Style

The Worst Dressed Person From Each of the 50 States in America

State of the busted ass nation.

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There are over 300 million people in the United States, but only 50 of them have busted enough style to make this list. So, congratulations to these men for being the wackest dudes in their regions. To qualify, our subjects had to have lived, been born in, or—at the very least—spent some time during a flight layover in their respective states. We hear you crying foul, but understand that this piece is about people who dress poorly and not your geographical technicalities. Without further ado, Complex Style presents the worst dressed person from each of the 50 states in Amerca.

Written by Sean Evans (@seanseaevans)

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1. Alabama: Carl Lewis

Born in Alabama
Dresses like: Prince's bed spread
State's honorable mention: Hank Williams

It's a good thing Carl Lewis has 10 Olympic medals, otherwise it would say "rarely invited to things," on his tombstone. We know this dude doesn't have a ton of true buddies because friends don't let friends dress like New Edition backup dancers.

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2. Alaska: Curt Schilling

Born in Alaska
Dresses Like: A grown man with a disturbingly large collection of Avengers comics
State's Honorable Mention: Todd Palin

Curt Schilling looks like the lead role in every childhood PSA about talking to strangers. It's like he saw a video where a dude pulls up to an elementary school in a windowless van and said to himself, "I want to dress like the guy who's offering free Skittles!" Tasteless pederast is not a good look. We thought that was obvious, but apparently some people need a reminder.

3. Arizona: Dierks Bentley

Born in Arizona
Dresses like: Someone with several pet boa constrictors
State's honorable mention: Joe Jonas

We don't care how many millions of dollars Dierks Bentley is worth we know he steals cable. This is the look of a man that leaves his child alone in the car when he hits the strip club. See this picture? That's at the CMT's, AKA country music's Academy Awards with lift kits and pervasive type 2 diabetes, and this guy looks like he's about light his RV on fire and brag about the insurance payout on Facebook. SMH.

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4. Arkansas: Billy Bob Thornton

Born and raised in Arkansas
Dresses like: A tattoo artist that accepts crushed Oxycontin as payment
State's honorable mention: John Grisham

Billy Bob Thornton has more ratchet ink work than a cellblock at Rikers Island. When you return to you car and see a busted out passenger side window, trust that a guy that looks exactly like this is at a nearby pawn shop trading your XM radio for an autographed 8x10 of Dee Snider.

5. California: Tiger Woods

Born and raised in California
Dresses like: A guy that just got off of a flight from Peru with 12 ounces of cocaine stored between his butt cheeks
State's honorable mention: MC Hammer

Tiger Woods traded his family for harem of reality show castoffs and has-been porn stars, but retrospectively we should have seen it coming. Tiger definitely looks like a guy that reeks of Armani Black Code and writes his phone number on bottle service receipts. Ladies, if you're dating a guy that dresses like this, it's only a matter of time before he asks you to pee on him in bed. You've been warned.

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6. Colorado: Wes Welker

Plays for the Denver Broncos
Dresses Like: A living testament to how multiple concussions can affect one's judgment
State's honorable mention: Ted Haggard

Wes Welker is the throes of what has been a pretty terrific NFL career, but he still dresses like he's wearing his chunky older brother's hand-me-downs. Honestly, this guy would be more stylish if he wore his full uniform with pads to the grocery store. At the very least, he should rock a helmet instead of ratty caps.

7. Connecticut: Aaron Hernandez

Born and raised in Connecticut
Dresses Like: A guy that sells stolen Beats by Dre headphones out of the trunk of his Chevy Beretta
State's honorable mention: Michael Bolton

Patriots owner Robert Kraft claims to have been "duped" by Aaron Hernandez, but it's only a matter of time before a guy that rocks that much Akademiks gear embarrasses your organization. No man that color coordinates his straight-billed hat and shoes with an extra long t-shirt deserves a $37.5 million dollar contract extension. You can't trust that guy.

