Fragrance commercials are the fucking best things in the universe. Do you guys remember White Diamonds? OF COURSE YOU DO. I had an inkling that I wasn’t Versace’s target demographic for their new EROS "scent", but then I saw the commercial and realized I can’t figure out who the fuck their target demo is at all. Sus gods of war? I guess the commercial makes sense in the context of how fucking horrible this new cologne must smell. I won’t describe the visuals because, I mean, you just gotta watch this shit for yourself and if you’re reading this you most likely have at least one functioning optic nerve.

Here’s a tip for all you parched motherfuckers out there: GIRLS DO NOT WANT TO SMELL EROS ANYWHERE ON OR AROUND YOUR DILLZ. More specifically, they don’t want any smell except them natural pheromones near your shit. Instead, invest in a really nice, subtle deodorant or something. BUT NO ALUMINUM IN THAT JOINT. WE GOTTA STAY HEALTHY OUT HERE, FAM.

The realest G move of all is getting a custom scent made for you. A lot of you are gonna be like, "Bish please. CdG COLOGNES ARE ALL YOU NEED." And true. But not really. Because I will stunt on your "off the rack" cologne with some small batch artisanal potion mixed specifically for me by some girl who has really nice eyelashes and it’ll be packaged in the same Erlenmeyer flask she used to mix it. So, the moral of story is: Cuff yo' chick 'cause hey, I'm not black, not that handsome, I don't sing, plus I'm not rich, but I smell delicious.