Shurt Feelings: Volume XVII

"Shurt Feelings" is an ongoing series in which we make fun of the dumbest T-shirts of the week.

Skip Class is a writer living in Seattle. See more of his work here and follow him on Twitter here.

You know what I've always wanted in a long sleeve graphic? A censored Biggie lyric typeset by a graphic designer with Parkinson's. And kudos to the photographer for getting the model to pose as though he's wearing thonged briefs.

…the couch? Yeah, dawg, we know. How much rent do you pay for your Süstorp couch bed studio exactly?

You know what is super slept on?

Beds.

Do you want to turn your arms into Lisa Frank folders because this is exactly how to turn your arms into Lisa Frank folders, Chad. What is wrong with just a raglan tee? Like, where is this "supposed" consumer demand for males that are want to turn their sleeves into "choose your own adventure" books? I demand that you show us the numbers.

Dawg, U of MS is not an actually accredited university. And not to be a buzzkill or anything, but you are actually making something from nothing and its these T-shirts. And they make people get beat up in public. If they don't get physically accosted, at the very least they are for sure slowing down their ability to get promoted to shift manager at Lids.

Welp, we can all take a huge sigh of relief because, for a minute there, I think we were all a little bit worried that streetwear wasn't going to be able to deliver on a Persian Wigger Boardwalk Molly Dealer uniform for Summer 2014. Phew, that was a close one. As an active, dues-paying member of the P.W.B.M.D, I, for one, could not be more please with our latest unis.

Ya boy's looking like he has the other half of this iPhone screen saver T-shirt on layaway. One day, you're gonna stunt on all those haters that said you ain't got the other half of this shirt. First they hate you, then they want to break with you. Nah mean?

The Institute of National Pussy Repellant has reported that this ensemble is the benchmark for which all future pussy repellant fashion standards must meet. The best part is this particular shirt ships from the brand and not the infamous streetwear website itself. Like, how bad of design do you have to make for Karmaloop to not even want to have it in their warehouse?

Lemme break this shit down for you, so you can actually understand: *Futura Heavy Oblique* GIVE UP *white text on red rectangle*

Why is your boy trying to look like a bodega bathroom candle? When are brands gonna stop trying to sell people this whole Trap Renaissance shit? We get it, bud. Your thoughts come from a higher plane of deep mediocrity. Your looksbooks are the scriptures of the street. You were born on XIXMCXM or whatever the fuck. Noted. All noted.

Whoa, who in the fuck decided that we need to start dressing like Decepticons? When did that meeting take place? The only thing I can hear is Starscream yelling, "Forgive me Megaaaatttrooooonnnnnnnnn!"

Even if someone did want to have this, wouldn't it make more sense that the top half be the jacket or? Wait, wait, wait, I'm getting sucked into the stupid. This is the worst thing ever.

Oh, is that so, Geoffery? What exactly is the FLYEST aspect of your life? Is that you are a locally renowned "flair tender" from Huntington Beach? Or is that you own numerous snapbacks with words emblazoned on them like:

-#SELFIE

-STUNT

-FUNERAL

-TRILLAFORNIA

Cool. Thought so.