Shurt Feelings: Volume XIV

"Shurt Feelings" is an ongoing series in which we make fun of the dumbest T-shirts of the week.

Skip Class is a writer living in Seattle. See more of his work here and follow him on Twitter here.

What is the symbol on the periodic table for Susitonium? This has to be the longest possible road you can take to wearing a T-shirt with pottymouth words on it. Also, why are fools still trying to act like they all of a sudden become celibate once someone says, "Get money"? Here's a helpful little solve for this one Streetwear Pinkman: G + T + F = O

This looks like its from the Rain Forrest Cafe capsule collection. Can we just not with animal heads for one day? It's not like when you go to the zoo you see tigers rocking graphic tees with human heads on 'em. Why? Because even caged animals know when corny shit is played the fuck out.

This is a moo moo, dawgie. You are wearing a small cut moo moo. Facts. What is with the never ending floral print nonsense? If you want to just be a Transformer that turns into my aunt's couch you can just do that. You don't need anyone's permission. If you want to be a Decepticouch then by all means do you, Terrance.

I will never not ever understand these graphic tees that are obsessed with flying and weed. I can not think of a worse use of weed than going to the airport. All these shirts talking about jet life and kush are not realistic. Where's the Jet Blue x Scraped Resin Hits tee then? That's some accurate shit for all you Mickey Mouse glove worshiping masturbators.

Bryce, what is the name of the band you're in? Is it "As I Wish I Wasn't Wearing This Shirt That Looks Like An Inside Out Flannel"? Building a T-shirt out of another T-shirt doesn't make you Tom Ford. It still makes you a Bryce. And Bryce's only do one thing really well. They bum the fuck out of their parents during holiday dinners because instead of ear lobes they have cat buttholes and instead of careers they have a lowered truck on airbags.

They said this shit was limited edition. That's right, Internet. Don't think the graphic equivalent of Halley's Comet is going to come back to the this magical world of shitty plastisol tees that make negative zero sense ever again. You had one job, Thomas, and that was to make the leaf green. Way to go.

Oh good. I was hoping they were going to give Nick Minaj's anus its own national flag. I don't normally say positive things about these shirts, but if that was the goal of the design brief then you guys pretty much nailed it.

Fair enough, Brandon, fair enough. But one small pointer: If you're going to make a shirt about not being "thirsty" make sure the it doesn't say "STD" right under the word "THIRSTY". In the ad biz they call that conflicting messaging. Meaning, it confuses the women that you won't ever be having sex with as to what your $23 talky tee is trying to tell them. Also, two more cents and feel free to spend them however you like:Saying you're "not thirsty" is like saying you are "not a rapist". You do realize you actually create the idea that you are, in fact, thirsty just by mentioning the word, right?

Dawgie, not even Jesus can save the typesetting job you did on this. This shit is hurting like Rob Ford's hangover after the crack video leaked (I love Rob Ford btw shouts to T.Dot). I'm not going to dissect all the errors on this bad boy because that's not my job. All I can tell you is that if you're wearing a shirt that is apologizing for itself then good luck getting out of bed every morning and clocking into your job at Lids, playur.