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Taylor Swift is on the cover of the new New York magazine this week, boldly named as "The Biggest Pop Star In the World." That's a big claim. And one of a sort that seems increasingly difficult to make. The world is so confusing now.
It wasn't so long ago that TV sets could only reach channels in the double-digits, that tumblrs were just misspelled gymnasts, and there wasn't this great sense that—wherever you were—something cooler was happening elsewhere. But now everything is atomized: we have no idea who that person hosting Saturday Night Live is next week; we need apps to tell us what songs are playing, and we forget the artist as soon as we Shazam.
As much as the Internet has brought us all together, it's torn us all apart. How do we compare things whenn its all apples and oranges? It's terrible!
Eh, it's not actually that terrible. The universe is a giant ecosystem. According to Hindu philosophy, everything is one. The appearance of distinction is an illusion called "maya." There are still narratives that connect us, there are still parallels that make sense. The worlds of hip-hop and pop music, really, are not that far apart. At Complex, we're here to remind you of that, by bringing you the definitive list of pop stars and their rap star equivalents.
Written by Mike Zaroni
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Kendrick Lamar Is Beyonce
Back in 2009, a young K-Dot released a song called "Beyonce," where he—an unknown Compton kid—attempts to steal Mrs. Carter's hand from Jay Z...through wacky, convoluted hijinks. (Example: He'd have Affion Crockett call her and, in Hov's voice, read lines about how he'd thrown his wedding ring away. It's not a particularly good song.)
Four years later, Kendrick is not some anonymous kid anymore; he is (or was?) GQ's Man of the Year. Like Beyonce, he didn't put out an album this year, but through savvy, talent, and stunts, he dominated the conversation. Where she's got the #BeyHive forcefield protecting her, he too has somehow become bulletproof of criticism. It's clear that King Bey wears the crown in R&B in 2013. She should expect Kendrick to join her on the throne.
Kanye West Is Lady Gaga
The only rules of fashion—as dictated by David Bowie—are 1.) Turn to the left, and 2.) Turn to the right. Only thing is, you have to get in the door first, something Kanye has largely been unable to do (at least to his liking). Where Kanye has been blocked by classist gatekeepers, Lady Gaga is doing what Kanye wants. She's teamed up with H&M, Armani, Versace...and yet, most offensive to him is her collaboration with Polaroid. (He told Zane Lowe, "She's the creative director of Polaroid. I like some of the Gaga songs. What the fuck does she know about cameras?") Thing is, they're very much the same in their philosophies, that music is but one of their many talents and that their celebrity is but a tool to create change. Laugh at her meat dress and his DONDA-sized aspirations, but they just want to reshape the world. Simple as that.
Chance The Rapper Is Lorde
Lorde, the 17-year-old who no one can believe is 17, has lorded (sorry) over the pop charts for what feels like forever, signing a $2.5 million publishing deal, going to Shake Shack with Taylor Swift, getting remixed by Rick Ross and Raekwon. Her first album, Pure Heroine, was released on September 27th. Incredible how quickly the world changes. Chance the Rapper, brought to us from an Internet connection in Chicago, was supposed to be in high school classes when he was dropping acid and recording a mixtape that would land him on tours with Mac Miller and Eminem, the best (only listenable?) song off Lil Wayne's last mixtape. These may be our new musical overlord(e)s (sorry). Why take a Chance? (Sorry.) I, for one, welcome them! (Please ignore all the jokes in this entire entry.)
Chief Keef Is Justin Bieber
Won't someone please think of the children?! Chief Keef is running around, hating being sober, speaking without vowels and hanging out in Gucci Mane's driveway. He's in and out of jail, giving label reps nightmares and putting pre-teens into hysterics. Justin Bieber—once a darling of mothers everywhere—has been rolling around with a bevy of Brazilian prostitutes and getting blazed in a haze of bad publicity (but hey, at least he's putting out some great music). He pissed in a mop bucket! Ugh. Mothers don't know what to do with him anymore, except sleep with him! Unbelievable. Won't someone control this kid? He's this generation's Miley Cyrus! And just look at what happened to her. Tsk tsk. Lord knows what will happen if these two ever run into each other and the world collapses in on itself.
Childish Gambino Is Ariana Grande
Childish Gambino (perhaps better known as Donald Glover) got his start when Tina Fey discovered him as an NYU student and hired him on 30 Rock to write a bunch of jibber-jabber nonsense for the character of Tracy Jordan. Then, Dan Harmon cast him as Troy on Community. But there was always this part of him that wanted to rap. And so he released some music and got some buzz, sure, but the dial really turned when Troy started rapping on the show.
Likewise, Ariana Grande won the part of Cat Valentine for Nickelodeon's iCarly, Victorious, Sam & Cat and...wow, there's just a whole universe out there that I'm totally unaware of. Cat was a singer...just like Ariana! (And Ariana's just like Mariah, and Childish Gambino is just like Drake, but really, these two are just like one another.)
