Image via Complex Original
If you regularly look at fashion party recaps and photos online, they must seem like glamorous affairs. Sure, everything looks idyllic from afar, but that's just a shallow veneer that gives only the slightest hint of what lies inside.
Take a trip down the rabbit hole, and allow us to introduce you to the cast of characters you will undoubtedly find at all fashion parties and industry events. Whether it's the wasted blogger who thinks he belongs, or the model who came here with only one thing on her mind (the hors d'oeuvres), these are the industry types who populate these parties.
Study up on them here, and if you make it past the velvet rope you'll already have a good sense of what to expect and who to avoid. These are, without a doubt, The 10 Types of People You Meet at Fashion Industry Events. Now you know why there's so much free liquor.
The Hot Check-In Girl
Sometimes these parties take place in hard-to-find venues, so just look for the babe with a clipboard. Whether she's an intern or an assistant, the party planners always think that it's logical to put this chick at the door keep the uglies and uninvited out. It's a simple job. Mostly she just, sorta, has to stand there.
And yet, she's declined to ask anyone what alphabetical order means. Even worse, a crew of bloggers shows up and distracts her with their shiny wrist jewelry and are all granted admission. Whoops. Later in the night she simply disappears because she was cold or she went home with one of the male models. Will she get fired? Only if she remembers to go to work the next day.
The Blogger Who Snuck In
He strategically approached the door girl when she was dealing with some snafu, slipping in amidst the confusion of someone else's +3 request. He almost always rolls up alone, but if he does bring a friend, he'll ditch them with zero hesitation. Catch him in the corner nursing a drink and not talking to anyone, but tweeting as if he's the life of the party. On the exterior he's a stone-faced killer, acting like this is just another fucking invite to deal with. But on the inside? He's emotionally jizzing.
The Ugly +1
Sometimes you don't want to roll up to these parties solo. So, in the hopes of making the night more bearable, you extend your +1 privilege to a homie you haven't seen in a minute or a girl you're trying to hook up with. Well, whether you realize it or not, you've just produced a fashion party stereotype.
Your guest won't know many industry folks there, and with the booze flowing what else is there for the bored add-on to do but start going hard. Pretty soon, the girl you brought is slurring requests at the DJ and is the only one trying to dance. Or your dude is twisted to the point where he's the lecherous guy trying to hit on all the models. Everyone in the room starts to keep at least three feet of distance. If you're the one that brought along this whack guest, you only have one option: Act like you've never met them.
The Models Chowing Down
Contrary to popular belief, 99.9% of models are not anorexic, and probably enjoy food as much as your fat ass. What they possess and what you lack is a metabolism rate that would make Lance Armstrong blush. One of the more shocking sites for fashion party rookies is the gaggle of models in the corner, reaching over people's heads with impossibly long and svelte arms to grab and then house entire trays of shumai and pulled pork sliders.
Don't be mad just 'cause you really want a fucking crab cake but you can't fit into last year's pants. These people were born to be beautiful. You? Not so much. Besides, unless a model is a Victoria's Secret Angel, chances are her paycheck is as light as she is. She needs all the help she can get. And have you ever seen the catering at a photoshoot? A girl can't live off of veggie platters and coffee, son.
The Bored Designer
Dragged here by his publicist, he'll spend the evening shaking the necessary hands and kissing the required cheeks, but beyond that most face time is given to their drink. Sure it's nice to have people figuratively S your D about how great this season's collection looks, but if they really felt that way why the fuck won't they write about the clothes or stock some of it in their store?
The Creepy Photographer
He's there to take your photo and thinks that you're there to take his card. As soon as he snaps a pic of your crew, he's exploiting your momentary blindness from the camera flash to stuff his contact info into your hand. And then he reminds you of his website and gives you a pound every time you see him the rest of the night. The struggle is that real, people.
And then of course while you write him off for the evening, he'll pull some model from underneath your nose because he promises her free test shots. It's also entirely possible that this dude caught some photographic evidence that can be used to blackmail you, so be wary of this one. He is, after all, the most sober dude at the party. Except for the guy who believes in Mormon chic.
The Overeager Publicist
For the last few months this night has been their raison d'être. And even if this one night only event has undoubtedly shaved years off their life, they can't enjoy their work one bit. Instead, they keep smiling and laughing and texting friends to show up to the sparsely attended party, all the while craning their neck searching out the editor who won't show up.
The other publicist you run into is the one who fucking straps up for these events like they're off to war. Press releases are memorized, the names of certain editors' children and significant others are studied, and cocaine is procured in case their pitch's target is known to dabble. Trust us, they dabble.
The Tastemakers
No one really knows why they're here, what they do, or where they came from, but you better hope they show up. And when they do, you'll know it. For them, tonight is the night of unveiling the latest fashions these fashioney fashion fiends are bringing to the fashion party.
The boring "It" girl will sit there yay'd up and silently be hot. Some Jeremy Scott muse will get up on the tables and set the party off. The rest of them will come out of the woodwork dressed like they're taking drugs from the year 2702 and dressed accordingly. You think they give a fuck that this event is to commemorate the 85th birthday of some editor? Just shut up and study the moves of the new dance they're doing.
The Straight Guy on the Prowl
In an industry where straight guys are a minority, they are as rare at fashion parties as straight women are plentiful. So yes, the odds are in their favor, so there will always be a guy who shows up thinking he can get some easy ass. The problem is their intentions are pretty obvious and pretty creepy from the get-go. After All, why else would the style editor of Guns & Ammo show up at a drag runway show to raise money for breast cancer awareness?
If you're in the mood for entertainment, then keep an eye on these guys. Their dancing will be bizarre, the pick-up lines hilarious, and the amount of drinking: tremendous.
The Paid Celebrity Appearance
Here's the thing about celebrities—they can get paid for just about anything. Fifteen minutes at a party? That can cost a PR company or a brand a couple of thousand dollars. It's great to have Kanye or Sarah Jessica Parker roll through—it boosts your event's cachet and you give the peons present a chance to Instagram something worthwhile, like a blurry shot of Kanye dapping up Chace Crawford.
You won't exactly meet these people. No, they'll be surrounded by flashbulbs for the entirety of their brief stay, before they are corralled into an exclusive "V.I.P." area slightly larger than a thumbnail. That's where they'll spend the next 20 minutes (if that) in this godawful place, thumbing through dickpics on their iPhone or making idle talk with publicists.
