Image via Complex Original
Somewhere between Skip Bayless and Dick Vitale on the irritating sports personality meter is Jack Buck's dipshit kid Joe Buck. The otherwise serviceable broadcaster has been buried by fans for his unchecked arrogance, perceived St. Louis bias, and landing a dream job through nepotism. He's hollow, cocky and, today at least, another year older. That's right, your least favorite play-by-play guy turns 44 years old today and we're celebrating by rolling out the world's worst audition tape. Buy Artie Lange a Busch tallboy and prepare to lecture Randy Moss as we countdown Joe Buck's Lamest On-Air Moments.
15. Joe's Coming Out Party
Event: 1989 AAA All-Star Game
Date: 7/12/1989
If not for his trademark butt chin, you'd have a hard time recognizing the young, spry on-field reporter in the above clip. Joe Buck was a student at University of Indiana when he got his first "major break" with a live interview during the '89 AAA All-Star Game. From day one, Joe Buck's been a sports broadcasting triple-threat. He had a gracefully disheveled blowout, an insufferable need to over-enunciate, and a cumbersome ear piece full of hard hitting questions for Todd Zeile and Greg Vaughn about their home run battle. It's inspiring to see a spazzed-out, pubescent superstar in the making.
14. "Pujols Squeezes Out Number Two."
Reporter: 2011 MLB World Series
Year: 10/29/2011
We should cut sports broadcasters more slack. They have to talk for three straight hours about "balls," "holes," and "scoring" without making an unintentionally sexual gaffe. It's impossible. But when you punctuate a foul out by saying, "Albert Pujols squeezes out number two," expect to get uploaded on YouTube. Unless the former Cardinals slugger's pearl white away pants instantly became a pair of camouflage chinos, Joe should have stuck with "Albert makes the catch in foul territory." It's simple and it won't be easily confused with a grown man crapping himself.
13. "He's Got a Cute Little Smile."
Event: Hooters SportsChix interview
Date: 1/31/2008
Joe Buck scored an interview with some group called "The Hooters SportsChix" before Super Bowl XLII. Apparently, they're a media team sponsored by the eponymous restaurant chain. But instead of looking like gorgeous waitresses, they look (and act) like chirpy hair dressers.
After asking about Eli Manning's look and getting a comment from Buck about his "great hair," "nice outfits," and "cute little smile," Joe declares that Tom Brady is a "hands down winner" in the ladies department. Just when we're ready to declare this the most humiliating clip in Joe Buck interview history (an impressive accolade in its own right), Buck correctly predicts a victory for the heavily disfavored New York Giants. Nice save, Joe.
12. Joe's Appearance on Dr. Phil
Event: FOX NFL Sunday ad spot
Date: November 2010
Joe Buck's an emasculated oddball who's only famous because he won the nepotism lottery, so it's important that he's able to laugh at himself. Otherwise, he'd be the most unlikeable person ever. In this TV spot, Buck appears on Dr. Phil to explore his personal sense of inadequacy. Dr. Phil accosts Buck for "self-hatred" and an inferiority complex, while Buck is pathetically defensive. This commercial is like his biography.
11. Joe's Got Tricks
Event: 2011 NFL Preseason
Date: 8/18/2011
Preseason football can be pretty boring. With scrubs on the field and in the middle of the fourth quarter, Joe Buck tried to liven up a meaningless blowout with a magic trick. It's definitely awkward and uncomfortable, but Joe would have to pull a dead rabbit out of his pants to be on this guy's level.
10. Joe Has Words for the Haters
Event: "Five Good Minutes" on ESPN's Pardon the Interruption
Date: 10/22/2007
Joe, we all hate you. You have a dream job because your dad was a legend. You work one day a week and make millions of dollars each year. You're pretty much the least sympathetic person on the world, so don't make yourself more loathsome by passive aggressively addressing "the haters."
In an appearance on ESPN's PTI Buck answered a question about the World Series' late start by saying "It's Fox's fault." Much to the delight of dipshit in tow, Tim McCarver, Buck continued, "We're actually responsible for Iran's nuclear program... so please, send your complaints to Fox. Whether it's the All-Star game or anything else, it's probably Fox's fault." Oh, Joe. You're sooo funny. We totally have no idea why everyone thinks you're a smug prick.
9. "I Get Knocked Down."
Event: 2010 NFL Playoffs
Date: 1/10/2010
You know when you're five seconds into a story that you realize is going to suck, but you just plow through anyway? By the end, everyone in ear shot is annoyed and you're a little embarrassed? Well, it turns out that sports broadcasters experience the same social nightmare. Before a 2010 Playoff game, Joe Buck answered a clumsy transition from the Fox NFL studio with a few bars from Chumbawamba's "I Get Knocked Down." The STFU look on Troy Aikman's face says it all.
