Image via Complex Original
Amateur sports—it took you awhile but you've finally caught up to the pro game. Between Gabby Douglas, high school football on ESPN, and wall-to-wall coverage of The Little League World Series, you'd think there's something important about 12-year-old kids hitting balls 200 feet with metal bats.
But, with the sky-rocketing cost of tuition, the only way your kid is getting a higher education is with a full-ride scholarship. What we're trying to say is: amateur sports are, like, really important.
So, here's our tribute to the parents that get it, the ones who understand what's at stake. The ones who, when they're fifth grader is called out on strikes looking, attack the umpire with a shattered bottle of Wild Turkey. Because in a world of starving children, crippling debt, and rising unemployment, what really matters is a baseball game amongst kids more than five birthdays away from a drivers license.
"Are You Insane?"
Date: July 2012
Location: Oxford, Connecticut
No position in life is more glorious then that of an all-star baseball coach for eleven-year-old kids. A Wilton, Connecticut man defended his position of high honor by belittling his kids and, as caught on video, berating an umpire to the point that he forced the manager's team to forfeit. What a bawse.
The little league coach repeatedly asks the umpire, "Are you insane?!" which is a totally legit inquiry coming from a grown man in the middle of a Bobby Knight-like meltdown in front of fifth-graders. The Oxford parent who recorded the confrontation was reportedly disgusted not only with the coach's on-field shenanigans (which lasted more than a minute before the recording began) but also for profanity-laced rants directed at his still-in-elementary-school players.
"I'm Right Here!"
Date: June 2012
Location: Columbus, GA
To celebrate a monumental victory by a team of eleven-year-old kids with 9 p.m. bedtimes, Charles Davidson cranked his stereo in boastful ignorance. Angered by the brashness of Davidson's display, Iram King—a father on the losing team—demanded the music be turned down.
According to police, Davidson obliged, reducing the volume on his Steely Dan (or whatever grown men play to vaunt youth baseball victories). That, apparently, was not enough for King who continued to walk towards Davidson. When Davidson asked, "Why are you walking over here?" Iram replied, "I'm here to fuck you up."
Davidson's response? "I'm right here." You can guess what happened next, or you can watch the video. Spoiler alert: they fight!
These JV Kids are Serious
Date: April 2012
Location: Carmichael, California
Anyone who has played junior varsity baseball knows that the tensions run high—but the stakes are even higher. When a high school baseball coach allegedly hurled a few insults at the not-old-enough-to-vote-yet opposing pitcher, the young man threw a baseball in the direction of the coach, triggering a '68 Democratic National Convention-like brawl.
Yuba City is in yellow. We're pretty sure it's illegal for high schools to sponsor fight clubs. But if it's not, this team is a favorite to win conference. A parent on the Del Campo side of the field yells, "Go back to your farm land!" if that tells you anything. And a morbidly obese woman walks on the field to, apparently, scream the f-word twice and, rather cavalierly, throw up the double middle finger. We wonder where the kids get it.
Ring Him Up
Date: May 2012
Location: Unknown
This kid is swinging a bat that's about as long as he is tall. But, with two strikes, you gotta be swinging. Or this could be you.
Scorned Lover, Horrible Coach
Date: October 2011
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Michael Smith was carrying a couple of drug and alcohol convictions under his belt. Those charges were, apparently, docile enough to pass a background check by a New Mexico little league. Albuquerque's live and let live policy would come back to haunt them. Angered by the sight of his ex-wife's boyfriend, Smith jumped out from the dugout during a game and beat the man on the field, in front of horrified eight-year-old children.
As responsible adults, the two took their fight across the street where Smith bashed his combatant's head in with a crowbar. The gash was so severe that the victim required nine staples. In a bold administrative move, the New Mexico little league suspended Smith until "the court case gets sorted out."
The Final Cut
Date: June 2011
Location: Saginaw, Michigan
We all face crossroads, times in our lives when have to make decisions on whether to continue on our dreams or fold to life's stacked deck of cards. That time, according to a Saginaw, Michigan little league, is seven years old.
After cutting a handful of second graders for a seven-year-old "all-star" team, an angry dad confronted the team's coach. According to a Saginaw police officer, “He was angry at the coach and threw a couple of F-bombs out there.”
The Dark Side of Drinking Too Much Red Bull
Date: July 2010
Location: Harrogate, Tennessee
A highly contested game amongst twelve-year-old kids ended in the most exciting way possible—a walk-off steal of home. Then, it got even more exciting when the coach of the losing team charged the umpire and pile drove him into the backstop.
I fell to the ground," the umpire, Douglas White said after the incident,"(It) dislocated my right shoulder."
The attacker, Michael Maples, left the scene but was later arrested and charged with assault.