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8. Delaware: Douglas Hutchison

Born in Delaware
Dresses like: Someone who's continuously frisked by mall security
State's honorable mention: Cori Yarckin

Douglas Hutchison is an actor who was in 24 and Lost, but he's best known for marrying a 16 year-old. Yes, pervert, the girl in that picture has a learner's permit. Anyway, he's basically a how-to guide on what to wear if you want people walking towards you on the sidewalk to cross the street. If you're looking to swagger jack, he shops in the schlubby section of Express for Men Who Go to College Online.

9. Florida: Hulk Hogan

Lives in Florida
Dresses like: A mix between Willie Nelson and Simon Cowell in the worst possible way
State's honorable mention: T-Pain

Hulk Hogan is the worst dressed person in Florida, which is like being the fattest person in Wisconsin. It's so pathetically clear that Hulk's last good year was 1991 because he's still dressing like the head of Van Halen's security detail. We'd continue shredding this clown, but—at 60 years old—he looks like he could crush a tennis ball in the palm of his hand. We're going to move on before he storms the Complex office and chokes out every editor with a suffocating sleeper hold.

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10. Georgia: Lil' Jon

Born and raised in Georgia
Dresses like: A caricature of himself
State's honorable mention: Cee Lo Green and Ludacris

This is what happens when all you drink is cough syrup out of a chalice. Lil' Jon seriously dresses like one of those struggle Halloween costumes that comes in a bag for $14.99. He's a hodgepodge of tired crunk era clichés and tasteless accessories. If you asked your mom to draw a rapper, she'd sketch Lil' Jon's exact likeness without ever having seen him.

11. Hawaii: Dog the Bounty Hunter

Lives in Hawaii
Dresses like: A guy that was inprisoned in 1983, had no access to the outside world, and just got out of the slammer
State's honorable mention: Um, Bruno Mars can be a little annoying

If Sitting Bull had a kid with Joan Jett—and that kid grew up to orchestrate an identy theft ring on behalf of a biker gang—he'd look exactly like Dog the Bounty Hunter. This guy wore a feather, dog tags, a sleeveless vest, wraparound shades and what appears to be a band of bobcat teeth around his bicep TO HIS WEDDING. You know Whitesnake was in heavy rotation at the reception.

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12. Idaho: Jake Pitts

Born in Idaho
Dresses like: A guy that bites the head off of a live pigeon for dinner, sleeps in a coffin, and scrawls messages to Satan in a pig's blood on his bedroom walls
State's honorable mention: Jake Plummer

If you're going to dress like this, you better not have an Twitter account full of selfies. That's the thing about these faux spawns of the underworld, they dress like asthmatic demons but this clown is probably on Instagram right now adding a Valencia filter to a picture of his brunch. Jake Pitts' look is specifically designed to freak out the parents of suburban junior high girls that refuse to dress for gym class. Being a parent sucks because you'll ask your daughter to take the garbage out and she'll scream, "You don't understand me!" Then she'll lock herself in her room and blare this horrible music until you drown yourself in an above ground pool.

13. Illinois: Chief Keef

Born and raised in Illinois
Dresses like: A barbarian warlord from Mad Max 2
State's honorable mention: Everyone on Chicago's Blue Line after midnight

We hate to sound old but...at what point will kids just start wearing their pants around their ankles? Skinnies are debilitating enough when they're not sagging to your kneecaps. Anyway, Chief Keef dresses poorly, even for a guy who accessorizes with an AR-15. This guy wears more monogram print patterns than a Real Housewife of New Jersey. His pants look like an exploding galaxy and his shirt is drooling, which is about as eloquent a statement as you'll find from this guy.

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14. Indiana: Gary Shirley

Lives in Indiana
Dresses like: Pretty much everyone in Indiana
State's honorable mention: Jermaine Jackson

Holy moly, this guy is the best/worst. We're not sure how many Aeropostale stores have closed since Gary Shirley started making appearances on MTV's Teen Mom, but it must number in the hundreds. This is that guy who leg press, like, 400 pounds, so he wears form-fitting muscle t-shirts exclusively, even though his walk to the mailbox requires three rest stops and a water break.

