Oh, you got them plaint splatted 'gielas? MO'FUCKER PLEASE. We're all about them v artistic, v orthopedic sandals now. The description of these sandals is 132 words long, which will most likely be way longer than this product post about them. I mean, the copy talks about some artist and his trip to Italy to make some Italian mural or some shit, but I stopped reading because everyone in the Complex offices just got free Shake Shack. YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO READ ACTUAL WORDS AFTER TWO BURGERS AND A CHOCOLATE SHAKE. Also, don't expect me to care about your opinions on Birkenstock sandals because, chocolate shake or no chocolate shake, your opinions are straight smash patty to me.