The Brothel World Cup: Which of Your Favorite Footballers Might Score Come Game Day?

Sex at the World Cup has been a fun topic for national team managers to get worked up about for the sake of a sound bite. Here's the count so far: the Mexican team is banned from having sex, the United States are allowed to partake in intercourse, and Brazilian players are only allowed to have "normal" sex. It's a strange topic to discuss publicly, but a fair one—a bunch of 20-something year old millionaires will probably want to get laid if they're spending a month in Brazil. Over the past decade, some of the stars of this year's World Cup have been caught up in wild sex scandals involving grandmothers, orgies with teammates, and underaged prostitutes.

Featuring the sexual adventures of names like Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo, we present The Brothel World Cup: Which of Your Favorite Footballers Might Score Come Game Day?

Year: 2004, 2010
Footballer(s) involved: Wayne Rooney
Nationality: English

Wayne Rooney is the Crown Prince of Sex Scandals. It's been a few years now since he's made the backpages, but for a solid 6-7 year period, Rooney was the consistent target of scandal after scandal. His hooker game would've made Tiger Woods jealous. It all began in 2004, when an 18-year-old Rooney cheated on his then-fiancee for a £45 brothel grandmother. In 2010, Rooney's taste expanded along with the size of his paycheck, allegedly having an affair with a £1,000 a night escort named Jennifer Thompson.

Other Rooney mistresses have crept out into the tabloids over the years to score some fame, but the grandmother and Thompson incidents are Rooney's biggest slip-ups.

Year: 2005
Footballer(s) involved: Robin van Persie
Nationality: Dutch

In 2014, Robin van Persie is the best Dutch footballer on the planet, and the star of a title-winning Manchester United team. So far, it's been a tidy career for RVP. In 2005, however, he was a 21-year-old Arsenal starlet being accused of rape. While in Rotterdam for a weekend in June 2005, Van Persie was arrested on suspicion of rape. His lawyer confirmed that Van Persie did spend the night in a hotel with the alleged victim, but refused to confirm or deny whether they had any type of sex.

The case was later dismissed by the Rotterdam prosecution after they concluded that while Van Persie did have sex that night, no force or violence was used. Van Persie has since avoided the sex scandal limelight.

Year: 2007
Footballer(s) involved: Cristiano Ronaldo, Nani
Nationality: Portuguese

Trust in one's teammates is so important in sports, especially in a passing game like soccer. Togetherness and belief in your teammate's abilities is essential to operating as a cohesive unit. Sometimes though, the strongest ties that can help a team win are forged off the pitch. Cristiano Ronaldo and a few Manchestser United teammates certainly seemed to think that after a victory over Tottenham in 2007. He called up five hookers to engage in an orgy featuring himself, Nani, and Anderson. Ronaldo and Nani will likely start together for Portugal at the World Cup, carrying forth that bond from 2007.

Year: 2010
Footballer(s) involved: Cristiano Ronaldo
Nationality: Portuguese

A tell-all compilation book sourced from every woman who's ever slept with Cristiano Ronaldo would likely be longer than every Game of Thrones book combined, and then some. Model Jasmine Lennard wrote an article in The Mirror about her entire time with Ronaldo, claiming that she "used him as a toy." *cues the soundtrack*

Year: 2010
Footballer(s) involved: Jack Wilshere
Nationality: English

There's a Kanye lyric that Jack Wilshere could learn from: "And I'll never let him ever hit a strip club/I learned the hard way, that ain't the place to get love." In 2010, Wilshere allegedly tried to find some from a lap dancer. The Sun alleged that he courted the dancer after meeting her at a club, wooing her to the Arsenal team hotel afterwards. The story further claims that Wilshere snuck up in the girl's grandmother's house to quench his thirst on one occasion. His main chick found out soon enough though, and Wilshere axed the affair.

Year: 2012
Footballer(s) involved: Mario Balotelli
Nationality: Italian

Sleeping with the same prostitute who bagged Wayne Rooney could be an indication of the amount of fucks you don't give, or it could be a sign of your Rooney-levels of wealth. Either way, Mario Balotelli was cheating on Raffaella Fico with Jennifer Thompson back in 2012. It was a messy situation, but Balotelli let the good vibes of The Truth wash over him once the story came out: "Now that this weight has been lifted, I am certain that I will find the positive energy to make the best run for the title with Manchester City, and prepare in the best way for the European Championship."

Year: 2012
Footballer(s) involved: Kolo Toure
Nationality: Ivorian

Only in Europe could an Ivorian Premier League star lead a double life as a used car salesman to secure a side-chick. In 2012, it was alleged that Toure convinced a 22-year-old that he was a Ghanian car salesman named "Francois" who was studying in England. This lasted for two years before one of the girl's friends recognized Toure (who never let himself be photographed with her and hid his identity through a clever disguise of sunglasses and a hat), and exposed him as, well, Kolo Toure, married man and father of two.

Year: 2014
Footballer(s) involved: Samuel Eto'o
Nationality: Cameroonian

Every ex has a few skeletons to expose. Days after Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho quipped that Samuel Eto'o may be older than what his passport says, Eto'o's ex-lover hopped on Mourinho's statement, claiming that he's actually 39 years old, not 32. Anna Barranca, who is the mother of Eto'o's child, said that he was born in 1974, and was able to do some simple math for us: "that makes him 39 now." That would mean that Eto'o finished this past Premiership season as a 40-year-old man, making his nine-goal EPL haul a pretty damned good mark for middle age.

Year: 2014
Footballer(s) involved: Karim Benzema, Franck Ribery
Nationality: French

The French are just too wild man. Both Karim Benzema and Franck Ribery (who will not be traveling to Brazil due to injury) stood trial in January for soliciting an underaged prostitute. It was alleged that Benzema and Ribery paid a woman named Zahia Dehar for sex when she was 16 years old. Prostitution is legal in France so long as all parties involved are over 18. Benzema and Ribery maintained that they didn't know her age when the encounters happened, and when the case made it to trial, Dehar asked for it to be dismissed. Benzema and Ribery got off the hook, ducking a potential three-year jail sentence.

Year: 2014
Footballer(s) involved: Oliver Giroud
Nationality: French

Oliver Giroud had a rough two weeks last February. The Sun accused him of bringing model Celia Kay to the team hotel (apparently, the Arsenal hotel is open season) the night before a match against Crystal Palace, publishing a "revealing" photo of him taken by Kay in his hotel room. Caught red-handed, Giroud apologized for the incident on Twitter.

Shortly after that, The Sun nailed him again, this time through a 20-year-old model who leaked messages between the two. She claimed that Giroud begged her to have a threesome with an Arsenal teammate on the night before a match against Manchester City. It seems like the guy just likes relieving any match day performance anxiety through a quickie, kind of like how Johnny Drama from Entourage likes to calm himself down by rubbing one out.