15. Iowa: Ashton Kutcher

Born and raised in Iowa
Dresses like: An A-Rod, Channing Tatum, and Adam Levine smoothie that, when mixed, tastes like cigarettes and foot sweat
State's honorable mention: Tom Arnold

Ashton Kutcher is trying really hard, guys. It's like he reads every single article that rips his style, reinvents his look, and ends up failing even worse than he did before. He goes home to Mila Kunis and has more money than a Libyan dictator, but for whatever reason he's hell bent on being good as fuck at wearing clothes. It seems like a pathetic life's mission to us, but we're rooting for him.

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16. Kansas: Charlie Weis

Head Football Coach at the University of Kansas
Dresses like: A sack of grapefruit held together by an extension cord
State's honorable mention: Eric Stonestreet

We hear you over there, "Charlie Weis is a football coach, he doesn't care about fashion!" Bullshit. If this guy didn't care, he'd just throw on a windbreaker and call it a day like every other college football coach. Charlie, on the other hand, shows off his fupa with unyielding enthusiasm. As Nicki Minaj is to wearing her ass like an accessory, Charlie Weis is to vaunting that colossal front butt. The only question is why? Like, this guy would look better in Crocs and a muumuu, but he insists on squeezing into a medium polo and some tight ass khakis. He's either totally unaware or trolling us all, but probably the former.

17. Kentucky: Billy Ray Cyrus

Born in Kentucky
Dresses like: A guy that gets a bottle of whiskey smashed over his head during a bar brawl even though he had nothing to do with the fight
State's honorable mention: Ricky Skaggs

Billy Ray Cyrus dresses like an undercover cop who's staging a prostitution sting. It's like he asks himself, "How would a real life outlaw dress?" Then he throws on a sleeveless Fruit of the Loom undershirt, rips a hole in his jeans, and throws up on himself out of sheer nervousness when a hooker approaches the car. Look at this guy stare us down whilst leaning on his street bike. LOL.

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18. Louisiana: Jared Leto

Born in Kentucky
Dresses like: A superhero, but his only power is the ability to open garage doors with his mind
State's honorable mention: Richard Simmons, Lil' Wayne, and Randy Jackson all look pretty busted as well

Jared Leto stares at the camera in deep reflective thought all the time. The guy is like a Twilight movie personified. His style is half art-house snuff film, half Rod Stewart if "Rod the Mod" was addicted to caffeine pills. Guys like this are scary, though. Jared Leto might look like Jake Gyllenhall after a juice cleanse, but we can tell by looking at his horrifying little rat eyes that he'll put a pen in your jugular without hesitation. In sum, if you see this dude talking to an alley wall outside an industrial building turned rave party, run away and don't look back.

19. Maine: Judd Nelson

Born in Maine
Dresses like: Someone who claims they were abducted and probed by aliens
State's honorable mention: Howie Day

If you've forgotten who Judd Nelson is, he's the goon from The Breakfast Club who experienced a complete coming-of-age transformation during a Saturday detention because '80's movies are stupid. Today, he apparently wanders airports looking like Sasquatch's college professor. This is what happens when you peak at 26-years-old. Word to Jessica Simpson.

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20. Maryland: David Hasselhoff

Born in Maryland
Dresses like: An elderly grandparent that recently—and without doctor approval—stopped taking their antipsychotic medication
State's honorable mention: Joel Madden

David Hasselhoff could be such a stylish older gentleman. He has elegantly disheveled chest hair, he stays in pretty good shape, and he has the mane of a high school kid. Unfortunately, he's been typecast as the entertainment industry's unofficial, goofball mascot and he seems content to play the part.

