Sports can do a lot of things. They can make us jump for joy; they can make us cry like little babies (well, some of us). They make us forget the crappy parts of life for a few hours. They make us feel good about our hometowns and our colleges (and conversely, make us hate rival towns and colleges). And they can make us really, really frickin' annoyed sometimes. Like that inane dancing robot on the Fox NFL Sunday telecasts. Like the designated hitter, and the last minute of a close college basketball game. Or like the people on this list.
From the cry babies to the blowhards to the pretty boys to the meddlers, these are the 50 Most Annoying People in Sports Today. We're pretty sure you won't agree with all of our choices, but we guarantee at least a few will resonate in that fingernails-on-the-chalkboard sort of way. Read on, annoyance awaits!
50. Jay Cutler
Profession: Quarterback, Chicago Bears
The reality TV star girlfriend, the douchey attitude, the complete lack of heart—Jay Cutler is the quintessential annoying athlete. Seriously: if you're a Bears fan and you don't get pissed off every time you shell out 100 bones for a seat at a home game just to see this schmuck get a little bit richer off it, then you probably don't deserve to wear Mike Ditka's name across your back. Oh, and don't even get us started on how annoying it is to have this guy on your fantasy football team...Ugh!
49. Dan Gilbert
Profession: Owner, Cleveland Cavaliers
48. Lane Kiffin
Profession: Head Coach, USC Football
The only good thing about having this guy as your coach? If a better job happens to come along next year, he won't be your coach anymore! We don't doubt that the guy is good with X's and O's—and we've got nothing but love for his legendary pops Monte Kiffin—but has there been a guy at any level of football who's ruffled more feathers than Kiffin this early in his career? *cues Lil Wayne rapping, "Smoke weed, talk shit like Lane Kiffin"*
47. Manu Ginobili
Profession: Guard, San Antonio Spurs
When Ginobili's playing days are over, we wouldn't be surprised to see Spielberg and Scorcese banging down his door. This guy has been a blockbuster actor for years now—annoying the hell out of us with his cringeworthy flops since 1999.
46. Tony Romo
Profession: Quarterback, Dallas Cowboys
Admittedly, the Cowboys QB 1 (that's how they refer to all quarterbacks in Texas, right? Word to Friday Night Lights!) has gotten better over time. If we'd made this list just a year or two ago, he'd probably be right near the top of it. But we still see waaaaaaay too many photos of Romo golfing, "canoodling" with his girl, and generally doing just about everything except leading the 'Boys to the Super Bowl. Hey, Tony: Win something—anything!—and we'll leave you off of lists like this forever.
45. Jose Canseco
Profession: Former MLB Outfielder
He hasn't played in a game since 2000-and-motherfucking-1 but he'll still do just about anything for a sports headline. From writing books about steroids to making appearances on The Howard Stern Show to booking celebrity boxing matches (and then sending his brother to pose as him), Canseco is like a head cold that just will...not...go...away. Enough is enough, dude. We're officially allergic to your annoying behavior.
44. Mark Jackson
Profession: Head Coach, Golden State Warriors
Mama, there goes that man! Jackson has done his final NBA broadcast for ESPN or ABC—at least for the time being—and we can only imagine it's because the owner of the Golden State Warriors couldn't stand the lame expressions he used ("HAND DOWN, MAN DOWN!") during live telecasts. We wish you all the luck with the Warriors, Mark—if only because it'll mean we won't have to hear any more of your homespun "wisdom" for a looooong time.
43. Lance Armstrong
Profession: Former Cyclist
Did this guy take steroids...or not? If he did (and from what some of his former teammates have said recently, he did!) he needs to come out and say it. It'll be painful for awhile, but we're sure the world will get over it. If he didn't, we need some sort of definitive proof so that we can put the issue to bed once and for all. Otherwise, we're bound to spend the next 50 years wondering whether these damn bracelets are still cool or not. Someone please save us.
42. Tim Tebow
Profession: Quarterback, Denver Broncos
Who doesn't love a gung-ho, Bible-thumping, crying on the sidelines, getting drafted waaaaaaay too high for a guy that throws like that quarterback? Uh, pretty much everyone we know. We can't possibly understand why our girlfriends would want to wear his jersey every Sunday...and Monday...and Tuesday...and, oh you get the point! F U, Tebow!
41. Cris Collinsworth
Profession: NBC Commentator
Yeah, CC is actually an Emmy Award winner. So it's clear he's got some fans out there. But there's just something about the smug comments he makes at times that drives us up the wall. He's not the worst sportscaster in the biz (we've saved those for later!) but let's just say we didn't play too many games of Madden NFL 11 last year with the volume on.