Nicki Minaj Is Katy Perry
Nicki and Katy share many things in common: pink hair clips, cupcake dresses, bright lipsticks, and gossipy phone calls. Oh, and producers. Because when Nicki's making pop songs, she goes to Max Martin and Dr. Luke, the same showhorses in Katy Perry's stable. Ha-ha-ha, they're exactly the same! Oh wait, no they're not, because Nicki is absolutely killer as a rapper, upstaging everyone in her guest spots: Kanye West to Lil Wayne, Drake to Big Sean, Busta to...well, everyone. Katy's a non-factor in the hip-hop world, except as a way for Rick Ross to describe his cocaine. Even still, Ellen's two wee scamps Sophia Grace and Rosie probably have a very tough time deciding who they like better.
Tyler, The Creator Is Miley Cyrus
Remember Punk'd? Tyler, the Creator and Miley Cyrus are the feeling one gets when Ashton Kutcher ran out. There was a point when Tyler was shocking, when he was screaming "KILL PEOPLE BURN SHIT FUCK SCHOOL" and no one could find Earl or their parents and it was genuinely terrifying. Then there was that "throw a unicorn or a kitty cat on things and it's weird so it's art" phase. But now that he's making million-dollar bets with Will.I.Am about artistic integrity, it's back to being interesting.
Somewhere along the way, he befriended Miley, who has grown up into a person her age. Disney made her out to be this stand-up citizen; now she's a bent-over twerker/tweaker. This has led to a lot of faux outrage: She smoked drugs—in Amsterdam! She dances provocatively! She has beef with Sinead O'Connor! She'll be fine. Relax. It's just for attention.
Lil Wayne Is Rihanna
"Walk around the club, fuck everybody." That's a Lil Wayne line, one of many that could apply to Rihanna, a walking middle finger if there ever was one. Lil Wayne broke a lot of the supposed rules: he double-cupped his way through a few years, he caught a gun charge, he called himself the "best rapper alive."
Those years all seem quaint, now, when Rihanna is taking his influence to the next level. She throws shade like Wayne makes bad fashion choices: easily and often. It's a long trail of victims: Chris Brown, Drake, Teyana Taylor, Ciara, Amanda Bynes, MTV, Karrueche Tran, everyone on the #RihannaPlane, various and random commenters, Drake again. Everyone urged Lil Wayne to clean himself up: after he did, he got boring. We'll see what happens to Rihanna, if she ever does the same.
Kid Cudi Is Bruno Mars
In 2010, Kid Cudi was famously arrested for possession "liquid cocaine"—which, it turns out, does not exist. Months later, Bruno Mars was famously arrested for possession of normal cocaine in Las Vegas. He smiled for his mug shot and told cops it was his "first time" using the drug—which, it turns out, it wasn't. But all that's in the past. Cudi cleaned up, even quit smoking weed (even his favorite "Maui Wowie," from Bruno Mars' native Hawaii), and managed to get Indicud to the #2 slot on Billboard's albums chart. Bruno Mars once got caught by the police; now he just sounds like Sting.
Action Bronson Is Miguel
Ever seen an Action Bronson show? They're full-body experiences, the type of setting where Bronsolino picks up a wheelchair-bound fan and drapes him over his shoulders for a couple of songs; where he bodyslams someone who jumps onstage, where he bulldozes through the crowd like a bear gone wild. Miguel hit a girl with a legdrop while jumping between platforms at the Billboard Awards this year. That's too easy, though. They both like drugs. There's got to be more, though, right? How about: because there's no way Kelly Clarkson knows who Action Bronson is. There.
Macklemore Is Robin Thicke
Macklemore and Robin Thicke aren't just parallels of one another because they're white guys playing a black man's game. (Unless...no, no, well, maybe.) It's that, somehow, these two have ended up in the center of pop music. Before this time last year, Macklemore was an independent rapper from Seattle who few had heard of. Robin Thicke was the son of a '80s sitcom dad had never quite broken through to true stardom himself. They're outsiders, standing in the right place at the right time. And then, through a bunch of different factors (Ellen for Macklemore; naked models and almost-naked Miley for Robin), they've somehow become inescapable. Even more suffocating are the thinkpieces these two have inspired people to write on racism/sexism/every-other-ism, but mostly on Tumblr.
Drake Is Taylor Swift
It's easy to compare Drake to Taylor Swift because they're ultra-popular recording artists who namecheck exes to further their own careers. And Big Ghostfase would probably put these two together because they're softer than a baby's nuts on terrycloth, b. (Or whatever.) But, if anything, these two are similar because they're this generation's biggest stars. There are few pop stars who can get on 60 Minutes' radar: Taylor Swift and Adele are the two who've come to mind. There are few who can get Kanye West to come to their home-grown festivals: Drake and Tyler, the Creator. They are safe, they are successful...and a lot of people hate them for it.
