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The 2014 World Cup in Brazil kicks-off in 188 days. That's like two-thirds of a pregnancy. Plenty of pre-World Cup banter and excitement will consume all of mankind within the coming months, and today was a big first step for the tournament: the groups were announced, which is basically the equivalent of feeling the baby kick for the first time. How proud FIFA President Sepp Blatter must feel. Now that the groups have been organized, let's take a look at who the major players are in each group, and which unfortunate countries have been drawn into the Group of Death (spoiler: USA is in it) in Predicting the 2014 World Cup Immediately After the World Cup Draw.
Note: Groups have been ordered from easiest to hardest.
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8. Group F
Teams: Argentina, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Iran, Nigeria
Group winners: Argentina and Nigeria
Does Lionel Messi even need to play during the group stages? Argentina are the clear group winners here in the most clear-cut, bet-on-it, take-it-to-the-bank prediction of this 2014 World Cup. With Gonzalo Higuaín, Sergio Agüero, Ezequiel Lavezzi—need we go on? Argentina is loaded and on South American soil, which doesn't bode well for Bosnia-Herzegovina, Iran, and Nigeria. The Super Eagles have had their fair share of problems, and went winless at the last World Cup, but the starpower of Victor Moses, John Obi Mikel, and Emmanuel Emenike should be enough to advance. Watch out for Iran though: one of these years, a Middle Eastern team is going to surprise the world.
7. Group A
Teams: Brazil, Croatia, Mexico, Cameroon
Group winners: Brazil and Mexico
Mexico, who barely got into the World Cup (barely might be an understatement here) have been handed yet another lifeline. Cameroon and Croatia should be fresh red meat in a Tigers cage for Mexico and Brazil, who'll enjoy watching Javier Hernández and Neymar become early Golden Boot favorites thanks to this weak group.
6. Group E
Teams: Swizterland, Ecuador, France, Honduras
Group winners: France and Honduras
Consider this the group of "None of Us Are Winning Anything." France, as a previously unseeded European entry, is the immediate favorite to win Group E, but this is a team that needed a miracle against Ukraine in a playoff to get in, and essentially quit during the middle of the 2010 World Cup. They have enough talent to make a deep run (Oliver Giroud, Franck Ribery, Samir Nasri, and Loïc Remy are all turning in career years in 2013), and certainly enough to win Group E outright, dysfunction will get the best of Les Bleus further into the tournament.
5. Group B
Teams: Spain, Netherlands, Chile, Australia
Group winners: Spain and Netherlands
Aside from a sexy, and potentially combative Spain-Netherlands 2010 World Cup Finals rematch in this group, there isn't much to get excited about. Tim Cahill will try to score 14 headers for Australia while Matías Fernández and Alexis Sánchez will have no fun watching Spain hold 80% possession against their Chilean side. This Netherlands team is one in transition, however, so don't be surprised to see them lay another egg a la Euro 2012.
4. Group H
Teams: Belgium, Algeria, Russia, Korea Republic
Group winners: Belgium and Russia
Every Borussia Dortmund fan you know is probably also somehow 1/2 Belgium. Right now, Belgium are the apple of every soccer hipster's eye. Enough with the dark horse talk surrounding the team—they can't be dark horses if every pundit with a platform is annointing them as a dark horse. On the backs of young stars like Christian Benteke, Romelu Lukaku, Eden Hazrad, Simon Mignolet, and a loaded centreback stable, Belgium is primed to explode out of Group H, although this young team might also be ripe to be the biggest disappointment of the tournament. Also, watch for the Korea Republic to give Fabio Capello's Russia trouble in what should be one of the more entertaining overall groups to follow.
3. Group C
Teams: Colombia, Côte d'Ivoire, Greece, Japan
Group winners: Colombia and Côte d'Ivoire
Colombia is the South American version of Belgium, minus the widely panned "dark horse" label. Similar to Diego Forlan for Uruguay in 2010, Radamel Falcao (arguably the best #9 in the world) could be the star striker who carries Colombia team deep into the knock-out stages. As for Group C, the Colombians and the Ivory Coast should advance, but a traditionally tough Greek defense and an always disciplined Japan squad could be spoilers here.
2. Group D
Teams: Uruguay, Costa Rica, England, Italy
Group winners: Uruguay and Italy
RIP England. Mario Balotelli and Luis Suarez will win against Her Majesty's country, again. If there are two players who are motivated to really stick it to the English in this tournament, it's those two.
1. Group G
Teams: Germany, Portugal, Ghana, USA
Group winners: Germany and Portugal
OH MY GOD THE USA GOT SCREWED. Ghana continues to troll/haunt/hate/not let Americans live freely. Germany and Portugal are amongst the favorites to win the World Cup, but they certainly have their work cut out for them here. Out of every international soccer power, those two countries have had their fair share of choke-jobs over the years. If there were any two superpowers for the U.S. to be matched up against in a Group of Death, Germany and Portugal would be the most ideal (that sentence may not look right, but it's true). Anything can go down in Group G, but at this stage, it'd be foolish to not expect Germany and Portugal to go through.