Cardinal Office Style Sins Every Guy Should Avoid

Just because you're a cog in soulless machine, trapped behind the monotonous beige walls of your cubicle, with only shitty motivational posters and one-a-day cartoon calendars to give you solace doesn't mean that you have to look bad. Of course, it isn't easy to look your best in cubicle-wear. Every industry has different standards that they expect workers to adhere to, and though they vary widely, from marketing firm business casual to insurance salesman suit-you-wear-to-a-funeral chic, these standards have a way of cramping your style.

Whether you work in a stuffy shirt-and-tie environment or a "cool job" where sandals-and-smugness suffice, there are some key style sins that every man should avoid when figuring out how to dress for workplace success. They say "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." We can't necessarily help you there, but we can at least help you avoid workplace embarrassment with your threads, and limit your shame to where it usually comes from: your performance. Here are Cardinal Office Style Sins Every Guy Should Avoid.

Every office has its own special dress code carefully tailored by the anal retentive HR department. Dressing up at the Complex offices often means having the freshest kicks. For jobs where you work with your hands, too casual means improper or shoddy gear. In the business world, the standard can be anything from an unbuttoned collared shirt to a three-piece suit. Regardless of where you work, the most important thing is not to be one at the bottom of the style food chain.

When you start a new job, always overdress for the first couple days. Even if you are the only guy in the office wearing a tie, it is better than being the only guy in a t-shirt. If possible, be sure to take to get a glimpse of the offices during your job interview so that you can take the style temperature of the room. In an era where CEOs wear v-necks and parking attendants wear suits, it is important to nail down the fashion feel of a new workplace as quickly as possible.

If you want to wear lose fitting dress clothes, then god bless your Talking Heads looking ass.

Just don't be the dude trying to tuck his billowy shirt into reasonably fitted pants. If you look in the mirror and realize that your fashion influences are boat sails and parachutes, slim down that cut. If you've developed a little spare tire as a result of eating your insecurities, it's okay to go with a looser shirt, just make sure you've got a place to stash that excess fabric.

We'd like to think that the men who read us are smart enough to leave their flip-flops back on the ungrad quad with their hackey-sacks and shitty acoustic covers. Just to make sure you can't say no one told you, hear us now: keep your uncovered feet well away from business meetings and power lunches. There are variations of sandals out there that attempt to masquerade as appropriate business attire. Don't fall for their tricks. If we can see your feet or your socks through any portion of your shoes, you'd best be headed for a Jimmy Buffet concert and not to the office. And also, if you are going to a Jimmy Buffer concert, it had better be because your dad wanted tickets for his birthday and through no fault of your own.

Men have it far easier than women when it comes to maintaining "appropriate workplace attire" a.k.a. avoiding people getting mad at you because you're better looking than them. While women have to worry about their cleavage, the curve of that ass, and even the way they walk, men only have one responsibility when it comes to satisfying uptight workplace censors: the bulge. When you try on a new pair of pants make sure to take a close look at the crotch area. If a casual observer can get a good glance of your hidden contours, then its time to try on another pair.

And for those who missed #bulgegate, don't feel too insecure. That's Idris Elba's mic wire.

or if the cut is so slim that it looks like an appropriate costume for a professional wrestler:

Gentlemen, your tie is not a phallic symbol. Size isn't a priority. Don't be the guy with his tie hanging down well past his belt. Restrain yourself from purchasing ties so thick that they would make a fine cravat. A good tie should pop, pulling your ensemble together. A good tie doesn't beg for attention like you did when your girl studied abroad in France.

You may not be gifted with the looks of Zach Efron, but you can at least aspire to wear a tie as well as he does.

You thought you could get away with it. You thought no one would notice. You were wrong. At some point, you are going to cross your legs in a client meeting. Eventually, your pant leg will lift just so when you walk up the stairs, and the world will know your secret.

When you're young and cash strapped, it feels like a much better investment to put your money towards Tinder dates, happy hours, and pizza than it does to invest in decent pairs of socks. Why pay $15 for a pair of cashmere blend socks when you can get enough pairs to outfit a JV basketball team for the same price at Wal-Mart? We know the financial struggle is real. No one is asking you to cop socks that cost more than your shoes, but at least get some black Nike Elite Socks. Besides, the dress shoes made of leather or suede will end up staining your white pairs.

Not all fabrics are created equal. Shirts that look the same might breathe very differently. You may love that Oxford shirt, but in the summer, you will really feel just how heavy it is. Most men will be protected by the liberal application of deodorant, but there are some among us that sadly can't be helped by any amount of RightGuard.

If you're a man prone to moistness, test drive your shirts in high heat environments before you add them to your business casual rotation. Take mental note of brands and fabrics that play well with you and do all you can to keep your sweaty secret between you and your glands.

And please don't make us warn you again.

You've seen them. At Kohl's, at Macy's, at Men's Wearhouse: you've seen them. You seen them wrapped in plastic and boxed for display, and that's where they should stay, never to be purchased. These well meaning department stores offer shirt and tie combos meant for the man who knows nothing of color coordination. If you buy a pink or green shirt and the accompanying tie has pink or green in it, it won't clash. You have to hold yourself to higher standards than this. Don't simply settle for a tie that doesn't clash, look for a tie that compliments your ensemble. Odds are that your taste is better than that of the department store powers that be.

Remember, Dwight Schrute is not your style icon.

We usually think about style in terms of what you see. We shouldn't forget that what you look like won't matter too much to those potential workplace romances if what you smell like is a problem. In the age of AXE Body Spray, many men have been conducting an all-out war on the nasal cavities of those around them. It has become desirable in some circles to smell like a cross between your grandfather at a wedding and a sailor cruising for tail on shore leave. Don't be the next in a long line of men who think that as long as their preferred fragrance is fragrant it isn't a flagrant office style foul.

"A couple spritzes," "a light splash:" these are the kinds of phrases you hear most often with regard to correct cologne application. No matter how you describe it, the point is the same: a little goes a long way. And then there's the matter of scent. A bad cologne is always worse than no cologne at all. If you have extra funds to be throwing at scented oils, make it count. If you're going to pay for cologne, pay a little more for good cologne.

Most importantly, bring someone with you who you trust when picking out a new fragrance.

Just because e you can sometimes wear whatever you want in a 21st-Century workplace doesn't mean that you should. Individual expression is an essential American freedom, but it is also one that can be restrained when you have the opportunity to impress people who give you money.

And once you bank that cash and get that 401K on lock, you can wear whatever dumb shirt you want.