Ranking the Best Beards in NBA History

Image via Complex Original

The best thing about Vlade Divac's beard was how it never looked like he really meant to have a beard. He just looks like a guy who woke up one morning, saw that he needed to shave, brushed it off, and went out into the world with his five o'clock shadow in full effect. And honestly, who can't relate to that feeling? Vlade Divac's beard was the everyman of NBA facial hair. 

The word across the league is that Zydrunas Ilgauskas will be attempting a comeback with the Cleveland Cavaliers as he seeks to reunite with his old team and his old teammate, LeBron James. There are plenty of questions we can ask about how feasible this attempt is for Ilgauskas. Can he play at a consistent level at 39 years old? How much rust has he accumulated after three years away from the league? Is he truly worth a roster spot for the Cavaliers? However, one question looms over all: Is the beard coming with him? 

Remember that awful beard Drew Gooden once had? Yeah, the one that looked like Coolio having a bad hair day. Well, thankfully, cooler heads prevailed for Gooden, and he eventually decided to roll with something more conventional throughout his career.

The look you see here is vaguely Amish; if Gooden was wearing a Stetson, we'd probably feel inclined to call him something like Jebediah or Zed. Come to think of it, "Jebediah Gooden" actually has a pretty nice ring to it. Or even "Jeb Gooden". Yeah, we're definitely on to something here. Does anyone have the number for Gooden's publicist?

Wait, sorry. What we were talking about again? Oh, right, right. His beard. Yeah, good look, man. Solid form.

Minnesota Timberwolves forward Nikola Pekovic is the type of guy who must have a beard. It's a necessity. He has the look a cold-blooded killer with that facial hair. We don't want to stereotype Eastern Europeans, but there is undoubtedly something way more intimidating about a man named "Nikola Pekovic" having a beard than someone named "Dan Smith" having a beard. These are just the facts. Blame Ivan Drago (who, if he had a beard, would've defeated both Rocky and democracy).

Oh, and it also doesn't hurt that he has a picture of a knight standing atop a pile of skulls tattooed across his shoulder. Yeah, that definitely helps with the whole intimidation angle.  

For awhile, Reggie Evans had one of the best beards in the league. It was a full, intimidating presence on his face, adding another layer of grit to his workmanlike attitude as a player. Then, he had to go and shave it off last season. Since then, nothing has been the same. We don't know what to believe anymore. Apparently, the Brooklyn Nets were similarly disillusioned, as they traded Evans away to the Sacramento Kings along with Jason Terry in exchange for Marcus Thornton. We just want to say that we're here for you, Brooklyn. We understand your pain. 

Dirk Nowitzki's scraggly mane is effective only because it makes him look more primal and intimidating. He's giving off some serious werewolf-slash-Brett Keisel vibes, which, by the way, are more or less the same thing. The lesson here: Never cross a big German with a jungle of facial hair. You will regret it.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar shows everyone how it's done by keeping a clean line along the cheeks and making sure that nothing gets too unruly or out of hand. For real, though, his strongest-ever look came when he rocked the "billy goat" for a brief spell. What do we have to do for him to dust off that style again?

Winters in Minnesota are cold. Like, unbearably, horribly cold. If you're not from the area, or a place of similar latitude, it's hard to comprehend how much snow and ice and general misery befall you when November rolls around. Honestly, beyond the fact that the T-Wolves couldn't make it to the playoffs, the weather is reason enough for Love to jump ship to Cleveland like he did. When he was with Minnesota though, Love was in serious need of facial hair. Anything but a thick, wooly beard in the Land of 10,000 Lakes is asking for facial frostbite.

According to Michael Jordan, former Milwaukee Bucks shooter Brian Winters had one of the purest strokes of all time in the NBA. His beard was deserving of similar praise. The former Laker who was traded away to Milwaukee for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar would never earn a suitable return on investment for the Bucks, but he can at least say that he had a better beard than Kareem in our book. 

There were many seasons to Baron Davis' career in the NBA, specifically his time as the young, All-Star Baron Davis, and then later on when he was the overweight, player-turned-bench-coach Baron Davis. Wherever he was at in his career, though, Davis stuck with a solid beard. And this was a full beard from his mustache to his sideburns. It was all-encompassing. Davis' game may have been inconsistent, but his facial hair was always on-point.

