Image via Complex Original
Nowadays athletes hydrate with Gatorade's G2, have role models like Gabby Douglas to look up to, and track pitches with an iPhone app. But, back in our day, we cheered on 'roided out sluggers, drank All Sport until we puked, and lived the phrase "balls in, coming down!" It was a simpler time.
Before kids were doing steroids, bat flipping after every home run, and committing to full-ride scholarships in the second grade, there were purists who played for a love of the game and a promise of free Airheads. So, to celebrate change and the 2012 Little League World Series, we're taking a look back at The 5 Kids on Every 90s Era Little League Team.
The Fat Kid at First Base
Back in the '90s, Little League was as much about crushing Pepsis and Fun Dip between innings as it was about baseball. With a Lenny Dykstra-style lipper of Big League Chew and a vicious uppercut swing, the fat kid at first base was downright Ruthian when he got his arms extended on a 45-mph fastball.
Defensively, that guy was a total liability. He couldn't stretch or pick a short hop, but he wasn't on the team for the way he patrolled the not-so-hot corner. Remember that. He was on the team because he bruised pitchers, peppering the center field fence like a hailstorm of weak shit fastballs all summer long.
The Freakishly Tall 12-Year-Old on the Mound
FOH with a pitch count, in the '90s you rode your workhorse. And typically, that stallion was an already zit-faced, five-foot-ten buzzard in a pair of size twelve cleats.
Besides having inexplicably enormous feet, this kid threw straight cheddar. We’re talking 60-mph mustard. And—if needed—he was good for fifteen innings a week all summer long. That’s just the way it was back then. If you hadn't had at least two Tommy John surgeries by your fifteenth birthday, you weren't shit in '90s Little League.
The Coach's Son Who Played Shortstop
The head coach's kid is usually the best player on the team. Not always, but more often than not. And, when he wasn't pitching, he played shortstop. Always.
He wore eye black at 12 years old and, admittedly, looked pretty cool. He had wristbands for days and a badass pair of reflective Oakley blades. Perhaps, most egregiously of all, he had an eight-ounce batting donut that he swung in the on-deck circle and didn't share with anyone. Prick.
The Short Kid at Second Base
Nowadays, sixth graders with Justin Bieber-like petiteness are probably too busy dating high school freshmen to be bothered with baseball. But back in the '90s, before being underdeveloped was a godsend, these mighty midgets were our fireplugs. With weak arms but consistent gloves, they were our pivot men of the infield.
Offensively, this cat was easily the most frustrating hitter in the lineup. Why? Because he'd crouch down in his already compact stance like a prepubescent Ricky Henderson, turning his miniature strike zone into an aspirin pill. Save the shrimp jokes for that Biebs chump, this kid had a free pass to first base every at bat.
The Kid that Sucked, but Made the Team Because His Dad’s an Assistant Coach
This is that kid who, when running balls out, would artlessly stop directly on first base instead of running through the bag. With two strikes he took "choking up" to another level, swinging more handle than barrel. Then, if he cued that pitch foul, you could expect a dramatic shaking of his hands and the staple phrase, "Ah! Stinger!"
Even if this guy was parked under a weak popup, he'd always turn it into an awkward basket catch. He was a kid with pinch runner skills and no confidence, but because his dad was an assistant coach, he played left field and batted second.
