How to Dress for Your Holiday Party

Image via Complex Original

You have Janice from the marketing department convinced you’re friends with Drake’s tour manager’s cousin’s girlfriend and that y’all are essentially blood-related. So when “Hotline Bling” dropped, this was your chance to really sell your lie by rocking the same refined, boss-like Acne Studios turtleneck Drake sported in the video to the company holiday party. In fact, you actually put him on, considering you’re right on the outskirts of the OVO inner circle. 

Your fashion sense is heads-and-toes above your clique, but they still call you a “fashionista” or, even worse, a hipster. Looking lavish is your coup de grace when you go out with them, so showing up your best buddy’s holiday party in what may be one of the most luxurious-looking, flex-worthy robe coats this side of the Rhone River is your piece de resistance. If they hate then let ’em hate and watch their sisters’ numbers pile up.

Items that can be tossed on and taken off in the blink of an eye are always a plus. Especially if it is easily packable for when you enter the sprawling mansion of your esteemed colleague, who may or may not be doing some sketchy things on the side of the “IT guy” title he goes by in the office. He was forced to invite you to his private holiday party because he knows you know, so this beautiful Maniera Foldable Hat will do well to hide your identity as you enter and leave the residence. Stay safe, young blood.

Warm, winterized pants are a must, but they aren’t always the most flattering. Why should you have to choose between warm pants and tailored pants? You shouldn’t is the correct answer, because silk-lined COS Wool Melange Trousers. So feel no shame in dropping by the holiday party your cheap boss decided to throw at the office, which is a good three-minute walk from the parking garage in freezing cold weather. 

Black is your go-to. You consider it a “four season shade” but you wear it so often that you decide to switch it up for your family’s holiday pa…nah, nope, can’t do it. Just slide on some nice, tapered Wings + Horns Black Five-Pocket Denim a.k.a. “the ones without all of the holes,” so your mother doesn’t make you hide from your grandmother and your father doesn't have to lie to the other guests, telling them you’re “going back to school to get your Masters.” “I DON’T WANT YOUR LIFE, DAD!”

Everyone tells you that your big-time ad agency’s holiday party is a time for everyone to unwind and have a good time together, but you know damn well that you are constantly being judged. Being watched. And even though you can’t breathe due to insurmountable anxiety, you look flawless in Polo Ralph Lauren’s slim-cut Midnight Blue Suit. The wool-flannel material keeps you toasty as you travel to and from hell...I mean the main ballroom of the Ritz Carlton. 

This is the first year your girlfriend’s job is allowing significant others to the holiday “soiree” and you couldn’t be more thrilled. You finally get to put a face to “Blabbering Cubicle Neighbor” or “Boardroom Farter,” and you are beside yourself. The only question is whether you wear a proper collar or not, and even that decision excites you because you can make a quick call as soon as you walk in the joint with Lemaire’s Detachable Collar. 

Dancing. There’s always dancing. Too much dancing, but GOD do you love it. You think you hate it, but you can’t get enough of it. Your apartment complex always has that super cheesy holiday party at the local dive bar and dancing is most definitely on the docket. So comfortable shoes are a must, as you’ve learned after years of blister-inducing wingtips and boots. And Maggie from 4B told everyone she finally learned how to twerk. 

Your friends insist on sticking with the “Ugly Sweater” theme, yet again, for their holiday party and you are fed the F up. Sure, it’s fine while you’re at the party with other ugly sweater enthusiasts, but you are not sacrificing your dignity when the group heads to the bar afterwards. Beams Plus’ Fair Isle Sweater keeps the holiday cheer without looking like a reindeer puked on your upper torso. 

Who in their right mind holds a holiday party outside in December? Oh, that’s right; you do. Despite the boos and bah humbugs you receive each and every year for your rooftop shindig, people still show up in record numbers. And every year, they get a little smarter with how to bundle up. You’re no slacker yourself, because your END. x Tricker’s Toe Cap Boots have the glitz, glare, and gravitas to protect your little tootsies. They can’t see you suffering, so you have to look cool as a cucumber at all costs.