40. Craig Sager
Profession: TNT Sideline Reporter
The multicolored suits and pocket squares used to be quirky and they used to get players to let their guard down a bit when they talked to TNT's sideline reporter. But now that everyone's pretty much used to his hideous threads (a brown double-breasted suit with pink polka dots!? You don't say!) they've become a distraction. Yo, Craig: There's no way Dwight is telling you where he's gonna play in 2012, especially when you're dressed like that.
39. Manny Ramirez
Profession: Former MLB Outfielder
Aside from the fact that he up and left the game of baseball after being accused of juicing earlier this year, Manny's been irritating the hell out of opposing teams—as well as his own team!—for years now. Even though he'll ultimately be remembered as a great player, he rubbed pretty much every baseball fan in the world the wrong way at one time or another by looking like he was playing baseball in his own universe thanks to his "Manny being Manny" schtick. Which is to say: "Manny being annoying."
38. Peyton Manning
Profession: Quarterback, Indianapolis Colts
One, we could do without the 5,264,728 commercials featuring Peyton that we're forced to sit through every time football season rolls around. And, two: Dude, can you please just call a play—and stick with it!? Between the two, we've lost roughly eight weeks off of our lives...since 2008.
37. Rex Ryan
Profession: Head Coach, New York Jets
You know what Rex Ryan's problem is? He doesn't know when to STFU. That's great if you're a Jets fan or an HBO executive or a blogger. But it's not so great if you're interested in watching ESPN from September through January and want to hear about anything except Rexy's latest bold (see: "never gonna happen, not in a million years") prediction. This guy needs to learn the meaning of the word "humble."
36. Jerry Jones
Profession: Owner, Dallas Cowboys
They say everything is bigger in Texas. So it's no surprise that Jerry Jones' ego is huge. We're talking bigger-than-that-monstrosity-he-built-down-there-in-the-D huge (II). And when you consider the fact that the Cowboys haven't won a 'chip in—carry the one, add the nine—sixteen years (!), there's really no reason for it.
35. Hank Steinbrenner
Profession: Senior VP of the New York Yankees
Like father, like son? We'll admit that Hank isn't nearly as intrusive in the day-to-day operations of the Yankees as his dad George was. He's also not nearly as entertaining and probably twice as boorish (is that even possible?). Even non-Yankee fans just wish he would learn to stop running his mouth every now and then and stop trying to run the team the same way his dad did. Love him or hate him, your pops was a one of one, ya dig, Hankster?
34. Tony Stewart
Profession: NASCAR Drvier
Tony Stewart looks like he ate the guy who was supposed to be driving the No. 14 car. And you say NASCAR is supposed to be a sport!? Throw in the fact that dude just looks like a straight-up dick out there on the track arguing and does little to get us to actually like NASCAR, and it's no wonder we couldn't give two, well, you-know-whats about a group of guys driving around in circles all afternoon.
33. Merrill Hoge
Profession: ESPN Football Analyst
Kudos to Merrill for coining the phrase "Factor Back." Nice job of branding yourself. But here's what one of his typical NFL Live broadcasts sounds like now: "Arian Foster blah blah blah FACTOR BACK and Brandon Jacobs blah blah blah FACTOR BACK and Ricky Williams FACTOR BACK LeSean McCoy FACTOR BACK Frank Gore FACTOR BACK...Hey, did you hear me?!?! FACTOR BAAAAAAAACK!!!" Ayo, Merrill: We ride for "Tupac Back," "Big Pun Back," and even "Reebok Back." But, "Factor Back"? Ehhhhh!
32. Al Davis
Profession: Owner, Oakland Raiders
Al Davis has single-handedly run one of the most storied franchises in NFL history straight into the ground. Which, judging by the decrepit look that he sports these days, might actually be part of his plan for the afterlife. Now: Can anyone out there run the 40 in 4.3 seconds? Mr. Davis has 58 gazillion dollars he'd like to give you.
31. Scott Boras
Profession: Baseball Sports Agent
What has two thumbs and is one of the reasons that Major League Baseball will never have a true competitive balance? Thiiiiiiiiis guy!
30. Roger Goodell
Profession: NFL Commisioner
If the NFL misses a single game this year, you can fully expect us to repost this list, throw out the 49 other people listed here, and give Goodell spots 1 through 50. Because that's exactly how annoyed with the NFL lockout that we'll be at that point.
29. Tom Brady
Profession: Quarterback, New England Patriots
We could handle Brady going all Hollywood on us and turning one of Tinsel Town's starlets into his baby mama. We could handle him wifing up Giselle. We could even handle that strange advertisement featuring him holding a goat (WTF?). But, that hair—and everything that comes along with it!? Um, no. Just no.
28. Colin Cowherd
Profession: ESPN Radio Host
All you need to know is that someone once hacked the ESPN sports radio guy's Wikipedia page and made it read: "Colin Cowherd is an American sports radio personality. He is known for being the first man born in Washington, D.C. with two vaginas." LOLz. We've gotta agree with the homies over at Deadspin. Dude can be a little...er, okay, really, really annoying at times.
