The 25 Worst Cars for Sale on eBay Right Now

Image via Complex Original

Location: Cudahy, Wisconsin
Current Bid: No bids yet; Buy It Now for $7,000

If you're going to stylistically ape any car from The Fast and the Furious franchise, why on earth would you make it the lame-ass VW Jetta from the first movie?

Location: Maspeth, New York
Current Bid: $3,050

Nothing says, "Hey, little kids, want some candy?!?" like a creepy cargo van with the back doors thrown open. We'd call this the Stranger Dangermobile. *shudders*

Location: Rocklin, California
Current Bid: $2,500

We know it isn't a Fury, but the old-school Plymouth badging and that grill still make us have uncomfortable flashbacks to Christine. So much so that we're pretty sure we wouldn't get any sleep at all if we had this thing parked out front, staring into our windows at night.

Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Current Bid: $1,101

Seller states that this Riviera was abandoned on their property, and that it has the 455 c.i. engine. Seller hasn't mentioned whether or not the thing actually runs, however, which would be a rather key decision influence, we feel.

Location: Arlington, Texas
Current Bid: No current bid; starting price is $7,499.99

Auction title mentions flood damage. Seller's listing says the engine is missing, but the car is otherwise complete and intact. It has a gray cloth interior. Did the cloth and carpets get flooded? We don't know, because the seller doesn't tell you. Instead, the seller assures you that you can put a new engine in it for only around $1,000 more. It's all about the positive.

Location: New Castle, Virginia
Current Bid: $800

OK, Neons are kind of generically crappy, not exceptionally crappy. We're happy to admit that. However, we're mystified by the seller's statement that "a deer slammed the driver corner panel and the front plastics is damaged." That makes it sound like a deer thought this Neon was particularly terrible for some reason, and just started ramming the thing to show its displeasure. