15 Things We Learned By Reading Rappers' Wikipedia Pages

Image via Complex Original

What Wikipedia says: "Minaj was later fired from Red Lobster because of her discourteousness to customers. She stated she had been fired from "at least fifteen jobs" for similar antics. Other jobs Minaj held were administrative assistant, customer service, and an office manager position at an unknown business located on Wall Street." - Wikipedia

Here's a list of 15 jobs we want to imagine Nicki Minaj being fired from for "discourteousness":

15. Apple Genius 
14. Elementary School Bus Driver
13. American Idol Co-Host
12. Greeter at Abercrombie & Fitch
11. Chris Christie's Chief of Staff
10. Museum Docent
9. Team President for the New York Knicks
8. Mariah Carey's Best Friend 
7. Lil Kim's Best Friend 
6. Beefeater
5. Lead Designer, HealthCare.Org
4. Ghostbusters III Co-Writer
3. Mr. Met, the mascot for the New York Mets
2. NYC Train Conductor
1. Hot 97's Summer Jam headliner

What Wikipedia says: "Snoop claimed in a 2006 interview with Rolling Stone magazine that unlike other hip hop artists who've superficially adopted the pimp persona, he was an actual professional pimp in 2003 and 2004, saying "That shit was my natural calling and once I got involved with it, it became fun. It was like shootin' layups for me. I was makin' 'em every time". He goes on to say that upon the advice of some of the other pimps he knew, he eventually gave up pimping to spend more time with his family." - Wikipedia

How problematic does your pimping have to be that other pimps tell you to go back to your family? "Hey, Snoop, are you sure you want to do this? You've got a pretty good thing going on," said a man draped in fur and platform boots, before adding a "baby" to maintain credibility. On a scale of 1 to believable, this story is CRAZY and definitely made-up.

Snoop—who in 2003 and 2004 had some of his biggest hits ever with "Beautiful" and "Drop It Like It's Hot," who had a show on MTV with Doggy Fizzle Televizzle, and was cameo-ing in Old School—somehow found the time to pimp women on the side. Just a little side gig where he was devoted enough to the craft to call himself a "professional." Okay, sure, why not.

What Wikipedia says: "At the age of 10, Kanye moved with his mother to Nanjing, China, where his mother was teaching at Nanjing University as part of an exchange program. According to his mother, Kanye was the only foreigner in his class, but settled in well and quickly picked up the language, although he has since forgotten most of it." - Wikipedia

What's surprising here is that Kanye forgot something. This is a man who remembers every win and success in his life, and most definitely every loss or slight. I'd bet money that Ye knew exactly what he wore when he first sat in that class in China, his first meal in China, and the names of each and every girl he vowed to talk into loving him. And the only way to do that? Learn Chinese. Oh wait. Maybe the Wikipedia entry meant that Kanye has forgotten Jin's first single, Learn Chinese. Which, yeah.

What Wikipedia says: "When he was 12, he played the part of the Tin Man in his middle school drama club's production of The Wiz." - Wikipedia

Lil Wayne is like most rappers these days: a musician first, and later an actor. What makes Wayne's story interesting, though, is that he was rapping at age 8 and playing the part of the Tin Man in his school's adaptation of the play The Wiz at 12. And what makes it even better is that he's not only referenced the Tin Man in a song before: "Hustle like I still pay rent, man/Got a chest full of heart, no Tin Man (DJ Khaled's "Fed Up"), but also had a Scarecrow reference: "Chillin' like a Scarecrow, looking for some brain—on Cam'Ron's "Suck it or Not."

What Wikipedia says: "His frequent absences from school jeopardized his position as a diver on his school's swim team." - Wikipedia 

According to Wikipedia, Dr. Dre would miss high school class so frequently that his spot on the diving team was put into limbo, which obviously begs the question: if this was a Sliding Doors moment, and Andre Young's life went another direction, what would it be like?

The answer: Dre stays committed to diving, ensuring a scholarship to UCLA, and subsequently represents both his country and his city in the 1984 Summer Olympics, which take place in Los Angeles. Of course, Warren G and Snoop Doggy Dogg follow Dre's lead and begin their careers as synchronized divers. Nate Dogg, naturally, swims the medley. And they all win gold medals, because platinum isn't cool until the mid-1990's.

But that's not all! Wheaties boxes! International competitions! More Wheaties boxes! And if Dre never skips classes, sadly, N.W.A. doesn't have the same soul. Death Row never has the same backbone. Eminem never has the same legitimacy. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, IN 2014, WE'D ALL BE LISTENING TO MUSIC ON IMPERFECT HEADPHONES.

