Age: 34

Other than the Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean movies, we dare you to name one other Orlando Bloom project. Give up? Don’t feel bad. If not for somehow joining two of the biggest film franchises ever, the English actor’s resume would be as uneventful as that of any bitter C-lister. It’s easy to understand why: He’s too much of a frail pretty-boy to command the screen on his own, and too mediocre of a thespian to act as more than an ensemble player. With one year left until he hits the big 3-5, he’d be better off spending all his time in the company of supermodel wifey Miranda Kerr. We can’t imagine a better retirement plan.