21. Massachusetts: John Cena

Born and raised in Massachusetts
Dresses like: A guy that dines in at a KFC x A&W restaurant on Christmas
State's honorable mention: Jay Leno

We know he's in incredible shape, but John Cena dresses like a guy that drinks nothing but Mountain Dew out of a Big Gulp cup. It's like he takes style advice from the fans at WrestleMania with fanny packs and misspelled tattoos. We thought Michael Jordan was the Michael Jordan of jean shorts, but THIS dude is the Michael Jordan of jean shorts. We'd never say any of this to his face because he'd Five Knuckle Shuffle our fragile faces in half, but this guy is a style icon for people who total their Chevy S10s out of panic when they see a DUI check point.

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22. Michigan: Insane Clown Posse

Born and rased in Michigan
Dress like: A tag team of backyard wrestlers that have six months to get their GED or mom's kicking them out of the basement garage
State's Honorable Mention: Ted Nugent, David Spade, Kid Rock—honestly, this state could have a 50 list of its own

Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope rock the kind of look that only makes sense if you have an ankle monitor. If you want to make it abundantly clear that you didn't finish high school and can't cross state lines legally, follow the street style cues at Gathering of the Juggalos. All of that said, these guys look like they're having a good time. The Insane Clown Posse style is equal parts "I have a pocketful of mescaline and I'm willing to share AND there's a warrant out for my arrest because I stopped making child support payments.

23. Minnesota: Nick Swardson

Born and raised in Minnesota
Dresses like: Rob Dyrdek, if Rob Dyrdek lost cognitive function after a four wheeler accident
State's Honorable Mention: Kris Humphries

Nick Swardson looks like a kid they'd use to wave in would-be pedophiles on To Catch a Predator. This guy is approaching 40-years-old, but he dresses like someone who wears Heelys to a job interview. Word to this dude, though, Wheelchair Cat: Trust Fund Kitty makes us giggle.

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24. Mississippi: Soulja Boy

Spent his teen years in Mississippi
Dresses like: A vandalized park bench
State's honorable mention: Brett Favre

Soulja Boy dresses like he's falling through the floors of an eight story Macy's and just grabbing shit on the way down. Then, when a service dog breaks his fall on the first level, he just drapes himself in various garments and Instagrams a selfie. This guy looked better when he was writing his name on his sunglasses with silly string. Unless you're trying to be Miley Cyrus' date to the Teen Choice Awards, you needn't mess with this look.

25. Missouri: Nelly

Grew up in Missouri
Dresses like: A bartender at the Hard Rock
State's honorable mention: John Goodman

These are the kinds of decisions you make when you live on a steady diet of whey protein shakes and grizzly bear testosterone. Because he can curl a pool table with one arm, Nelly wears sleeveless vests like Bart Simpson wears orange t-shirts. This dude was never the nicest dresser, but things have gone full-blown Randy Savage since he started kicking it with cornball country singers. We blame Florida Georgia Line for this fuckery.

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26. Montana: Adam Morrison

Born in Montana
Dresses like: Someone who can't live within 2000 feet of a school
State's honorable mention: Patrick Duffy

"Hi Mister, is Emily home?" It's every dad's worst nightmare to see this guy pull up to the crib in a beat-to-shit Kia Sportage on prom night. This dude is definitely chriping the gears and ripping a few donuts in the front lawn as he drives off with your daughter, too. Even by the standards of NBA lottery picks this guy's tasteless.

27. Nebraska: Larry the Cable Guy

Born and raised in Nebraska
Dresses like: Someone who has been intimately involved with a farm animal
State's honorable mention: Lance Bass

Ugh, is this that "Get-r-done" guy, or whatever? Just looking at this picture makes whatever room you're in smell like Sonic burger farts. If your wife has an expansive collection of Beanie Babies and you sleep with a giant rebel flag as a blanket, then this is your look. Otherwise, don't front. You are not about that spitting chewing tobacco into a Budweiser can life, bud.

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28. Nevada: Criss Angel

Lives in Las Vegas
Dresses like: A person who's had Jimmy John's delivered to the methadone clinic
State's honorable mention: T.J. Lavin, Carey Hart

When did Vince Neil get a magic show on deep cable? This dude is tripping. Look, if there is a supernatural energy in the world, it's going to take more than dressing like Tommy Lee's weed carrier to tap into it. Although, in all honesty, we've caught some clips of Mindfreak and this dude does some stuff to make you scratch your head. However, there's nothing tight about looking like a gothic warlord with a pollen allergy so FOH to this guy's whole thing.

