Predicting Who Will Win Every NFL Game for Week 2

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Chopz: Panthers all day here. At home and need a win. I’m calling at least one pick 6 against Winston, too. 

Adam: Cam’s about to go off with all these questions about his shoulder progressively pissing him off, right? Panthers on Thursday night thanks to the brilliance of Christian McCaffrey. Plus, the Bucs are just 3-9 against the Panthers in their last 12 meetings. 

Zion: Panthers. 

Angel: Both teams are 0-1, but the Panthers are better. I’m going with Carolina here.

Chopz: If we were picking the spread, this one might be interesting, but since it’s straight up, give me New England. 

Adam: Sad this line hasn’t reached the 20s yet, but we’re not picking against the spread. We’re picking straight up winners here and only a fool would back the Dolphins. 

Zion: Patriots by 90. 

Angel: The Patriots by a lot. Not sure if they even have to play this game or show it on TV.

Chopz: Another one that might be interesting against the spread, but an easy straight up pick. Ravens, easy. 

Adam: Am I the only one not overly impressed by Kyler Murray’s speed last week when he tried to run? Ravens will rattle the rookie in his first road test. 

Zion: LAMAR JACKSON SZN! Ravens roll. 

Angel: Ravens. Lamar is gonna throw for another five touchdowns.

Chopz: The Bengals looked good on Sunday. I’ll take them here. 

Adam: Your “who cares?” game of the week right here. Cincinnati. 

Zion: Bengals. 

Angel: Niners.

Chopz: Chargers should roll. 

Adam: Should you trust the Chargers in this one? Yes, you should. 

Zion: Chargers. Austin Ekeler gonna eat. 

Angel: Chargers in a rout.

Chopz: Division games are never easy to pick, and especially NFC North games. I think I like the Packers here, but it will be close. 

Adam: Not picking against the Packers at home until further notice.  

Zion: That was a poor offensive showing from Green Bay in Week 1. I expect better from Aaron Rodgers. Packers win the rivalry game. 

Angel: Taking the Packers here with Rodgers opening that offense up a bit.

Chopz: If Nick Foles were healthy I might pick the Jags, but since he’s not, give me the Texans. 

Adam: Tough spot for the Texans who have to put that brutal loss to the Saints behind them, prepare for a division rival on a short week, could low-key be looking ahead to a showdown with the Chargers in Week 3, and have to figure out ASAP how they’re going to keep Deshaun Watson alive. Give me the Jaguars in an upset, even though the mustache known as Gardner Minshew will be Jacksonville’s quarterback. 

Zion: Deshaun Watson is looking SCARY. Texans. 

Angel: Texans because Big Dick Nick is out and Uncle Rico is in.

Chopz: I think the Bills lay an egg here in their second straight game at MetLife. Giants need to give Saquon more than 11 carries, but I think they win here. 

Adam: Are the Bills good enough to follow-up a huge come-from-behind win against a division rival with a full 60 minute effort on the road for a second straight week against a team they could easily be overlooking? Nope. Giants here. 

Zion: Saquon runs all over these fools. GMEN WIN! 

Angel: Jesus. I think the Bills will still be high from their comeback last week. Give me Buffalo or give me death!

Chopz: I think I like the Seahawks here, though the Steelers should play better in week 2. Think Seattle has enough to take it. 

Adam: Seattle. Seahawks didn’t exactly impress in Week 1 against the Bengals, but the Steelers looked deplorable in New England and—newsflash—just might not be all that good. 

Zion: Steelers aren’t as bad as they showed last week. I'll pick Pittsburgh to bounce back in week 2. 

Angel: Steelers looked trash but the Seahawks didn’t exactly impress last week. I think Pittsburgh bounces back and wins a close one.

Chopz: The Titans smacked my Browns last week so I’ll pick them here. 

Adam: Indy was better than expected against the Chargers last week and the Colts have had a lot of success against the Titans over the years, including in Nashville, albeit with Andrew Luck usually under center. I’ll say the trend continues. Give me the Colts. 

Zion: Titans are on a mission, it seems like. They embarrassed the Browns. I think they continue that momentum vs. the Colts. 

Angel: Titans, baby. This is Mariota’s year.

Chopz: The Cowboys look very legit. They win here by two TDs. 

Adam: Would love to have the balls to pick Washington in an upset, but let’s not overthink this one. 

Zion: Think we’re giving the Cowboys way too much credit for dominating an incompetent Giants defense. They were good but the Redskins are better than the Giants and they’re playing at home. Redskins. 

Angel: Cowboys, unfortunately (I’m a Giants fan). Dallas looks to be really fucking good this year.

Chopz: Chiefs roll but the Raiders might not be as bad as we all thought. 

Adam: No need to get cute. Chiefs.  

Zion: Chiefs. Even without Tyreek Hill, Mahomes will eat. 

Angel: Chiefs. Oakland will miss rookie safety Jonathan Abram more than they will AB.

Chopz: Upset alert: give me the Broncos. 

Adam: The Denver pass rush was non-existent against the Raiders Monday, which was a shock. I don’t think expect them to be quiet for a second straight week so I’m on Broncos as well. Here’s a stat to back it up: the Broncos are 18-1 straight up in their last 19 home openers. 

Zion: The Bears offense was miserable…. I’m also tired of picking the favorite. 

Angel: Chicago’s offense looked like they didn’t know how to play football, but they bounce back and win this one.

Chopz: This will likely be the best game of the week. I’m going with the Rams at home. 

Adam: Toss up game. I believe in the Saints more than the Rams so give me New Orleans. 

Zion: I’m going with the Saints. This game is personal. 

Angel: This is gonna be a shootout, for sure. I’ll take the Saints here, though. Brees and them are gonna make another run and hopefully not get fucked over by the zebras.

Chopz: After last week, I’m never picking the Falcons again. Eagles. 

Adam: Philly. No analysis necessary. 

Zion: Falcons at home. As I said last week, they crap their pants on the road but they’re home this week. 

Angel: Falcons because they don’t make any sense, plus they’ll be home.

Chopz: BROWNS BABY. 

Adam: Don’t know if these two could have looked more hideous if they tried last week. Jets could be a mess defensively with some key injuries while the Browns have to be better offensively than they showed against the Titans. Cleveland in a close one.  

Zion: The two Week 1 clowns facing off. I’m picking the Browns week two. They need this one bad. 

Angel: Browns, of course. They needed to come back down to Earth, and for that, the Jets are gonna have to pay.