Image via Complex Original
You know 'em when you see 'em—the dimes who become sevens with just a second glance because of their wack sense of style, and great bodies that are ruined by loose and billowy blouses. What the hell is a "going-out top" and a "flatform?" Enough ladies. As the fairer sex, you should learn how to flatter and enhance yourselves with clothing instead of trying what Lady Gaga did last week. We're here to tell you the truth—that sometimes, even though we love you, you dress like a fuckin' dickhead. Here are 10 Things Women Wear That Men Hate. If you have any of these items in your closet, we suggest you burn them immediately.
Harem Pants
Hey genie, our first wish is to make your shit-filled diaper go away. Our second wish is to make MC Hammer's pants never happen ever again. And our third wish is just to get you naked.
Bug-Eyed Sunglasses
Bug-eyed sunglasses suck because we can't tell if you're hot or not. There's a thin line between a butterface and a solid ten, and those monstrous lenses conceal the difference between a true knockout and the eyes of Medusa.
Tent Dresses
Con: you look like a Christmas tree. Pro: there are usually gifts under those.
Flip-Flops
Yo ma, your chancletas make the grossest sounds. Worse than when you chew with your mouth open. Oh, and your feet are fucking dirty.
Tube Tops and Strapless Dresses
Most of the time, men like seeing women in smaller pieces of clothing but in this case, removing straps and sleeves from dresses and shirts may not work in a girl's favor. The straight and flat top gets rid of all traces of breasteses, and no matter how skinny a girl is, some mysterious back fat makes its way in to our peripheral. Not a good look.
Shearling Boots
Cankles and knock knees for all! Women choose comfort over style at the airport, the grocery store, or Starbucks, but what they don't know is that these spots are exactly the places where one might meet a potential mate. And most men won't even consider talking to a girl if a wooly mammoth is swallowing her up to the knees. We're not built like that.
Sweatpants with Writing on the Butt
It's like the whole cleavage thing. Don't show it if you don't want us looking at it. If you have trigger words like "Pink" and "Juicy" on your ass, what makes you think we won't stare? And then to tell us that we're the creeps? SMH. We should have known better because only maniacs wear housepants in public.
High-Waisted Jeans
We get it, Man Repeller fans. High-waisted shit is sooooo hot right now. But the reality is, these wedgie pants give the illusion of a FUPA and a saggy butt. Mom jeans are not hot and never will be.
Maxi Dresses
Sun dresses, short dresses, bandage dresses = everything guys love about summer. So what the hell is this long piece of cloth women are wearing now? Do you actually want to look pregnant? Is showing ankles in public inappropriate again? Is this dress named after the maxi pad? Because the dress sure as hell puts a damper on our sex drive just like it.
Weird Heels
Legs automatically look sexier when women put heels on. Also, posture is improved, and height is lengthened. What can't a stiletto do? Well to punish us all, the stiletto has been removed and women are starting to wear heel-less heels (uhhh what?) and platforms that give them club feet. And the worst part about this is that the girls think they're being fashion-forward and look down on your "poor taste" with their 9-inch tranny shoes.