Image via Complex Original
1.
So I read an article in the Atlantic the other day that was supposedly about racial divide, the appropriation of African American style and sneakers. But really all it said was that black people kill each other over sneakers for a whole bunch of reasons, and that you don’t see this phenomenon happening amongst white people. I could actually fall on the grenade that the fine people over at the Atlantic so kindly armed and threw into the room, but I won’t. Maybe I’ll try and relieve the tension by saying something overly broad that tries to make a statement about race, but ends up being kind of racist itself!
How about instead, we just agree that extremely far reaching socioeconomic forces have combined to create a whole bunch of fucked up situations in American culture. And the real conclusion of this article should have been people kill people for all kinds of shit all the time! Weird shit. Like, people get murdered over their fucking thoughts. AT LEAST YOU CAN WEAR SNEAKERS. YOU CAN’T EVEN STUNT IN THE CLUB A LITTLE BIT WITH THE CONCEPT OF UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE. No one is impressed with that at 12:30 am on a Friday night. You know what they are impressed with? Bottle service and Foamposites, bro.
2.
I’m not gonna come up off the hip for a Band of Outsiders polo shirt that is purposely designed to look like a generic, albeit tiny, but still generic polo shirt.
3.
The article goes on to declare that the requisite sneakers of the white hipster are Vans and Chuck Taylors and the lack of violence associated with these particular sneakers is due to their disposability and relative inexpensiveness. You want to know why people get murdered over Jordans, but not Converse? BECAUSE JORDANS ARE COOLER THAN SHITTY VANS. FUCK YOU IF YOU DON’T AGREE. I’LL MURDER YOU. See what I did there? I’m not gonna come up off the hip for a Band of Outsiders polo shirt that is purposely designed to look like a generic, albeit tiny, but still generic polo shirt. But a blazer that is made out of Gore-Tex with an Italian soft shoulder? Don’t do it, girl don’t tempt me…
You know what else is suspect about this article? I really think the author believes that after 2003 barely any white kids wear sneakers. Tell that to Tres Bien. I’m pretty sure the Yeezy 2s shut down like fourteen servers in Sweden on some Lisbeth Salander shit because of a bunch of white kids adding them to their carts faster than they can torrent God Forgives, I Don't.
I think the author of this article is trying to make a valid point—that sneakers and their effect upon society can be attributed in part to directed, specialized marketing and that race and racism are a part of these marketing decisions. Which is probably true. But that isn’t really saying anything new, is it? Racism infects every aspect of society. It’s more or less a fact. It’s like saying my writing is infected with rampant materialism, self-loathing and sophomoric humor. Everyone already knows that. Think about it, racism probably plays into a ton of marketing decisions. Do you think Benihana or your favorite noodle house are gonna hire a bunch of dudes from Cleveland that look like Abercrombie models even if they have amazing knife skills and can handle a wok? Would you eat there? See? STOP BEING RACIST. THINK ABOUT IT. EVEN DANIEL-SAN GOT GOOD AT KARATE AND HE WAS A PUSSY ASS WHITE BOY FROM NEW JERSEY.
4.
For example, when I was seven my good friend Rondell had a Caeasar with waves. I thought it was the coolest fucking haircut in the universe.
5.
I think it’s pretty fucking obvious that sneaker culture has been influenced directly by African American culture. I think it’s also pretty obvious that everybody likes sneakers. Everybody. Yes, the first time I saw Jordans they were on the feet of a black man named Michael Jordan. And, yes, I wanted to be like him. I know what Gatorade is because of him. I wear black ankle socks with sneakers because five black freshmen at University of Michigan did it first. So yes, marketing works. When we see something cool, we like it. Sometimes a whole shit ton of us even like it at the same time! When we see something we like, we want it. This holds true for EVERYTHING. For example, when I was seven my good friend Rondell had a Caeasar with waves. I thought it was the coolest fucking haircut in the universe. So, when it came time to get my hair did, I told my mom I wanted a Caesar with waves. She just sort of stammered, “Uh…I don’t think…see you and Rondell...your hair is…you know what, you sure you don’t want spikes instead? Spikes are cool.” I was like," SPIKES? Who do I look like Zach Morris? FUCK YOU, MOM. I WANT A CAESAR WITH CHILL WAVES AND I WANT IT NOW." So, my parents took me to a barber shop and had me tell the barber what I wanted. His exact words were, “Sorry son, that isn’t gonna happen. I can cut you a part if you want. What side do you want it on?”
Listen, I can’t explain socioeconomic phenomena. I don’t know why anyone would murder anyone for sneakers or anything else for that matter. Well, besides a Caesar with waves of course.