invited to guest-star in an episode of Friends as a depressed Central Perk singer.

Apparently, Morrissey ran into Stritch in L.A. and introduced himself, then she invited him to a filming of a Third Rock From the Sun episode she was set to appear in. According to Morrissey, she at one point spoke "minus any commas"—whatever that means—but OK, let's roll with this.

So, Morrissey heads to the taping the next day, which in itself isn't that weird—he describes asking Stritch if she knew Richard Conte (she didn't, because "how many thousands of years old do you think I am?"), then meeting everyone on set that Stritch introduced him to. A fun little anecdote, yes, but it's only when Morrissey describes returning to the same studio a few weeks later to watch an episode of Friends be filmed that things get strange:

I am back in the same studio some weeks later to watch a taping of Friends, having been invited by Reprise Records. Friends has become the most popular TV show in the world, showing life as it is commonly lived in America's carefully preserved unreality. The cast is friendly, and I am immediately taken aside by the scriptwriters and asked if I'd jump in on a newly jumbled plot-line where I appear with the character Phoebe in the Central Perk diner, where I am requested to sing 'in a really depressing voice'. Within seconds of the proposal, I wind down the fire-escape like a serpent, and it's goodbye to Hollywood yet again.

"I wind down the fire-escape like a serpent" in response to being asked to guest star on an episode of Friends is probably the best line any of us will read today and nothing should convince anyone otherwise.

You can check out the full excerpt over at Rolling Stone here

[via Rolling Stone]