29. New Hampshire: Bode Miller

Born in New Hampshire
Dresses like: A sleazy, unlicensed real estate agent that gets kicked out of The Bachelorette mansion on the first night
State's honorable mention: Triple H

If you've forgotten who Bode Miller is, he's the skiier that unapologetically partied through the 2006 Olympic Games and took home as many medals as we did. Naturally, he's also the type of guy to show up at the ESPYs in a suit that looks like it's been rolling around in the trunk of his pre-owned Lexus since the games in Turin.

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30. New Jersey: Kevin Smith

Born and raised in New Jersey
Dresses like: A guy that stands in line at an adult film convention for eight hours to get an autograph from Lisa Ann
State's honorable mention: Ice-T

Kevin Smith is the coolest because he dresses like someone who knows the fire department is eventually going to have to remove a wall from his home to get him out, but he doesn't really care. It's a bad sign when a guy this heavy is buying clothes he can grow into. Smith's a Lady Gaga-like style icon, only instead of inspiring an insufferable army of "little monsters," he speaks to the internet porn-addicted hoarders that exploit their World of Warcraft dependency for a disability check.

31. New Mexico: Adrian Grenier

Born in New Mexico
Dresses like: A guy tyring to score acid tabs at Bonnaroo
State's honorable mention: Freddie Prinze Jr.

Adrian Grenier better be clueless because if this is a "complicated actor" sort of thing, we're going to start breaking stuff. Vinny Chase is, maybe, the fifth most likable character on his own show, so there's no place for this DGAF artistic license.

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32. New York: Mark Zuckerberg

Born and raised in New York
Dresses like: A guy who consistently strikes out in slow pitch softball
State's honorable mention: Mickey Rourke, Larry King, Adam Sandler, and Donald Trump

There's nothing wrong with wearing basic ass clothes, unless you're a billionaire. Billionaires have a responsibility to build shark tanks in their palatial estates, wear head-to-toe Gucci, and complain about how Obamacare is going to force them to lay off employees—it's what makes the world go round. With that said, Mark Zuckerberg absolutely sucks at being a rich person. This guy should be wearing three pairs of True Religion jeans, red Yeezy 2s, and one of those Victoria's Secret bras made out of ideal cut diamonds.

33. North Carolina: Petey Pablo

Born and raised in North Carolina
Dresses like: A guy that would try to carry a 9mm pistol aboard a domestic flight on the nine-year anniversary of 9/11 (true story, by the way)
State's honorable mention: Clay Aiken

Petey Pablo is basically everything bad about Jermaine Dupri's look mixed with everything bad about Juicy J's look. His wardrobe is made up entirely of souvenirs you'd find at Great America. The way this guy works airbrushed t-shirt art into his everyday steez is pretty remarkable, though.

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34. North Dakota: Phil Jackson

Raised in North Dakota
Dresses like: A general in the armed forces, if country club's had armies
State's honorable mention: Charlie Korsmo

North Dakota is one of those swaggerless states with, like, three famous people. So, Phil Jackson—while not the world's worst dresser—gets the nod for looking like Colonel Sanders' ambulance chasing, Southern attorney younger brother.

35. Ohio: Guy Fieri

Born in Ohio
Dresses like: A strip club DJ
State's honorable mention: Katt Williams

Chefs are like guys who wrestle alligators—they were relegated to the social fringe for years until someone decided to make them all celebrities. We're not sure whose decision that was, but thanks for all the extra douchebag egomaniacs. We didn't have enough before. Thankfully, Guy Fieri has a tough look to replicate. You basically have to shop at truck stops exclusively, or know someone who works the backroom at Tommy Bahama outlet.