What Wikipedia says: "In 1983, his mother became unconscious after having consumed a drugged drink and eventually died as a result of the gas in her apartment turned on amidst closed windows." - Wikipedia

He was eight-years-old. Yeah. Super messed up. Having never had a real childhood, 50 clearly has reasons for his aggression. The story—as revealed in 50's first interview, in 2000 with COMPLEX's Editor-In-Chief Noah Callahan-Bever for Blaze Magazine—was that his mother, Sabrina, who had a foot in the drug game, was drugged by someone she considered a friend, or at least close enough to be invited inside her apartment for a drink.

"A lot of people that are your friends aren't your friends," said 50, in his Blaze profile. "I think that a lot of the bad shit that happens to people happens because they let people get too close to them." This explains a lot—from his Machiavellian tear through hip-hop to the recent news that he was less-than-sensitive to the news of Lloyd Banks' father's death.

What Wikipedia says: "Jay-Z was also involved in several battles with rapper LL Cool J in the early '90s." - Wikipedia

The always-great Combat Jack dropped this nugget onto his blog in 2009, but it's still amazing to read here and now. For those who don't know, Combat was Dame Dash's lawyer for many years; he's got...stories, ha.

This particular yarn goes back to 1992, when Dame Dash and Clark Kent figured "if Jay was known as the dude that kilt LL in battle, record labels would take note and give him that much sought after deal. Whenever LL was spotted by either of them, they would page each other and Jay and get him to meet at whatever location LL was. This went on a couple of times. Once contacted, Jay would roll up to the club, bar or whatever venue and lay in the cut, waiting for his opportunity to attack LL in battle. Dame would polly with, then taunt LL about how Jay was nicer than him, was ready to take his spot even. LL's ego would result in him agreeing to go head to head against the young and then unknown challenger."

And, Combat Jack said, Jay Z pulled off the impossible and won each time, which is why he thinks LL resents him to this day.

What Wikipedia says: "Khalifa declined an invitation to tour with rapper Drake and launched his own Waken Baken Tour, a 50-city national tour with rapper Yelawolf." - Wikipedia 

But before you cluck your tongue and think, "What a bad move, you could've been on tour with Drake and learned how to communicate with owls," the Wiki entry goes on to say that Wiz sold out all 50 dates and didn't need the help. Good for him!

What Wikipedia says: "After graduating from Miami Carol City Senior High School, he later attended the historically black college Albany State University on a football scholarship." - Wikipedia

Rick Ross' Wiki page—unlike the man himself—is bare bones. There's no mention of Maybach Music Group; there's nothing about his feud with Young Jeezy or his business dealings with Wing Stop; his music career is pretty-much glossed over.

What gets the most attention on there is (obviously) his past as a corrections officer and (not-so-obviously) the time he wore Louis Vuitton sunglasses that were deemed "fake" when they had been "customized." Alright, sure. And so, on a page that contains few surprising details, there's this: the semi-known fact that Rick Ross was in shape enough to earn a football scholarship. Good to know.

What Wikipedia says: "In an interview with The Village Voice, Fiasco revealed that he was writing a novel about a window washer, aptly titled Reflections of a Window Washer." - Wikipedia

Lupe Fiasco has a book he's writing called Reflections of a Window Washer. If you take that tidbit as fact, then it's a creative title, a good use of his time, and considering the lyrics he's written, something to look forward to by a multi-talented artist. If you're dubious of this note, then it's the best title, an amazing use of his time, and considering the lyrics he's written, something to look forward to by a multi-talented artist.

Stay with me here: maybe this book doesn't even exist. It could be Lupe's Tony Clifton. It could be Lupe's Detox! He goes around in interviews and talks about this phantom book with a crazy title that's just bland enough to mean an infinite number of things, in an effort to get people to believe, but never put it out! And in the end, the effort he puts into the promotion of a book that he himself knows is never hitting the shelves could be the greatest piece of art he's ever created! Now consider that truth staring back at you from the window of life!

What Wikipedia says: "Debbie was 14 when she first met 18-year-old Bruce and nearly died during Eminem's 73-hour birth." - Wikipedia

Eminem was born on on October 17, 1972. Okay; knew that. His parents are Marshall Bruce Mathers, Jr. and Debbie Nelson. Obviously. He was the only child to his parents. No kidding. Debbie almost died while in labor for 73 hours with Eminem. Oh... Well, that's something.

