Shurt Feelings: Vol. XI

"Shurt Feelings" is an ongoing series in which we make fun of the dumbest T-shirts of the week.

Skip Class is a writer living in Seattle. See more of his work here and follow him on Twitter here.

I don't get this. How is this better than wearing actual leopard suspenders? Who are you trying to help with this? This dude already has the swagger of a wrist guard and you're only making it worse.

Nothing and no one is safe from the logo flip. Even a meh rom-com from 2004 with Ben Stiller and Phillip Seymour Hoffman talking about sharts can be ensnared into streetwear's incestuous web of parody. Also, this isn't a parody as much as it is you guys clearly running out words that rhyme with molly.

This is the official uniform for pro-abstinence males 18-27 years old. If you're still matching your hat to your shirt and sneakers then you're probably the type of dude that think asking a girl to coffee via an Instagram comment is a good look.

Please elaborate what future that is, Antonio? Is it filled with dudes rocking "my girlfriend is a senior in high school, but her parents don't trip because she's hella mature" vibes?

Oh? But I actually think you do give these fucks, dawgie. I mean, if you just wanted your T-shirt to tell the world to fuck off than you could've just done that. But you are afwaaaaiiidddd to wear a shirt that actually says "fuck", so you picked this shirt because you knew your Aunt thought IDGAF was some new Xbox game.

Son. Hold up. First things first. The fuck is hanging off this dude's head? Lemme find out dude has an artisinal rat tail weave. Wow. Anyways, getting past the fact that they used a model that dead ass lives in Neverland, this graphic ain't doing anyone any favors. How about you Kill Them With Kearning, my dude? Or get a pencil and hand draw the type? Then stab yourself in the eye with it.

Musical note trap? Music trap? Music trapper? Music bear trap? Trap bear music? Hey! Quit rushing me. I'm real close to solving this shit. I can feel it.

I know a lot of people think I can be a little "harsh" on lil old streetwear and that may be true. It's just that if I don't take the time to to instill some discipline into streetwear it tends to go off the rails and rebel against all things logical and take four of the worst trends imaginable and mash them into the perfect storm of fuckboiness seen above.

Welp. I love Seinfeld and I like wearing T-shirts so logical reason would lead you to believe that this is just a screen printed slam dunk.

Nope.

Oh, you haven't heard of N.O.P.E ?

Nations Opposing Pussy-ass Execution?

Listen, if I want to let fools know I rides with Seinfeld guess how I'm a do that? By wearing a Seinfeld shirt. Your "brand" is not a necessary component to achieving this. If I need to let anyone know I fucks with chicks wearing only T-shirts and sneakers, ironing fake drug money with pitbulls barking in the background though, I will call you.

I will now comprehensively list the things more sus than a soft, hand-fitted, heathered purple, The Great Gatsby T-shirt:

1. NOTHING.