Image via Complex Original
In case you were unaware, the music industry's answer to the Illuminati gathered today to bestow upon us a "new world order" (Kanye's words, not ours) in the form of Tidal, a new super high quality music streaming service spearheaded by Jay Z. But enough about lossless audio, whatever the hell that is. We're more interested in what happens when you get damn near twenty of the hottest people in music together on one stage all with varying degrees of alphet efficiency. Who came through and crushed the building, and who absolutely bricked it? Here's a breakdown of the Tidal press conference from the only perspective that truly matters.
Kanye, Jay Z and J. Cole
Kanye: "J. I thought I told you the personal brand sweater wave was gon be all me today! And Hov you still ain't wearing your Yeezy Boosts, fam? I had Kim handwrite the address, I know you got them by now!"
Jay Z: "Maybe your man Dame will wear a pair in y'all next Instagram press conference."
J. Cole: "My bad guys, my black jeans are in the wash."
(In all seriousness though, cool DONDA crew, the streets need that, Yeezy. And credit Jigga for keeping it real BK with wheat Timbs at his own event press conference.)
Beyoncé
That evening when you have to slide through a work event first but plan on hitting the club later and there's no time to go home and change. We've all been there.
Usher, Nicki, and Rihanna
Pretty restrained for Sir Raymond, sunglasses indoors while onstage at a press conference and all. Then again, we couldn't get the best look but he appears to have, naturally, bricked the alphet with a pair of wildly left-veering kicks, because Usher can't help but Usher.
But Nicki and Rihanna, though? Hot damn, the rules of business casual have never been so playfully and gorgeously blurred. If we have to choose, the edge goes to Rihanna simply for the way that chest tat is peeking out of the blazer, but wow. Top two of the event, for sure.
Jason Aldean
*Jason Aldean gets text from Hov before press conference*: "Ay fam, make sure you wear that ten-gallon so the streets know we got country in on this too." *Aldean sighs, sullenly removes his Roc Nation snapback.*
Deadmau5
Wow, if audio quality was sweg this is 128kbps, breh. Fam came to the conference dressed for Electric Zoo instead, and still poorly at that. Stay home next time, mau5. Meanwhile, Madonna came through in the ill ritualistic sacrifice gown, as if no one told her not to telegraph this Illuminati shit too blatantly.
Chris Martin
That moment when you're on a stream for millions to see and realize your collar is baconing.
Daft Punk
"You think we should go formal helmets today, or nah? Why did Beyoncé send us the dress code in a handwritten letter, dammit?"
Arcade Fire
This is a photo of Arcade Fire at a Houston Rockets game, taken five days ago. He was wearing the exact same thing head to toe at the press conference. Please sign up for Tidal and give the power back to Arcade Fire, so that he may make disposable money to spend on more alphets.