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36. Oklahoma: Toby Keith

Born and raised in Oklahoma
Dresses like: A person who gets violently angry when you tell them wrestling isn't real
State's honorable mention: Chuck Norris

Toby Keith is probably worth a lot of dough, but he dresses like he lives on Hot Pockets and smoked road kill. There's no way that this guy has fewer than 11 Dale Earnhardt Fatheads in his home. Toby Keith, and this is a pandemic in country music, dresses like he's doing an impression of a country singer. It's just a flannel shirt, a stupid hat, and a bunch of dumb songs about taking the dirt road to the chicken fry. You could make the same case about a lot of musicians on this list and their respective genres, but this guy is the worst.

37. Oregon: Chael Sonnen

Born and raised in Oregon
Dresses like: A guy that gets thrown out of LIV Nightclub for grabbing a go-go dancer inappropriately
State's honorable mention: Puddles the Duck

For whatever reason, all UFC fighters dress like 17-year-olds who are into street bikes. We could make a 50 list ripping the style of everyone one of these clowns, but it's not worth the inevitable roundhouse kick to the face. Chael Sonnen is part bar doorman and part CrossFit instructor, which means he's going to talk your ear off about his "routine" if he corners you at a party.

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38. Pennsylvania: Bret Michaels

Born and raised in Pennsylvania
Dresses like: Someone who's three-fourths done with taking off their makeup after finishing third runner-up in a drag show
State's honorable mention: Bam Margera

Bret Michaels is like a heavyweight boxer that's past his prime, but continues getting pummeled because he owes eight figures to the IRS. He has to wake up every morning and perpetuate this sexpot rock star thing; only our country doesn't have enough strippers with Cesarean section scars to keep his career moving. When you dress like this AND insist on remaining a celebrity, you can't age gracefully. That's why this guy looks like he's pumped full of Formaldehyde and held together with duct tape.

39. Rhode Island: Paul DelVecchio

Born and raised in Rhode Island
Dresses like: Someone who thinks hepatitis A can be treated at the squat rack
State's honorable mention: Jon B.

This is the official uniform for guys who've had a Cadillac CTS repossessed. Salute to this dude for looking more like Scott Storch on coke than Scott Storch on coke. We can't even front though, this guy is prince by the standards of the Jersey Shore house, a pathetic standard if ever there was one.

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40. South Carolina: Andy Dick

Born in South Carolina
Dresses like: An unruly hobo on bath salts, which might be intentional
State's honorable mention: Lee Brice

Guys that do a lot of blow either dress immaculately or like they've been up for 72 hours sketching tattoo ideas. Like, if a guy carries a vial, he's either wearing a William Fioravanti suit or something he pulled out of a sleeping bum's trash bag—there's no in-between. Can you guess where Andy Dick's style falls on that spectrum?

41. South Dakota: Brock Lesnar

Born and raised in South Dakota
Dresses like: A hitman that was wayyy into the Marshall Mathers LP
State's Honorable Mention: Mike Miller

Guys that are capable of punching a person's nose through the back of their skull are rarely denounced, which is probably why no one's told Brock Lesnar that he dresses like Cain Velasquez's compression shorts smell. This freak looks like Spencer Pratt on a steady diet of bull shark urine, but because he can rip a rhino's head off with his bare hands everyone gives him a pass. Besides us of course, which is why we want to tell our mothers that we love them and we'd appreciate it if you spread our ashes on the infield of Yankee Stadium.

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42. Tennessee: Bill Belichick

Born in Tennessee
Dresses like: Someone who pays their cable bill in person and with change
State's honorable mention: Johnny Knoxville

If a player wears their socks too high, they get fined $15,000. But the NFL's fine with Bill Belichick dressing like he sleeps in a subway car. Is this a 5x Super Bowl champion or a disgruntled suburban dad looking to get his money's worth at an all-you-can-eat Pizza Hut? Unless you're a high school wrestler trying to make weight, there's nothing tight about all fleece everything.

