Image via Complex Original
Hundreds of thousands of movies have seen nationwide releases in the history of cinema. At least a fifth of them should've never been made. Speed 2 should've never happened, nor Baby Geniuses 2. And if the zero percent score on Rotten Tomatoes is any indicator, Paul Blart 2 should definitely have never been made. Sequels are a hazardous business.
To be fair, most sports movies suck. We get it: The story of the underdog overcoming the odds is corny Americana. Real life ain't like that, and that narrative gets boring. Some sports movies do break that mold, though. Take Raging Bull's visceral look at masculinity, for instance.
We're not talking about Raging Bull, though. We're looking at movies that deserve sequels—the ones that need an update. Give the 10 Sports Movies That Deserve Sequels a look and hope at least five of them get greenlit.
Space Jam 2
Cast: Michael Jordan as Michael Jordan
LeBron James as LeBron James
Synopsis: Michael Jordan is 52 years old, and he's a slave at a cartoon funland. Swackhammer has spent his time on the moon obsessed with finding a way to reverse the L he took during the classic Monstars vs. Looney Tunes game. After a decade, he finally found one: Jordan's hand touched the rim. Therefore, there's no way that could've been a three-pointer; the final score is 77-77, which would require an overtime period. Jordan is forced to live on Moron Mountain to complete his bargain after he fails to form a team to face off against the newly formed Monstars.
However, Swackhammer quickly realizes that no one cares about a dunking 52-year-old. They care about LeBron James. So Swackhammer makes an offer: Bring him James and he's free to go. James, who's hungry to prove his legacy, will only take Jordan's spot on Moron Mountain on one condition: His Airness beats The King in the greatest game of one-on-one basketball ever played.
The first time was a favor. This time it's for freedom.
White Men Can't Jump: Game of Death
Cast: Blake Griffin as Blake Griffin
Wesley Snipes as Sidney Deane
Woody Harrelson as Billy Hoyle
Jerrod Carmichael as X
Synopsis: The thirst has defeated Blake Griffin. The star forward became so enamored over known Twitter personality Lana MacKenzie that he attempted to finally win her over with a dickpic. Big mistake! Griffin got himself caught up in a catfish scheme concocted by an extreme black supremacist, X, who wants to take Griffin down. Now, Griffin is forced to fake a shoulder injury so that he can sit out from the NBA and take X up on his offer: He must beat 10 black supremacists in a gauntlet tournament, or his dickpics will be released. Basketball acumen won't cut it. Griffin must learn from Sidney and Billy to get the street smarts needed to get those dickpics back from the wrong hands.
In order to beat the wolves, Griffin must become one.
The Parking Lot
Cast: Whatever Nickelodeon/Disney Channel has to offer these days plus Tyler James Williams.
Synopsis: Completely ignoring the hot garbage 2005 remake, a new group of kids try to take over the Sandlot and continue the decades-long legacy it holds. Except they can't. Gentrification has taken over the town and the Sandlot is being developed into real estate. Childhood memories don't make money.
Now, the new Sandlot kids must make a new legend on the cold concrete of Whole Foods parking lot.
Dreams will be made and bones will be broken.
The Blind Side 2
Cast: E-40 as Michael Oher
Meryl Streep as Leigh Anne Tuohy
Synopsis: After a fairly successful NFL career, Michael Oher finds himself a millionaire with a slipping memory. The toll of multiple seasons of concussions now visible, Michael lumbers about his mansion's dozen rooms, often forgetting why he got up in the first place. He's no longer starving because he's on the streets, but rather because he's trapped on the third floor of his home with no recollection of where the kitchen is located. It's just Michael, his millions, and his unpredictable mood swings brought on by CTE.
That is, until Leigh Ann Tuohy steps back into his life. Oher doesn't remember much, but he does know that a white woman is probably the answer.
Any Given Sunday: Win or Lose
Cast: Al Pacino as Tony D'Amato
LL Cool J as Julian “J-Man” Washington
Lawrence Taylor as Luther “Shark” Lavay
Synopsis: Tony D'Amato has finally made it. After leading the Albuquerque Aztecs to three consecutive Pantheon Cup Championships, D'Amato's has tried his luck in the league's front office. 10 years later, he's finally been appointed as NFL commissioner despite Christina Pagniacci's protests. Things aren't great at the top, though. Players are getting caught on camera hitting women, and the concussion issue is the source of continuous debate.
D'Amato is about to find out that you could win or lose any day of the week. That's how bad publicity works.
Caddyshack: Tiger's Return
Cast: Tiger Woods as Tiger Woods
Louis C.K. as the Caddy
Rodney Dangerfield as Hologram
Synopsis: The previous Caddyshack II was a result of some weird fever dream the Caddy had. He has a rough dayjob: Being a washed Tiger Woods caddy. Tiger Woods is not actually washed though; the Caddy has been purposefully sabotaging Woods by messing with his clubs.
Woods is the one person anybody ever talks about when it comes to golf. If the Caddy forces him to retire, golf would cease to exist, allowing the gophers living in the golf greens to roam freely. Finally, the Caddy would be able to eradicate them all.
Zaniness ensues.
Rocky IV: Cold Warrior
Cast: Sylvester Stallone as Rocky Balboa
John Slattery as Ronald Reagan
Rocky Balboa is becoming a new man during his exile in Siberia. He has to; Ivan Drago murked his friend in front of him. However, Rocky learns this fight is bigger than him in the process of cutting wood and fist-fighting bears. Reagan warns him that the Soviet Union is planning an attack on American soil, and the only way for him to beat it is by defeating Drago and delivering a rousing speech heartfelt enough to hide its clearly patriotic undertones. It's not a sequel or a prequel, it's a subquel buried deep within the heart of Rocky IV.
This used to be for a friend. Now, it's for America.
He Had Game
Cast: Ray Allen as Jesus Shuttlesworth
Steph Curry as Judas Prince
Denzel Washington as Jake Shuttlesworth
Jake Shuttlesworth is serving his sentence in jail when he makes a stunning realization: Jesus actually sucks at basketball. The kid could barely beat an old prisoner in 1-on-1. He's overhyped and will never make it to the NBA. Now, Jake has to break out of jail to convince his son not to stake his life on basketball, and maybe pursue a degree in English instead. And he must do so soon: Rival guard Judas has been breaking ankles left and right, and Jesus could be next if he's not careful.
Is ball really life?
Hardball 2
Cast: Michael B. Jordan as Jamal
Sammy Sosa as Sammy Sosa
Derrick Rose as Derrick Rose
Things are changing in Chicago. Sammy Sosa is white. Baseball is not really a thing anymore. Now, one of the only outlets these children have is basketball. Jamal, one of the original hardball boys, is a reformed gang member now coaching a group of kids from the same housing projects where he grew up. It doesn't work out well at first; there are barely any basketball hoops, so the kids don't know how to do anything other than crossovers and talk shit. But Jamal is determined to make it work, though. He has to do it for G-Baby.
Love and Basketball: Double or Nothing
Cast: Kyrie Irving as Quincy
Skylar Diggins as Monica
Same exact thing as the first, except instead of taking Monica after that basketball game, Quincy is like, “Yo, take this L.”
(She can't be the one if she's playing for your heart and is out here missing wide open lay-ups.)