Image via Complex Original
Congratulations! You are the proud father of a beautiful baby boy or girl. Now what? Late nights and early mornings with no sleep in between. Crying and nagging (and that's just from the mom), and of course, clothes covered in mysterious bodily fluids. Suffice it to say, caring for a child has its effects, especially on one's swag.
There are many manuals out there that try and give you the tools you need to be a cool dad, even if they actually try and make you look like some urban lumberjack who takes French-pressed coffee on your hike into the woods wearing a baby sling. But this one. This one right here? Will keep your swag on 100-emoji status. Enjoy your Father's Day even more after you prep yourself on How to Be a Swaggy Dad.
Use your favorite Japanese swag mags as bedtime stories.
Even though you can't really read a lick of Free & Easy, your commentary will definitely take him on a journey of the man who squandered the earth for unattainable jawns and came out victorious.
Rep your sneaker game even when you have to dress up.
Don't leave your kick game at the door when it's time to dress to the nines. Child getting baptized? Just another excuse to wear your LunarGrands. Cole Haan's fusion of the Nike Lunar sole and classic menswear silhouettes like wingtips and loafers have become the sneakerhead's de facto choice for formal occasions.
Give your son a cool name.
Imagine all the daps you'll get at Flight Club when you tell them to "Meet my son, Deadstock."
You'll need two pairs of every Jordan release—one toddler sized.
Fuck college, but he got them new J's though!!!!
Commission high fashion designers for custom baby gear.
Riccardo Tisci may have said "eff it" to couture collections, but for you and your seed? Haute couture with religious iconography to show your devotion to the Gawd.
Your child is your best accessory—wear him or her on your shoulders.
"2 babiez/but I got me a few ooon."
Live out your swaggy dreams through your children.
Pissed that your parents weren't visionary enough to cop you any leather shorts for you as a child? Live vicariously through your child so he can feel the joy of sweating his non-descended nuts off.
Quit your day job and become a blogging-at-home dad.
Your swaggy dad blog, Hypedenmother, is one of a kind and will surely rack up some dough for you in advertising. So-called "mommy blogs" are huge, and you're finna get some free gear! No, not practical goods like diapers and baby clothes—we're talking some sweet dad jeans for free.
Take advantage of the extra body at campouts.
When you gotta get outta the campout line to poo, let your lil dude hold down the fort for you. Nobody's gonna cut a baby.
Remember; your kid will never be as cool as Jay-Z's or Ye's.
You can only do so much to up your swag as a father, but when your nickname is "Hova" or "Yeezus," you're pretty much on another level.
