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It's an acknowledged cliche of horror films: When characters have sex, they will probably die soon afterward. Sex and death—the creation of life and the ending of it—are two sides of the same coin, and have always been linked in art and literature.
Yet Shakespeare has nothing on the sight of young post-coital lovers being impaled by a psycho, or orgies that become a lot less fun when zombies or demons join in. No, for truly shocking displays of blood 'n boobs you really have to go with slasher movies and other forms of gory horror cinema.
This weekend,Texas Chainsaw 3D opens. It's a sequel to the 1974 film The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. There will be plenty of death to go around, but will any of the doomed characters pay the ultimate price for their morally casual attitudes? It's the horror-movie way, after all, as seen in this collection of 25 hot promiscuous characters who died in horror movies.
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Lindy Booth as Francine in Wrong Turn (2003)
A group of young people find themselves stranded in West Virginia; while several of them go for help, Francine and her boyfriend Evan get stay-with-the-car duty. A little oral sex ensues, then Evan heads into the woods. Francine follows, after awhile, and finds him. Well, some of him—OK, it's an ear and a shoe. She doesn't have a lot of time to process this horrifying discovery as an inbred cannibal shows up and kills her with barbed wire.
Paris Hilton as Paige Edwards in House of Wax (2005)
Paige wears skimpy red lingerie and makes out with her boyfriend Jake, but the fun comes to a screeching halt when a creepy guy shows up and whacks (get it? whacks!) them both. Paige is impaled, thus fulfilling the truth that any kiss in a horror movie is the kiss of death.
Kathleen Kinmont as Kelly Meeker in Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
Kelly is the sexy daughter of Sheriff Meeker, and has inherited none of his heroic prowess. With the entire town of Haddonfield, Illinois in serious danger of becoming a mass grave at the hands of murderin' Michael Myers, Kelly focuses on making out with Brady, who is another girl's boyfriend. Kelly buys the farm when Michael Myers shoves a shotgun through her torso.
Cerina Vincent as Marcy in Cabin Fever (2002)
Five college grads go for a weekend in the woods that is spoiled by the presence of a flesh-eating virus. Early in the movie, Marcy has sex with Jeff because she's horny; later, she has sex with Paul because she's afraid the virus is killing her. Which, of course, it is.
Marta Kober as Sandra Dier in Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
There are a lot of impalements on this list. It's only natural to wonder whether any of these promiscuous victims die in flagrante delicto with the boyfriend in a double impalement. And the answer is yes; Sandra and her boyfriend Jeff have their lovemaking rudely interrupted when Jason Voorhees puts a spear through them both. Shish kebab anyone?
Maureen Larrazabal as Lemmya Lofranco in Blood Surf (2001)
A group of entrepreneurs are hot to document their cool invented extreme sport: Blood surfing. You spread a bunch of chum in the water to attract sharks, then surf through them. What could possibly go wrong? Lots. Lemmya is a guide on a remote island; she has sex with one of the entrepreneurs and, predictably, is eaten alive by a monster for it.
Tamara Glynn as Samantha Thomas in Halloween 5 (1989)
Samantha and her boyfriend Spitz sneak off and have sex in a barn, and are soon after murdered by a masked psycho. Pretty standard stuff, when it comes to Mike Myers.
Dana Davis as Lisa Hines in Prom Night (2008)
All dolled up and at her high school prom, Lisa sneaks off for a makeout session with her boyfriend. She bumps into a creepy man in the elevator, but remains focused on her romantic rendezvous. Then, just as things are getting hot, the delayed realization hits her: He's going to kill Donna (Brittany Snow)! Lisa runs to try to save her friend but ends up with her throat slit.
Megan Fox as Jennifer in Jennifer's Body (2009)
Spoiler alert! Toward the end of the movie, Jennifer finally actually dies when her friend Needy (Amanda Seyfried) stabs her with a box cutter—that much is clear. The convoluted plot that brings us to that moment involves satanism, cannibalism, and gratuitous lesbianism. Yes, you heard that right: a steamy makeout session between Jennifer and Needy that is so unnecessary it virtually guarantees one of them will kill the other. Don't try to make sense of it, of any of it.
Beau Garrett as Amy in Turistas (2006)
A group of young American tourists gets stranded off the beaten path in Brazil, and are soon trapped by an organ-trafficking ring. But which of them will be the first unwilling donor? According to horror-film logic, it's Amy, based on the fact that she got topless on the beach. Bust out the girls at your own risk.
Jennifer Tilly as Tiffany in Bride of Chucky (1998)
Tiffany was the girlfriend of Victor Lee Ray, the serial killer whose soul possessed the doll known as Chucky in previous installments of the Child's Play series. She brings Chucky back from the dead, still intending to marry him, and is hurt when the doll informs her that marriage isn't in the cards, and never was.
In a sense, Tiffany's enduring love for her dead psycho killer boyfriend is the opposite of promiscuous; but you have to grant that her sexual feelings for a doll are at least perverted. Chucky doesn't debate the finer points too much, fatally electrocuting Tiffany by pushing a TV into her bathtub while she soaks.
Sarah Michelle Gellar as Helen Shivers in I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)
Helen and boyfriend Barry (Ryan Phillippe) do a bit of grinding on the beach at the beginning of this film; later that night, they're riding in a car that strikes a pedestrian, killing him. A year later, a mysterious figure seeking vengeance kills Helen outside the convenience store that is her family's business.
