7. SPICE WORLD (1997)It was bad enough that we had to endure all of the Spice Girls’ music on popular radio stations and MTV. By the time their lame cash-in movie, Spice World, hit theaters, the British quintet’s all-media takeover was in full swing, and, unfortunately, Scary, Posh, Ginger, Sporty, Baby, Teasy, and Flirty (OK, we might be imagining a couple of them) showed no signs of giving in to male wishes.
If you’re ever looking to challenge a guy friend to a bet, offer him some ridiculous amount of cash to watch this interminable slog of obnoxious humor and ungenerous sexuality without hitting the remote control’s fast-forward button. Then, count the minutes before he says, “I wish they’d just get naked already—this shit is brutal.”
Spice World’s plot centers on the girls’ misadventures leading up to a big London concert, and it’s most out-of-place bits are random dream sequences. In our remake, Freddy Krueger would show up and slice their bra-straps with his glove-of-knives, before high-fiving us and flashing a thumb-knife up as Scary and Ginger sing about each other's bosoms. Tell us you wouldn’t pay to see that.