27. Randy Moss
Profession: Wide Receiver, Tennessee Titans
He's a tremendous player when he wants to be. But, is there anything more annoying than a guy who gets paid millions of dollars and then basically refuses to play hard on the field? Especially when he's on your fantasy team! Damn you, Randy!
26. Cristiano Ronaldo
Profession: Right winger/Striker, Real Madrid
We could tell you how annoying it is to watch Ronaldo flop all game long. Or how annoying it is to watch him bitch and moan to draw a yellow card. Or how annoying it is to watch him destroy a clean game of soccer. Orrrrrrr, we could just ask one of Europe's top officials. "[Ronaldo] is the most annoying," Denmark ref Claus Bo Larsen told the New York Times late last year. "He is always out to get a cheap free kick, especially at home. We talk in the locker room before the game that he goes down easily." Um, pause. But we think you made your point.
25. Terrell Owens
Profession: Wide Receiver, Cincinnati Bengals
Season 3 of The T.O. Show just got picked up by VH1. Great. This guy is going to keep annoying the shit out of us looooooooooong after he's finished playing football, isn't he?
24. Chris Berman
Profession: ESPN Anchor
We'll give CB credit where credit is due—he's been with ESPN for more than 30 years now and has pretty much been there since the beginning. But, holy shit: How many times is this guy going to use the same recycled ad-libs during his highlights before someone tells him it's not 1979 anymore!?
23. David Beckham
Profession: Midfielder, Los Angeles Galaxy
Some athletes take themselves a little bit too seriously. Becks is one of those guys. Back in March, he got a tatt of Jesus being carried by three cherubs done on his chest. His explanation for it: "Obviously, the cherubs are boys, so it's kind of, my thought of it is, at some point, my boys are going to need to look after me and that's what they're doing in the picture." Good to see all that cash the Galaxy gave you hasn't gone to your head!
22. Bill Belichick
Profession: Head Coach, New England Patriots
We've heard this guy is actually pretty funny behind closed doors. The problem, of course, is that we're not behind closed doors with him so we have no fuckin' clue if he's as dull and annoying as he seems or not. All we know is that his press conferences look like funerals. Fun!
21. Reggie Miller
Profession: TNT Analyst/Commentator
Know what you'll learn when Reggie Miller commentates an NBA game that you're watching? You'll learn that he's annoying as hell. From his cheesy jokes to his voice to his non-stop talking, you need at least a dozen Miller Lites to make it through Miller Time.
20. Sean Avery
Profession: Left winger, New York Rangers
Props are in order for Avery, who has been putting in time in Albany this offseason to lobby for the right for same-sex marriages. But now that we've got this out of the way, let us say this: This guy is the most annoying player in the NHL. Most hockey players don't get to us (they're hockey players, after all!), but between Avery's terrible flops and his cheap tricks (see: the "Avery Rule"), we'd rather get run over by a Zamboni some nights than watch this guy play. SMH.
19. David Stern
Profession: Commissioner, NBA
This is the kind of guy that kicks puppies (and likes it), and then tells you in that oh-so-condescending, smug voice how it's just oh-so-perfectly reasonable to him to kick puppies (and like it). Also, that the puppies should be grateful that anyone wants to kick them at all, and no one could possibly kick them better than he can.
18. Floyd Mayweather, Jr.
Will this guy just fight Manny Pacquaio already!? Stop putting in $50,000 bets in Vegas. Stop kicking it with 50 Cent. And stop making weird YouTube videos professing your love for Justin Bieber. JUST. FIGHT. PACQUIAO. Please?
17. Mark Cuban
Profession: Owner, Dallas Mavericks
As Cubes said on The Late Show with David Letterman last month after the Mavs won the title: "If you thought I was cocky and obnoxious before—get ready!" Oh god. The Heat have created a monster!
16. The Cameron Crazies
The only thing we hate more than a Duke player is a Duke supporter. And no one supports the Dukies like the Cameron Crazies who—with all due respect to fans in Philly, Boston, Chicago, and Vancouver—are easily the most annoying fans on the planet.
15. Stuart Scott
Profession: ESPN Anchor
When Scott used to read SportsCenter highlights ten years ago, he was as cool as the other side of the pillow (see what we just did right there?). These days, he's a 45-year-old sportscaster still trying to sling slang on national TV. It might finally be time to act your age, dude.
14. Tito Ortiz
Profession: UFC Fighter
Isn't this guy supposed to be one of the greatest UFC fighters of all-time? Then why is he taking dick pics on his cell phone, beefing with his ex-wife Jenna Jameson every other day on Twitter, and catching domestic violence cases? Get your shit together, son.
