When Your Dad Steals Your Birkenstocks

Not Available Lead
Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

Not Available Lead

LMAO UNIONMADE would have the most product shots ever in their history for a pair of Birkenstocks. Anyway, these have a sole that looks kinda like a red brick sole. Remember red brick soles? My dad always insists that he doesn't like Birkenstocks and that he wouldn't wear a pair if I bought him some. But if I wear a pair to my parents' house he will inevitably steal them "just to grab the mail." Next thing I know, he's mowing the fucking lawn in them. I'm not allowed to mow the lawn anymore because when we moved to our new house my dad copped a riding lawn mower and I immediately turned "mowing the lawn" into "recklessly driving the whip at the rabbit speed the whole time." I hit a stone and bent the fuck out of a blade and ever since then my dad won't let me use his riding lawn mower. That was, like, 13 years ago.

Latest in Style