All the Things That the Kia Provo Might Be Named After

We liked Kia's sporty Provo hatchback. It has an interesting look, even if the belt line was a tad high, and the interior was glorious and simple. The real problem was the name; to some it was just odd, but to others, it was downright offensive.

So, you can make up your mind, we're going to show you all the things the Kia Provo might be named after. Alternatively, it might just be a random assortment of bullshit, like the Cee'd.

The Canadian born Admiral of the British fleet was best known for serving as an Admiral into his 90s, living to be 100 years old, and capturing the USS Chesapeake in the War of 1812.

Also, his massive beard, high collar, and military style brass double breasted jacket would be so #menswear right now.

Likelihood of Being the Inspiration: It's the 200th anniversary of Sir Wallis' capture of the Chesapeake this year, but that bit of history would severely limit U.S. sales; we don't like being told we've ever lost anything. 1 in 12.

Both played football, but Fred did it in the '20s before earning a purple heart at the battle of the bulge and Dwane did it with only three downs and in Canada. Dwane is now a school administrator and politician.

Likelihood of Being the Inspiration: Dwane is a politician, so he'll be avoided like the plague, and Fred is just way too American. If it were the Ford Provo, it might be a different story, but we're giving this 1 in 19 odds.

The USNS Provo was a Phoenix-class auxiliary of the United States Navy in the '60s. There was a lot of asbestos on board.

Likelihood of Being the Inspiration: It's a warship, and that's badass, but it gave a lot of sailors mesothelioma, and that's not badass. 1 in 13

Is Kia going Catholic on us? Saint Probus of Side was also known as Provo. Hopefully the Provo concept isn't decapitated after a "wild beast" decides not to maul it to death.

Likelihood of Being the Inspiration: Between the grisly end and the fact that South Korea is predominantly atheistic or buddhist, we're going to say 1 in 23.

The Provisional Irish Republican Army, a group responsible for many of attacks in Northern Ireland during the conflict known as "the troubles," and is often referred to as "Provo" or "the Provos." This is why the Kia Provo hasn't gone down too well with British audiences.

Likelihood of Being the Inspiration: 1 in 68,329,422, no marketing person would intentionally associate a new car with a group responsible for a number of car bombings.

Likelihood of Being the Inspiration: 1 in 3; automakers love naming cars after cities in the American west, but this would be a weird one.

The Provo Movement is what happens when one throws anarchism, dadaist art, and the Marquis de Sade all in a blender. It largely consisted of stoned Dutchmen provoking the police using hilarious, but non-violent, antics.

Likelihood of Being the Inspiration: 1 in 9. The Kia is more than a bit weird, and intentionally so.

We present the Kia Cee'd, Magentis, and 18+ as our evidence that this cat is in charge of naming new Kias.

Likelihood of Being the Inspiration: 946 to 1.