13. Drew Rosenhaus
Profession: Football Sports Agent
Rosenhaus represents more than 100 NFL players, so we don't doubt that he's really good at what he does. But how come every time an athlete is in the middle of a shit storm—like Terrell Pryor was a week or so ago—Rosenhaus is sitting nearby capitalizing off of it? If you didn't think agents were blood-sucking leeches before Rosenhaus came around, you certainly do now.
12. Kim Kardashian
Profession: Reality TV Star
We love to look at photos of Kim Kardashian. Leaving the club? Cool. Leaving the gym? Sure. Getting out of her limo? Snap away! But if we have to look at even one more photo of her and her fiancee Kris Humphries, we're officially making Khloe our new Kardashian. And that's a promise.
11. Mercury Morris
Profession: Former NFL Running back
We get it. The 1972 Dolphins are the only team in NFL history to go undefeated over the course of an entire season and throughout the playoffs. Good for you! Now stop throwing a party every year to celebrate it.
10. Geno Auriemma
Profession: Head Coach, UConn Women's Basketball
There's no denying Auriemma is a G. He's transformed the women's program at UConn, produced a handful of All-Americans, and changed the culture surrounding the sport. Unfortunately, if you take one look at him, he looks like the type of guy who he knows that he's done all that and thinks you should be impressed by it. And something about that just rubs us the wrong way (II). #TeamSummit
9. Skip Bayless
Profession: ESPN Analyst
Whatever you think about a sport, an athlete, a game, a play, or a legacy, there's a pretty good chance that Skip Bayless thinks the exact opposite. And he's gonna tell you exactly why you're wrong. And if you try and tell him that he's wrong because he never actually played a pro sport like most of his fellow analysts? Well, he'll just push his agenda even harder. Forget most annoying people in sports—at times, Skip might just be the most annoying person on the planet.
8. Chad Ochocinco
Profession: Wide Receiver, Cincinnati Bengals
Once upon a time, Ocho's quirky behavior was actually pretty endearing. He was a potential superstar stuck in the barren wasteland of Cincinnati looking for attention, so he turned to pulling off ridiculous stunts, on and off the field, to get it. Now he's got all the attention in the world—but he's still pulling the same cheesy stunts and doing just about everything except playing football. We give him props for being one of the few NFL players to remain relevant in the face of a lockout, but do you really think your schtick is going to last forever, Chad? Child please!
7. Jim Rome
Profession: Talk Show Host
Unlike most of the other sportscasters and analysts on this list, Rome has no problem calling athletes out on his show, Rome is Burning. Of course, the problem is that that's pretty much all he does all show long, which is great if you're a pissy, pessimistic person who enjoys shitting on athletes all day long. But it's not so great—and actually pretty annoying—if you actually, ya know, enjoy sports. Go figure.
6. Albert Haynesworth
Profession: Defensive Tackle, Washington Redskins
If you paid us $100 million over the next seven years to play football, we'd spend the next 2555 days letting Ray Lewis and James Harrison tackle us from the blind side without wearing any pads or a helmet. So you can imagine how we feel when we see that for the same price, the Redskins can't even get Haynesworth to step onto the field. Do you know how much that annoys people, man?
5. Joe Buck
In the past, Buck has said that he doesn't enjoy baseball like he used to. He's said that games are too long for him. And he's said that he'd rather watch The Bachelorette during the week than watch sports. This all coming from a guy who....gets paid to watch football and baseball games and talk about them! Ayo, FOX: Why don't you do this guy a favor and let him sit and home and watch reality TV from now on?
4. LeBron James
Profession: Forward, Miami Heat
The Decision, his decision-making in the fourth quarter, his receding hairline, his fingernail-biting habit, his pregame chalk routine, his ridiculous nicknames, his arrogant tattoos...If you guessed "Things that annoy us about LeBron James," you are cooooooorrect! And you win. Which is more than we can say about Bron-Bron this year.
3. Brett Favre
Profession: Former NFL Quarterback
The only good thing about the NFL lockout this year: We haven't had to hear a peep out of Brett the Jet. Let's hope he keeps it that way.
2. Alex Rodriguez
Profession: Third Baseman, New York Yankees
Unless you're a Yankee fan, one of his two kids, or Cameron Diaz, there's a pretty good chance that you think A-Rod is annoying and/or a complete douche. No worries. We're pretty sure he actually like things that way.
1. Dick Vitale
Profession: NCAA Basketball commentator
Are we cheating by handing Dickie V the "Most Annoying Person In Sports" trophy for the 32nd straight year? Of course we are. But, c'mon: This guy has literally made his living off being the most annoying guy in the world of sports. He screams, he yells, he comes up with ridiculous catch phrases like, "He's a diaper dandy!" And it all drives us nuts! But somehow, he's managed to parlay it into a successful career that's featured him calling college basketball games for the last 32 years. And that's just annoyingly amazing.