8. 2012 All-Star Game TV Spots
Event: 2012 MLB All-Star Game Ad Spots
Year: July 2012
If Fox has a single competent executive, they saw 15 seconds of the first clip and immediately fired everyone involved. If you're looking to waste 90 seconds of your life, press play with urgency!
7. Joe's Kicked Out of the Booth
Event: Fox NFL Sunday Ad Spot
Date: November 2011
We're sensing a theme here. In many of Fox's promotional spots, Joe Buck is featured as a weak dope incapable of defending himself. In this particular case of art imitating life, JB Smoove kicks Joe off of the team when "there's not enough room" for three guys in the booth. Troy Aikman doesn't seem to mind the change in personnel and we can't really blame him.
6. "Joe Buck Sucks!"
Event: 2012 NLCS Game 7, Cardinals v. Giants
Year: 10/22/2012
The San Francisco Giants fan base hates Joe Buck like Jets nation resents Mark Sanchez. It's a deeply rooted and pure hatred. Because of Buck's perceived anti-Giants bias and pro-Cardinals slant, Giants faithful celebrated their team's series-clinching win against St. Louis with a collective "Joe Buck sucks!" chant. Yes, instead of lauding Matt Cain's pitching performance or Pablo Sandoval's dominance at the plate, Giants fans stood united behind a shared hostility towards the game's broadcasting team. The Bay Bombers won the 2012 World Series with Joe Buck serving as the team's unofficial rally monkey in hipster frame glasses.
5. 72 Seconds of Nonsense
Event: Fox Saturday Baseball
Date: August 2012
In 1977, Earth received a bizarre signal from space that became known as the "Wow!" signal. Thirty-five years later, Joe Buck and nearby weirdo, Tim McCarver, decided to respond. In just over a minute, McCarver tells a dumb story, Joe Buck attempts a pathetic joke, and 72 seconds of your life are completely wasted. If beings from the planet Benzar come across this transmission, they'll send an alien army equipped with laser guns to destroy every American ballpark.
4. Gets Sonned by a Drunken Justin Timberlake
Event 2011 MLB All-Star Game
Date: 7/12/2011
With an ice cold stadium beer in hand, Justin Timberlake was interviewed during the 2011 MLB All-Star Game. Instead of promoting his film Friends with Benefits, Timberlake took shots at the game's announcer by passive aggressively saying "Joe Buck you're calling a great game, Joe." and continued, "He's just a classy guy with a classy voice." Not one to be upstaged by an A-list celebrity, Buck retorted, "Hey Gracie, ask him if his movie's any good." To which Timberlake responded, "It's fantastic, Joe. You're going to laugh. You're going to cry because I know you're that type of guy." See? Celebrities are just like us. They hate Joe Buck, too.
3. The Lamest Call for the Super Bowl's Biggest Play
Event: Super Bowl XLII
Date: 2/3/2008
David Tyree's miracle catch in Super Bowl XLII is one of the best plays in NFL history and helped the Giants complete the greatest upset in modern sports history. But if you close your eyes and turn up the sound, you'd think it's a simple inside slant for a first down. Unless Joe was sipping prescription strength cough syrup in the booth, there's absolutely no excuse for this kind of hollow emotion. Unless, of course, you have no emotions. Gus Johnson would've went clinically insane if he were on the call.
2. Joe Buck vs. Artie Lange
Event: HBO's Joe Buck Live
Date: 6/15/2009
If you watch only eight minutes worth of Internet video today, make it THIS clip. As a reportedly drunk guest on HBO's predictably short-lived Joe Buck Live, Artie Lange repeatedly insulted the show's host, insinuated that Buck's favorite website is "suckingcock.com," and threatened to smoke a cigarette despite Buck's insistence not to. Buck acts incensed and outraged, but he did invite the most unstable guy from the fucking Howard Stern Show to his set, so he shouldn't be that surprised. If you hate Joe Buck (we see you Giants fans), you will love this clip.
1. "A Disgusting Act."
Event: 2005 NFC Wild-Card Game, Vikings vs. Packers
Date: 1/9/2005
After effectually ending Green Bay's season with a fourth quarter touchdown, Randy Moss celebrated by pretending to moon the Lambeau faithful. Before Moss could pull up his mimed knickers, Joe Buck interjected, "That is a disgusting act by Randy Moss, and it's unfortunate that we had to air it live."
Wow, Joe. For a guy who punctuates brain hemorrhaging football hits with "that guy just got his bell rung," you sure do have delicate sensibilities. The call was made all the more embarrassing when it was pointed out to him that Packers fans often moon the opposing team's bus, and Moss humorously played to that tradition. Whether you call it a fail or just Buck being Buck, it's definitely his lamest on-air moment.