Image via Complex Original
American car shows suck, plain and simple. Go ahead, argue your case for the value of the Speed Network, but we will still posit that the British version of Top Gear is the best car show ever. Today, in celebration of American mediocrity, we offer 10 reasons why American car shows suck. Deal with it.
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10. America Thinks Attractive Girls Who Know NOTHING About Cars Are a Good Substitute for Actual Talent
The Velocity Channel is the reigning king of hiring dumb chicks with zero knowledge of cars to host their shows. Lorraine Mckiniry (pictured) might be the worst of the bunch. For those interested, she is the host of a horrific show called What's My Car Worth? Car show producers must have been watching too much ESPN, if you catch our drift...
9. America Loves Dennis Gage
Car Crazy is a marginal show at best. Host Dennis Gage seems to find a never-ending fascination in Jay Leno's car collection. We get it! He's got tens and tens of incredible rides, all of which we can watch Jay himself talk about on his website and in webisodes. Honestly, we even have a hard time getting past his grotesque handlebar mustache.
8. America Thinks Alan de Cadenet Is the World's Smartest Car Guy
We find Alain de Cadenet intensely annoying; he' s just too smug for our tastes. As luck would have it, he has somehow cornered the market on every American car show.
7. America Loves Terrible Spin-Offs
If you have seen the epically bad Count's Kustoms on the History Channel, you know what we are talking about. If you haven't, the "Count" is a guy that would randomly make cameos Pawn Stars. We wish we could pawn the Count and get some of our cable bill refunded.
6. America Thinks Having a British Narrator and Cool Graphics Are More Important Than Well-Researched Content
Tech Toys 360 sounds like an appealing show, right? Try again. Passing along misinformation is a favorite of this incredibly dumb cable program. Remember the episode when they featured a Lamborghini Diablo and called it a McLaren F1? We do. We do.
5. America Thinks Chip Foose Is God's Gift to Car Design
We get it: Chip Foose is a pretty dope car designer. But does he have to be on every frickin' show??!! Give someone else a chance, Chip.
4. America Promotes 'Staged' Reality Shows
Remember when news cameras caught a staged fight on the set of South Beach Tow? For us, it was a reaffirmation of how bad American car shows have become. We say get yourself a subscription to Netflix, watch British Top Gear, and skip the rest.
3. America Broadcasts Auctions Where Half the Cars Don't Sell
Have you noticed that Mecum Auto Auctions seems to be full of cars that don't meet their reserve? Additionally, is it us or are Dana and Frank Mecum the sleaziest duo on the planet? What a buzz kill...
2. America Shamelessly Copied the Brits
If you have seen Top Gear America on the history channel, you know exactly what we are talking about. The show is a pathetic (and horribly scripted) imitation of the world's greatest car show. Shame on American cable producers for not coming up with something original.
1. America Thinks Old, Boring Hosts Are the Shit
Watching an old dude fart around in expensive cars is the worst. There is nothing relatable (or interesting) about a guy who constantly talks about how cars "used to be cool." Give us a fresh perspective, dammit.
