The 25 Ugliest Haircuts in Soccer History

Soccer players, adored by millions, can get away with plenty. We're not talking about the cheating, the drinking, and the general fuckery; we're referring to the hideous 'dos on the top of their heads. Soccer players make some of the worst hair-cutting decisions we could imagine (and many we couldn't dream up in our worst nightmares). From 'dos sported by "pretty boys" (II) like Cristiano Ronaldo and David Beckham to eccentric players like Taribo West and Brek Shea, here are the 25 Worst Haircuts in Soccer History.

Written by Noah Davis

Lifespan: 2003-2006
Reminds us of: A horse's flowing mane.

The Brazilian never seemed to care, although he really couldn't be bothered to tame the beast early in his career. And with skills like his, why would it matter?

Lifespan: 2005-2010
Reminds us of: The third member of a D-list boy band.

Opponents surely got tired of seeing the back of Messi's messy mop as he danced around them. The rest of the world did as well. Thankfully, the Argentinian sensation got a chop and now looks 22 years old instead of 15.

Lifespan: 1996-2010
Reminds us of: Lady of Rage on a bad day.

The former England captain is a man of many talents and many hairstyles. But nothing tops (quite literally) 2004, when he showed up at Manchester United training with an enormous afro, made even more amazing because he was in the midst of an eight-month ban.

Lifespan: 1993-present
Reminds us of: Axl Rose.

White people and braids: never a good mix. Becks earns points for his bold willingness to wear anything (saris, anyone?) but even international fashion icons trip up on occasion. Think he Bo Derek wear his hair in a twist...*Jigga voice*

Lifespan: 2011
Reminds us of: Frankenstein.

"Just to confirm to all my followers I have had a hair transplant. I was going bald at 25 why not. I'm delighted with the result," the England star wrote on Twitter. He should've said, "I'm not only a client, I'm the Hair Club president."

Lifespan: 2011
Reminds us of: Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai.

None other than Silvio Berlusconi told Ibra to get rid of the samurai warrior look. The mercurial striker refused to cut his hair, but at least opted for a more traditional ponytail instead of the hideous top knot. Baby steps for the big man.

Lifespan: 2001-present
Reminds us of: Sideshow Bob.

The rock of Barcelona's backline has never seen a bottle of conditioner he couldn't kick away. Of course, Puyol was married to Spanish model Malena Costa for two years, proving once again that it is great to be a famous soccer player. They clearly didn't split because he was stealing her Pantene.

Lifespan: 2009
Reminds us of: A sorority girl returning from Spring break in Cancun.

The Belgian playmaker became a fan favorite at Everton for his amazing afro. Then, for reasons that cannot be explained, he opted for braids. With beads! Thankfully, Fellaini has since reversed that decision.

Lifespan: 2006-present
Reminds Us Of: Braided straw.

Could the Arsenal defender be hoping attackers get distracted? If that's the case, maybe he has an excuse. If not, wow. We're not sure what is more amazing: The hairstyle itself or the fact that his ridiculously hot wife, Ludivine, lets him in the house.

Lifespan: 2001-2009
Reminds us of: Goku with a tan.

Cristiano, you've been through a lot. There was the early-stage faux-hawk-with-mullet combo. Then, the gel, gel, gel period. And do not forget the spiky blonde accents phase. You seem to have settled down a bit with age, but the next bad idea is just a cover shoot away. We still give him props for having the ultimate track record. #cantknockthehustle

Lifespan: 2002
Reminds us of: Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver—minus the badassness.

The speedster's character and charisma got him noticed enough to grace the cover of Sports Illustrated. The mohawk was a mistake for sure, but the most depressing Mathis, however, was the chubby, balding one who finished his career with the Los Angeles Galaxy.

Lifespan: 1992-2008
Reminds us of: A mop.

The Nigerian affixed green rope braids to his head during some matches he played for his national team. He would change the color when he took the field for his club. His manager probably wished he would just stop.

Lifespan: One fateful game in 2011
Reminds us of: A barber on LSD.

For Bromley's match against Leyton Orient, Daniel Johnson (hairdresser to Wayne Rooney and Rio Ferdinand) shaved QR codes into the heads of the starting lineup. When scanned, the codes brought a person to Betfair's site, where he or she could place a wager on Bromley's inevitable defeat. The game was one time when being on the bench was desirable.

Lifespan: 2007-present
Reminds us of: Rick James played by David Chappelle or Worf from Star Trek

At least the Arsenal winger remains consistent: He has refused to change his hair throughout the duration of his career. The only thing he alters is the thickness of the band that holds the braids in place. We'd suggest a thicker one.

Lifespan: 1988-1996
Reminds us of: The early '90s.

The former United States goalkeeper started out with a mullet and then traded that horribleness for a ponytail. Just imagine the ripping he must have taken when he tried out to be the New York Jets kicker in 1994. He deserved worse.

Lifespan: 2005
Reminds us of: An unsupervised child.

The enigmatic Italian star takes more flak than anyone this side of Cristiano Ronaldo. It would be unfair, except he deserves most of it. His current favorite hairstyle—a wide, low mohawk—is better than the Italian-inspired red, green, and white triangles, but only just so.

Lifespan: 1985-1992
Reminds Us Of: A hooligan.

They called him "Magic Chris," clearly a reference to his skills rather than his sense of style. He rocked the mullet hard during the 1990 World Cup, where he missed a crucial penalty kick. Yup, that's the look of a true loser.

Lifespan: 2008-present
Reminds Us Of: A vampire with braids.

The braids aren't the problem. Well, they aren't the biggest problem. It's the sheer number of ways he wears them that puts Barcelona's backup keeper on this list. Plus, Pinto is almost 40. #toooldforthatshit

Lifespan: 2002-present
Reminds Us Of: Grandpa Deion Sanders on acid.

The French forward burst on to the scene with a bleached head and matching white moustache and beard. For the 2010 World Cup, he went with a green head stripe. He is currently rocking the "Balotelli flat and wide mohawk look," which is also a mistake.

Lifespan: 2002 World Cup
Reminds us of: A guy who picks up trannies. Oh, wait...

It was a nice contrast: The greatest footballer in the world picked the worst haircut in the universe to sport during the 2002 World Cup. Then again, Ronaldo put Brazil on his back and won them the tournament, so he should be able to do what he wants. But this is pushing it.

Lifespan: 1990-1993
Reminds us of: A drowning rat.

The Aston Villa winger went Jheri Curl up top, shaved on the sides. Daley was known for his speed, so perhaps he thought the aerodynamic 'do improved his quicks?

Lifespan: 2011-present
Reminds Us Of: A teenager's carefully constructed apathy.

The rising American star nailed the trifecta in 2011: Cornrows, a mullet, and a horrible red dye job to match the colors of his FC Dallas club. That did not, however, stop Arsenal from bringing him over to England for a training stint. It's a good thing Shea is so damn impressive on the field.

Lifespan: 1966-1976
Reminds us of: Crazy Donald Trump. Well, crazier Donald Trump.

The Manchester United and England star was too busy scoring goals to worry about his hair. It was just a couple brush strokes and go, go Sir Bobby for the working class star. (It should be noted that he currently looks very respectable as a 73-year-old bald man.)

Lifespan: 1990-present
Reminds Us Of: Jet Li in Lethal Weapon 4.

While the Italian star showed horrible hair sense from the very beginning of his storied career, his rattail did not reach its glorious full potential until the mid-1990s. If he had a better haircut, would he have made the penalty kick that cost his country the 1994 World Cup?

Lifespan: 2006
Reminds us of: A horror movie.

Why are there worms growing out of the man's forehead?