This is a beard that you're going to either love or hate. It's actually tempting to call it a soul patch which, for the record, is a hairstyle that should be taken behind a barn and shot. Still, even though Scot Pollard resembles something between Blackbeard and a washed-up hippie with this style, you have to give him some credit for taking the leap with something like this. A) You have to be incredibly secure with your appearance to take on a look such as this, and B) You have to give not one single fuck about what people will think. Those two points may sound similar, but there's a subtle yet crucial difference. Being secure with your appearance means that, as a man, you're okay with, say, wearing pink. Not giving a fuck about what people think means that you'd proudly walk around in nothing but pink underwear. That is who Scot Pollard is in this photo.

Like a fine wine, Bill Russell's beard has only gotten better with age. What was once a simple goatee has now become a white fog spreading across his neck, head, and cheeks, looking as though he just exited a snowstorm. Someone needs to make a line of hair products called "Touch of White" and hire Bill Russell as their spokesperson. There are millions of dollars to be made here. 

This picture really speaks for itself. Walt “Clyde” Frazier is in a get-up resembling the same alphet Antonio Banderas put on for The Mask of Zorro. It's powerful stuff, to be sure. But don't be too distracted by that fire cape. Take a look at Clyde's well-manicured beard and take notes. The subtle-yet-significant boundary between the mustache and the actual beard, the connection from hair to sideburn to chin strap, the dash of grey: it's all there. The dude's style remains timeless. 

If you can get on Wilt the Stilt's level of facial flames, then maybe you too can meet and bed over 20,000 women. We wouldn't place any bets on it though because, if we're speaking frankly, Chamberlain's star status and ability to score 100 points in a game probably had a lot more to do with his sexual prowess than any affect his beard may have had. Plus, you'll probably look more like Guy Fieri than Goliath if you really try and pull off a goatee. But, hey, all power to you.

Mike Gminski's beard gets a serious lift from the mullet he's sporting. By itself, the beard is nothing to write home about. It's a little scraggly, somewhat thin. But when you see the mullet peeking out of the back, you suddenly earn a new-found respect for Gminski.

Then, you see this picture of Gminksi in his later days as a basketball analyst for CBS. He's wearing a hoop earring with an outfit that asks for every single accessory besides a hoop earring. At that point, no mullet can save him. 

Birdman's beard is just one of the many, many reasons you do not choose to fuck with him. He looks like an extra from the cast of Sons of Anarchy with this thing. And rest assured, even when he's unshaven, the man is just as intimidating. It's hard to choose which iteration of Birdman you'd rather fight: the one who has a tangle of steel wool attached to his face, or the one who stares back at you with a neck that is literally filled with tattoos. Pick your poison.

It was when Phil Jackson ascended to the throne of the Eternal Sun Goddess, Ra, and reached into the deepest recesses of his chakra to achieve ultimate nirvana that he was blessed with this beard, known colloquially among The Community of the Enlightened as “The Breath of the Dragon Who Spits Lion's Hair In Place Of Fire”. Namaste, Brother Phil. Namaste.

Here we see Bill Walton in his earlier days as a player in the NBA. His beard treads into “neard” territory, which is never a strong look. But let's be honest: Walton was probably coming to this game fresh from a Grateful Dead concert, still tripping from the night before. He was likely more worried about the beard eating his face off than proper grooming etiquette.

Fun fact: Mike Woodson's beard is a black hole that was sent to New York to devour any hope of the Knicks winning the NBA championship. Then, Phil Jackson, master of the universe, stepped in and sealed the infinite void. Woodson hasn't been seen since.

Oh, wait. Scratch that last part. According to the Internet, he's now an assistant for the Clippers. We regret the error.

In today's NBA, James Harden's beard is as good as it gets. It's bold, iconic, and an essential part to Harden's persona in the league. Since entering the pros, Harden has shown an unparalleled commitment to his facial hair, and as a result, players across the Association have learned to “Fear the Beard”. The growth started in 2009, right around when Harden had finished his career as an Arizona State Sun Devil. While at ASU, Harden was known as a legitimate scoring threat who had earned the respect of his opponents all around the NCAA. However, it was with his flourishing facial hair that he reached the next echelon of success and stardom in basketball. Coincidence? We think not.