Jeannine Taylor as Marcie Cunningham in Friday the 13th (1980)
Camp counselors Marcie and Jack (Kevin Bacon) sneak into a cabin at Camp Crystal Lake to have sex. Little do they know that the dead body of their co-worker Ned is in the bunk above them the whole time, although it's really the dude under the bed who'll ruin their fun.
After sex, Jack is impaled on an arrow pushed up through the mattress by Jason Voorhees. Marcie is interrupted while showering and takes an axe in the face. Not an Axe Body Wash—an axe.
PJ Soles as Lynda van der Klok in Halloween (1978)
Halloween pioneered the slasher genre, and many of its scenes became cliches in the sequels and ripoffs that followed. So it is with Lydia and boyfriend Bob, who have sex and soon afterward pay the ultimate price. Bob finds himself on the wrong end of a kitchen knife wielded by masked killer Michael Myers, and Lydia is strangled by Myers as she talks to a friend on the phone.
Denise Richards as Paige Prescott in Valentine (2001)
Paige is one of several former high school classmates who are destined to die at a Valentine's Day party in this lesser slasher movie. Paige, hottest of the bunch, has been around the block a few times, and sneaks away mid-party to unwind in a hot tub, as you do. There she's offed by a spurned nerd who electrocutes her by dropping an electric drill into the hot tub.
Linnea Quigley as Trash in The Return of the Living Dead (1985)
Linnea Quigley made a career out of getting naked and then being murdered in movies, but her most memorable turn was arguably as Trash, a punk babe hanging out in a graveyard as a zombie outbreak is a-brewing.
Just making conversation, Trash confesses that being eaten alive by old men would be the worst way to die, in her opinion. She imagines the scene: "First, they would tear my clothes off..." and, for the sake of illustration, tears her own clothes off. It is not so funny, though, when the zombie hordes show up and administer just the death she was hoping to avoid.
Shannon Elizabeth as Jill Metzner in Jack Frost (1996)
Just the day before, Jill's brother was decapitated by the evil snowman Jack Frost, so of course Jill sneaks into the local sheriff's house to have sex with her boyfriend. But we never get there; while she's having a pre-sex bath, Jack Frost materializes and makes rough snowman love to her. That is, before he kills her.
Stacie Lambert as Jan Hernandez in Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland (1989)
As in previous Sleepaway Camp movies, Pamela Springsteen (yes, Bruce's sister) plays Angela, a serial killer bent on bumping off camp counselors. In a sense, Angela is a female Jason Voorhees, and yet she's not: Jason is a superhuman freak of a killing machine, while Angela is a fairly normal looking girl who terminates her colleagues because they annoy her. So it goes with Jan Hernandez, whom Angela discovers having sex in a tent. Are people having sex in a tent annoying? Apparently so.
Anna Loos as Gretchen in Anatomie (2000)
In this German horror flick about medical students, Gretchen is the hot schnitzel who bails on a relationship with Hein, an unstable male character, which is clearly not a good idea. One night, Gretchen and her new beau show up at the morgue for some sexy-time only to be greeted by Hein. He kills the guy, then fatally poisons Gretchen, and leaves her dead body there—it's the morgue, after all. Like any smart killer, he decapitates her and takes the head with him.
Diora Baird as Lily in Night of the Demons (2009)
Night of the Demons is the story of a crazy party at which the uncommonly hot guests (including Monica Keena, Shannon Elizabeth, and Bobbi Sue Luther) have strange sexual encounters while becoming and un-becoming demons. Lily is turned into a demon by her ex-boyfriend, whose demon-spirit enters Lily through the back door. Yikes. Hijinks like this continue throughout the night, until the demons all die at sunrise.
Debi Sue Voorhees as Tina in Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985)
OK, this is weird: Debi Sue Voorhees is in this edition of Friday the 13th, but iconic murderer Jason Voorhees is not. The previous film in the series was called The Final Chapter (wink wink) because Jason was killed for good (wink wink), so this New Beginning finds a couple of nobodies imagining they're Jason.
The jury-rigged plot proved unnecessary and unsatisfying, as audiences had stopped believing Jason would ever die three movies ago. But it turns out you don't need to be the real Jason to kill a nude woman in post-coital bliss.
Kelly Brook as Danni Arslow in Piranha 3D (2010)
Danni Arslow is a porn star who arrives with director Derrick Jones (Jerry O'Connell) to shoot some Girls Gone Wild-style debauchery on the fictional Lake Victoria, Arizona. As a porn star, she is inherently promiscuous, and in the movie she fools around with Crystal Shepard (played by real-life porn star Riley Steele). So, of course, they both end up as Piranha feed.
Julianna Guill as Bree in Friday the 13th (2009)
In this reboot of the Friday the 13th series, Bree is one of a handful of attractive young people who go to the Camp Crystal Lake site for a weekend of sex and partying. Bree lives long enough to deliver what some consider one of the all time greatest topless scenes in horror history, but not much longer than that.
Anna Falchi as She in Cemetery Man (1994)
Francesco (Rupert Everett) is a sad sack of a cemetery caretaker who is battling a low-grade zombie uprising when he gets about as lucky as you can: Following a funeral, he hooks up with the insanely hot widow, played by Italian sex bomb Anna Falchi. They do it right there on the grave, all naked and everything. Then the dead husband shows up and bites his widow, after which Francesco shoots her, believing she has turned zombie. Or did he just murder his one true love? Buzzkill!
Anna Hutchison as Jules in The Cabin in the Woods (2012)
Jules, a college student on a weekend getaway, has been fed a drug that ups her libido while reducing her intelligence. So, it isn't too long before we find her making love to her boyfriend in the woods. Unfortunately, a family of cranky zombies finds them as well.