The Four Pins Guide To Packing For Fashion Week

Wait Until The Last Possible Minute

If you're anything like me, you'll wait until the hours before your flight takes off to start packing. Waiting 'til the last minute to pack for a trip that could have professional implications adds a level of excitement and desperation to everything. It feels like you're in an episode of The Amazing Race or some shit. Plus, that way you won't overthink your fits. Instead of meticulously planned gear, it'll be like alphet Russian roulette. You'll be pleasantly surprised that you remembered to pack that EG shawl you copped on sale, but equally perplexed by the fact that you can remember to pack a shawl and tote bags but completely forget to pack any underwear at all. Don't worry, there are like fifteen hundred Uniqlos in New York City these days. Just buy whatever basics you forgot there. Hopefully, they got, like, a two-for-one deal on some drawers.

Overpack

Because you waited until the last minute to pack, you're going to panic and just shove as much clothing as humanly possible into your suitcase. You’'e also a narcissistic little bitch that will cry a million blogger tears if another grown man is wearing the same item as you, which means you gotta have options, my guy. Plus, you have to bring that new hat you bought WAY BEFORE YOU SAW PHARRELL'S. And hat boxes take up hella room. If you think I'm kidding about how much #menswear bros overpack, just remember I'm going to be in NYC for a little over a week and I’m bringing both a checked ANY carry-on bag. LOOKING THIS AMAZING REQUIRES MORE THAN JUST COLOR COORDINATION. IT ALSO REQUIRES USING ROLLING BAGS THAT MY MOM GOT ON SALE AT T.J.MAXX FOR A TRIP TO CHINA AND A STAGGERING OVERWEIGHT BAGGAGE AIRLINE FEE.

Buy Yourself At Least One New Jawn Before Leaving

Fashion Weeks are basically the first day of school after summer vacation. Some dudes will have discovered weight lifting and eating healthy in the six months you haven't seen them. Other dudes will have newer, even cooler haircuts. That one guy that wore exclusively Siki Im in September? He wears bespoke suits now. What I’m trying to get at here is you can’t be wearing the same jeans I saw you wearing six months ago. Who cares if we all talk about creating "timeless wardrobes" filled with "quality, durable goods"? I need to know that you back up your useless knowledge of fashion trendz with conspicuous consumption. I mean, I bought a new hat that lowered my food budget considerably just for this trip alone. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? FAST FOOD IS STILL CHEAP IN NYC AND WITH MY HAT I LOOK LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN AN ORTHODOX JEW AND BRUNO MARS DIVIDED BY THE COEFFICIENT OF NERD. AND YOU CAN’T PUT A PRICE ON THAT. I’ll get some fancy coffee and bone marrow on my Detroit budget when I get back home.

Make Sure You Haven At Least One Frivolous Travel-Specific Accessory

Real #influencers have things like Braun travel alarm clocks and towels that are compressed into tiny capsules that expand when you put them in water. Why would you spend, like, 50 bones on something that your phone could do? C'mon, son. If you’re asking, "Why should I buy something?" you're on the wrong site of killing it. Make sure your alarm clock has a world time zone map. If something has a timezone map on it, you know it was made for travel. I'M NOT EVEN CHANGING TIME ZONES, BUT I STILL NEED TO KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS IN DUBAI, SO I CAN CASUALLY MENTION IT IN VAPID, PASSING CONVERSATION.

Headphones

FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON’T FORGET YOUR HEADPHONES. I FORGET EVERY TIME I GET ON A COTDAMN PLANE AND BEING IN AN AIRPORT SANS HEADPHONES IS LIKE BEING INSIDE AN AIRPORT WITHOUT HEADPHONES. THAT HORROR SPEAKS FOR ITSELF. THEN I GOTTA BUY, LIKE, A BUSH LEAGUE VERSION FROM HUDSON NEWS OR SOMETHING THAT COSTS THE SAME AS THOSE RIDICULOUS BEATS BY DRE HEADPHONES, BUT SOMEHOW MAKE IT SOUND LIKE JEEZY IS RAPPING TO ME THROUGH A TIN CAN. BUT IT’S WORTH IT BECAUSE ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN INTERACTING WITH YOUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS WHILST IN TRANSIT.

Pack All Of The Shoes

If anything, just do this to dispel silly gender-norming stereotypes, like it's only women who go HAM on short trips with ridiculous amounts of footwear. It's winter, so that means you get to stunt in boots, ruin suede shoes and insist on wearing sneakers despite the danger of you ice skating across the street in front of Milk Studios like an asshole.

Find A Nice Wood Floor Or Rug

This might seem a little out there, but you need to Instagram at least one outfit grid before you fly out. You're not gonna have the time to do unnecessary shit like this while you’re in New York because, surprisingly, runway shows and presentations will be taking up the better part of your days. Plus, you're not gonna be posting selfies. You’re at Fashion Week. Act like you've been here before. Tommy Ton is here to document your realness for Tumblr on your behalf.

Cigarettes

Fashion Week, like navigating a labyrinthine bureaucracy, requires bribes and favors. How do you expect to get that invite to the non-transferable RSVP only party in the basement of some gastro pub in the Lower East Side? Do you want to actually sit at a runway show or stand like a fucking peasant in the peanut gallery? Well, you better grease those palms, dudes. My preferred technique is having a lot of cigarettes. Cigarettes in New York cost more than a semester at Bard, so if you are from some state that doesn’t charge $29.50 for a pack of smokes, buy a few cartons, even if you don’t smoke. Then, when you’re standing outside the function with some real important cats with real important full time jobs, you can just casually start smoking. THEY WILL ALL WANT TO BUM A CIGARETTE OFF OF YOU EVEN IF THEY DON'T REALLY SMOKE BECAUSE FASHION. Pro tip: White people secretly love to smoke Newports ironically or something. So, when an alpha influencer is like, "Hey lemme get one?" just give him an entire pack. BOOM. He might remember your name now or you can just stealthily follow him to a bunch of other shows and presentations and just get that runoff invite. He'll be sitting front row and you'll be standing behind Bryan Boy’s less successful doppelgänger, Matthew Man.

Real Invites

These aren't totally necessary, but they will make your Fashion Week a decidedly more comfortable experience. You could email PR reps and designers directly, asking for invites like a fucking goon, or you could be like me and make your editors do that shit for you. Speaking of which, HEY GUYS, DID I GET THAT GELLER INVITE OR NAH? GELLER NEVER INVITES ME TO SHIT. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT, ROBERT?

Cameras

LOLZ just kidding. High quality lenses and photos shot in .raw are for people who make money selling their photographs. not people who stand outside Lincoln Center smoking cigarettes.That’s what iPhones and VSCO Cam are for.