The Mayo Clinic's website says that, "For first-time moms, the average length of early labor is six to 12 hours." Frankly, we all know that Eminem is not the average human, but seventy-three hours?! Hmmm. Maybe this is at the root of why he and his mother had such a contentious relationship? (Related: Wikipedia would not categorize us as psychiatrists.)

Also, if you're a frustrated fan waiting for Eminem's concert to start, or an impatient devotee begging for an overdue new Eminem album, or a Stan who hasn't received a call or letter from your hero, breathe in and breathe out and remember your Lamaze technique. CAUSE AT LEAST YOU WEREN'T WAITING TO BIRTH HIM FOR 73 HOURS.

What Wikipedia says: "In 1995, at the age of eight, Lamar witnessed his idols Tupac Shakur and Dr. Dre, film the music video for their hit single "California Love", which would later prove to be a very significant moment in Lamar's life." - Wikipedia

Kendrick Lamar was on the "California Love" video set at age 8, according to his Wikipedia entry, which is the best thing ever. Ever! Headlining tours, getting a surprise remix of your song by Jay Z, causing an industry earthquake with your own guest verse, getting nominated for an Album of the Year Grammy? All of those things pale in comparison to being a second grader on the music video for one of the best songs and videos of all time! 

What Wikipedia says: "At his request, Wallace transferred out of the Roman Catholic Bishop Loughlin Memorial High School to attend the state-funded George Westinghouse Career and Technical Education High School, which future rappers Jay Z and Busta Rhymes also attended at the time." - Wikipedia

With all G.O.O.D. music bragging about their clique, the on-and-off dating habits of Drake and Rihanna, and countless rappers throwing subliminal shots every which way on a daily basis, hip-hop can seem very high school. (Conversely, when listening to Migos lyrics, one could argue that hip-hop can seem very pre-school.) And it's always funny to see artists act chummy in VIP—people who are way too old to be there, trying to make small talk with newly-legal kids whose 15 minutes MTV decided to jump-start—everyone's now friends!

If only we could imagine what it'd be like to have miniature versions of the greatest rappers in a high school setting... oh wait. It did happen at George Westinghouse Career and Technical Education High School back in the late 1980's, with classmates Busta Rhymes, Jay Z, and the Notorious B.I.G. If only Puffy was pedaling Proactiv back then...

What Wikipedia says: "Tupac Shakur, according to relatives real name Lesane Parish Crooks, was born on June 16, 1971, in the East Harlem section of Manhattan in New York City." - Wikipedia

If that sentence doesn't look right, it's because Wikipedia has a lax policy on grammatical errors. Also, because so few know that Tupac wasn't born Tupac, but rather Lesane Parish Crooks. As the #1 2Pac community (not the #12Pac one) goes on to explain, "When Tupac was born to Alice Faye Williams (later called Afeni Shakur) he was named Lesane Parish Crooks, not Tupac Amaru. After Alice Faye Walker married Mutulu Shakur, who became Pac's stepfather and the man in his life, she changed her name to Afeni Shakur." And so, a year into his life, Tupac was born. That still doesn't solve the problem of how I should classify Tupac in my iTunes—2Pac, Tupac, 2Pac/Makaveli, Makaveli (bka Tupac), etc.—but this does give me a leg-up in any 2pac 2rivia contests.

What Wikipedia says: "Nas also briefly dated Mary J. Blige." - Wikipedia

If the Nas-Mary J. Blige collaborations "Feel Inside," from My Life II...The Journey Continues (Act 1), "Reach Out," from Life Is Good, or "Rise Up Shepherd and Follow," from the soundtrack for the film Black Nativity, are your definition of making beautiful music together, then cool. But if you like your Nas and Mary partnership to be a little more steamy, then has Wikipedia got some news for you!

Shouts to Miss Info, who in reporting for King Magazine, spoke with Nas' daughter's mother, Carmen Bryan, who revealed, "We had an argument and he was like, 'I'm a king, Carm. Do you know how many girls would love to be in your shoes right now?' ... I never had to deal with lots of groupies calling me, but I heard things. I asked Nas about some of them. Way after we kind of broke up, I asked him about Lil' Kim, Eve, Mary J. Blige. The only one Nas ever admitted to dating was Mary." Somewhere, Mona Scott cringes, knowing she was a decade and a half too late to document actual love and hip-hop.