The Mysteryland Mystery: Where in New York Will It Be?

Yesterday, inthemix reported that ID&T would be bringing their Mysteryland brand to the U.S. in 2014. ID&T, the company also behind the wildly successful Sensation event series and the Tomorrowland brands, is rumored to be bringing the festvial to a "historic" location in the "New York area." Unwilling to idle by waiting for a press release, we decided to play along. Heck, we love a bt of mystery, so we cooked up a list of potential spots for Mysteryland.

Yes, we know Steve Angello took the park last fall for his Size In The Park party, but that was a one-off event and didn't require the same sort of infrastructure or resources Mysterland would command. It's definitely got the historic piece but we're ruling this one out. We can dream, though...

Let's just be real for a second: Does anyone really think ID&T wants to go to the Bronx? Something tells us those European sensibilities with their all-white dresscode won't mesh with the gritty, urban landscape of the Bronx. Add in the fact that the Yankees are playing regular season games for half the year and their usual playoff run, we know this just won't work. No one is going to pay me to go to Yankee Stadium in December in the snow.

Insomniac has already laid claim to this parking lot and while we had a good time, this doesn't seem to be a consensus. And judging by the previous events ID&T has put on, we're willing to wager large sums of cash to say that they won't stand to be in Insomniac's shadows. On top of that, Citi Field itself is new, so we don't think that'll qualify as historic, even if the '86 Mets were truly a miracle.

Rikers Island certainly fits the "historic" criteria as its been the home for New York City's finest criminals since 1932, but is that enough? What about the facilities? I don't think Mother Jones would have chosen Rikers had she been consulted on this matter because she ranked Rikers among the worst prisons in the nation. So they might need to do some upgrades before they set up lasers and LEDs. While we're at it, we'll eliminate Singsing and Attica from the list of potential spots. This one idea is probably best left where we found it unless we can bring in Michael Bay to direct a sequel to his critically acclaimed dramatic film, The Rock.

Electric Zoo already has a pretty big claim over this for the end of summer romps, and the 2013 Governors Ball just finished there as well. With that said, that really only leaves July as a potential timeslot for Mysteryland, but have you been outside on Randall's Island during a July heatwave? I have and I don't wish that upon my worst enemy. That heat is murderous and is the sort of thing that'll send anyone over the deep end and the number of molly overdoses skyrocketing. An idea, but not the wisest one.

Lawn Guyland. Long Island. Whatever. After the shitshow last Halloween with Sebastian Ingrosso's "All Mixed Up Event," I don't think anyone in Nassau County wants to deal with ravers again. Plus, do any ravers event WANT to go to Nassau Colliseum? It's certainly not historic (because no one cares about the Islanders), and it's definitely not sexy. It's no wonder the Islanders are joining the Nets in Brooklyn in 2015. We're going to leave this one out.

Has Eloise grown up? Has she left her room on the tippy-top floor? Well, maybe. Maybe Eloise has been sneaking out at night to go hit up those underground raves in Brooklyn. Maybe she's about that low frequency with decency at Reconstrvct? Maybe she's a basshead who has to get her fix every saturday at Subset's BASSment Saturdays. Maybe she's got a regular table at Pacha? Space? Nah, Provacteur is more her speed. Maybe she's got designer fluffies and a gold-plated pacifier now, too? Maybe she's just another insecure techno head with a feigned musical snobbery and inflated sense of self-worth using her daddy's expansive wallet to buy all the best tables? Eitherway, we don't know where Eloise truly is right now, but we do know if she's retained even an ounce of the character we read about in the 1950s children's books, something tells us that the ID&T crowd and Eloise would get along swimmingly.

Picture this: Carson Daily at 150-years-old (or however old he is now), VJing like a boss alongside the Mysteryland line-up. Screaming 13-year-old girls everywhere. A stable economy that only the early 2000s and the run-off from the '90s Internet boom could provide. Maybe Em makes an appearance and shuts down Times Square. I'm calling this spot a curveball - but not totally unlikely.

You know how we feel about rave fashion; it needs help. Maybe ID&T can help usher in some more refined fashion by letting the good folks (and grandmas) at Macy's and Bloomingdale's give these ravers a style upgrade. Don't ravers know that once a picture is on the internet, IT NEVER DISAPPEARS? How about for posterity's sake we do this one once and then we never have to do it again... OK? Just no more neon. For the love of house music, NO MORE NEON!

Invite Lemon and don't forget your head-suit. Tracy Jordan is going to make this one a banger.

Surely no one sits around in coffee shops right unless they're in Williamsburg right? Well, how about we ditch the big couch and install some LED lasers instead? Maybe we can get the turntable.fm crew to sponsor the shindig and we can get Ross on the decks?

Will Mysteryland's expansive production values include a live orchestra? If it does, Carnegie Hall might make sense. It's definitely historic and is truly one of the landmark relics of New York's storied musical history. Cellos and piccolos riffing to "Bubble Butt?" I'll vine that shit for sure.

With the Swedish House Mafia and Armin van Buuren already in the books as sell-out shows, will Madison Square Garden be able to support Mysteryland? They can barely support the Knicks with their horrible draft choices (Frederic Weiss anyone?) and anemic playoff hockey luck (Torts is out, phew!), so we're thinking ID&T would be better to take their business elsewhere. They already had their Sensation event last year at Barclay's and plan to bring it back this fall. We love the Garden, but that just won't happen.

For those who don't know, Dyckman House is the oldest house on the island of Manhattan. The farmhouse was built in the 1780s so you know by now it's seen its fair share of ragers. Why not do one big one for old times sake? Something tells us ID&T will think bigger, but this one is definitely historic.

Made Event and RPM already have the summer months on lock on the Island so we don't think this is going to happen. ID&T is going to want to come into the game and bring a fresh perspective and experience.

While we're not sure a lot of ravers will love this (with all the extra security), we do say this could be appetizing. With exclusive cabins and tons of nooks and crannies, the VIP table options here would be endless. With Insomniac bringing in top chefs, can ID&T bring in personal shoppers and bodyguards?

We know Wall St. types are itching to get in the rave game but they're too lazy to understand the culture themselves right? So let's just cut out the middleman and bring it right to them!

What better place to have a festival than the most gridlocked train in NYC? How about a packed train with hipsters!

Tell me you haven't always wanted to tear down that spiral on a longboard. You're not alone. Let's just cut the foreplay and turn that place into a mad house. Modern art meets modern music in an explosion of lights and sounds that will crack your Sector9 in half and leave you wishing they brought back the exhibit about TVs for a minute. And the best part is there's no getting lost here and no dealing with the people in the crowd who are too drunk because the riff raff will eventually stumble to the bottom.

Of all the possibilites on this list, there's really no question that this is going to be our best bet. It's most certainly historic, having played host to the famous Woodstock Festival in summer of '69 with acts like Jimi Hendrix, the Grateful Dead, The Who, Janis Joplin, and other legendary rock & roll acts taking the stage. That fact alone makes you think. When you add in the fact that ID&T is already bringing Tomorrowworld to the previous Counterpoint Festival spot, and they were also rumored to be involved with the relocation rumors before the Tomorrowworld announcement, it makes you wonder. Maybe the EDM generation will truly get its Woodstock afterall.