43. Texas: Robert Matthew Van Winkle (AKA Vanilla Ice)

Grew up in Texas
Dresses like: A guy that gets arrested in the parking lot of a Limp Bizkit concert for huffing gasoline
State's honorable mention: Ryan Cabrera

Robbie would be better off going back to parachute pants and Surf Style windbreakers. We know he publically denounces that Vanilla Ice style, but it's better than looking like he forges checks for a living. If you dress like this and haven't swung on a police officer with a broken bottle of Evan Williams, then you're a poseur.

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44. Utah: Karl Malone

Played 18 seasons with the Utah Jazz
Dresses like: bass player for The Country Bears
State's honorable mention: Shawn Bradley

Karl Malone is all over the place. Sometimes he looks like a cowboy; sometimes he looks like a truck driver, and most of the time he looks like a break-dancer that can't six step without blowing out an ACL. All this guy ever wanted was a ring, but thanks to some dude named Michael Jordan he'll have to settle for accessorizing with wraparound shades and a ten-gallon hat.

45. Vermont: Trey Anastasio

Lives in Vermont
Dresses like: A person that goes to the Apple Store to check their email
State's honorable mention: Luis Guzman

Trey Anastasio is a kiss-the-ring godfather for your high school's drabbest looking clique. This guy's fan base is primarily burnouts that wear Baja hoodies, so we don't even blame Trey for phoning in it in. Like, if most of your fans were white guys with dreadlocks and beards that smell like vegan weed brownies, you'd dress like Steve Jobs' drug dealer, too.

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46. Virginia: Chris Brown

Born and raised in Virginia
Dresses like: The street style Joey Buttafuoco
State's honorable mention: Allen Iverson

No one needs the "Scared Straight" program more than Chris Brown. This cell warrior is entirely too cocky. Some all day and a night lifer needs to make Breezy comb his chest hair on TV before Billboard's favorite dirtbag shows up to the BET Awards in a cheetah print onesie.

47. Washington: Blake Lewis

Born and raised in Washington
Dresses like: A total Blake
State's honorable mention: Bill Gates

American Idol is a cheese ball factory and this guy is an Axe hair product covered block of stinky Limburger. It looks like a Topshop mannequin came to life. Someone get this guy a froyo before he gets angry and writes a snarky Yelp review. This dude has a bad look because middle school from the suburbs are the only ones who dig it. Blake Lewis has a lot of soul searching to do.

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48. West Virginia: Steve Harvey

Born in West Virginia
Dresses like: A lottery pick in the NBA Draft
State's honorable mention: Morgan Spurlock

Steve Harvey wears the kinds of suits that you sport when you're being buried. It looks like a corpse crawled out of a coffin during its own eulogy and just started doing The Charleston. There is room for 12-18 adult sized dumps in his pants. Also, Steve, is your career just so hot right now that you need to hold on to your persona? We'll let you think about that, but in the mean time hit up a Club Monaco or something.

49. Wisconsin: Ryan Braun

Plays for the Milwaukee Brewers
Dresses like: Someone who knows the lyrics to every 3 Doors Down song
State's honorable mention: Dustin Diamond

This is the look we'd expect from a guy that cheated his way to the country's highest tax bracket. The side effects of steroid use have been discussed ad nauseum—shrunken testicles, a propensity towards smashing out car windows with one's bare hands, and 24/7 Metallica—but no one discusses the juicer's love for tastelessly gaudy t-shirts. From the lat pulldown machine at Gold's Gym to Ryan Braun's closet, it's nothing but shooting stars and dragon shit.

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50. Wyoming: Chris Cooley

Born in Wyoming
Dresses like: He's constantly going through a rookie hazing, even though he's been in the league for nine seasons
State's honorable mention: Dick Cheney

Chris Cooley's been hip to the goofball athlete game since Rob Gronkowski was in middle school. It must pain Cooley to see that meathead in New England get all the love. Fullbacks get no respect. If you're going to wear form-fitting dolphin shorts to football practice, at least have the presence of mind to shove a 32 oz. Gatorade bottle down by the crotch area. That's Style 101 ish. And you're welcome.

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