Moms: Always There for You
Date: June, 2011
Location: Mineola, NY
Janet Chiauzzi, the mother of a little league player, was so upset that her son was cut from a traveling team that she sent a letter to the coach that read, "I will personally make it my goal to make sure you and your family will suffer dearly. You will rot in hell soon."
As bad as that is, it's nothing compared to the note she sent to the coach's fourteen-year-old son, "Think about it, if something terrible happens to your dad or mom or your sister you can blame your dad for not taking my threats seriously." Chiauzzi was arrested and charged with stalking and harassment.
The Boston Streaker
Date: August 2011
Location: Hingham, Massachusetts
When Oliver Sullivan was offered $20 to streak through a little league game, he jumped at the opportunity. The 18-year-old man ran through the outfield naked, gloating like an idiot in front of mostly nine-year-old children and eye-rolling adults. Sullivan then jumped into an awaiting pickup truck and, as the car sped off, appeared to make a clean getaway. The perfect crime.
Unfortunately for Sullivan, he thought it wise to accessorize while traumatizing adolescents and dropped his cellphone in center field. Police were able to identify Sullivan through pictures found on the phone and charged him with felony gross lewdness.
A Bad Year for Texas City Little League
Date: March 2010
Location: Texas City, Texas
Baseball is policed through a complicated system of player codes. Since you have to teach kids “how the game is played” at an early age, little league coaches Johnathan Kimsey, JD Cooper, and Jose Duran brawled it out after a “trick play” changed the complexion of a game between seven and eight-year-old kids.
According to Cooper (who allegedly screamed the f-word before entering the field to argue) he was choked out in front of his own child, coming to when hearing the phrase, “Daddy, wake up.” When the fight was finally broken up, both coaches were arrested and suspended for the season. Less than two weeks later Jeremy Delgado (pictured) was arrested from the same little league fields for swearing at an umpire.
A Costly Error
Date: Summer 2010
Location: Manchester Township, NJ
Every young ballplayer needs to learn how costly throwing errors can be, which is why we commend Elizabeth Lloyd for suing a fifth grade bullpen catcher after his errant throw hit her in the face.
The New Jersey woman is claiming more than $150K in damages and is seeking additional pain and suffering after getting dotted by an overthrow from the then eleven-year-old Matthew Migliaccio (pictured). Lloyd's husband is also suing for the loss of "services, society and consortium" of his wife.
"It's absurd to expect every eleven-year-old to throw the ball on target," Migliaccio's father said, "I just feel people should know about this, and maybe Little League can figure out a way to protect these kids."
Does This Mean We Can't Go Out for Ice Cream?
Date: May 2009
Location: Kirkland, Washington
Baseball moms are the best. They're always there with Capri Suns, tangerine slices, and—if need be—to commit a fourth degree assault on a sixth grader. A 41-year-old woman was arrested for allegedly grabbing a twelve-year-old on the opposing team by the mouth, calling him "white trash," and telling him to "shut his fucking mouth" in front of a crowded field of horrified onlookers. According to a witness, "The mother was passionate and took matters into her own hands." We'll say.
You Got Served
Date: July 2009
Location: South Charleston, WV
In what might be the single worst moment in little league history, bad behavior begat bad behavior and innocent kids were robbed of a tournament championship—twice.
With the game tied at five and two outs in the sixth inning, Elijah Drummond hit his first ever home run to put his Bridgeport, WV team up two runs. Then, an umpire called interference for "assisting the runner" after the excited boy reportedly "gave a double high five" to the first base coach. Wow.
Then Bridget Furbee, a mother/attorney on the losing team, filed an injunction and ground the tournament to a halt. (Uh, that's a thing?) We're sure the kids learned a valuable lesson that day, we're just not sure what that lesson could have been.
Meeting at the Mound
Date: October 2007
Location: Bellmore, New York
Swearing is as much a part of baseball as scratching yourself and admiring home run balls from the batters box, so it was totally outrageous for a coach to bench an eleven-year-old for cursing him out. Right, dad?
The boy's father, Frank Basile, attacked the coach on the pitchers' mound to an audience of terrified children. Basile, who was charged with third degree assault, beat his son's coach so bad, the victim was unconscious and rushed to the hospital with "a concussion and other injuries."
The Smack Heard (and Seen) 'Round the World
Date: August 2006
Location: Williamsburg, PA
The Little League World Series is awesome because ESPN puts microphones all over the field. It's an effort to capture the inherent cuteness of youth baseball, but more often than not it captures moments like the one you'll find in this clip.
When a coach tried to rally the troops with a pep talk, a little leaguer from Staten Island did what little leaguers from Staten Island do and screamed "One fucking run!" The kid was immediately smacked in the head by the coach who knew the mics were hot but, apparently, didn't think the cameras were on.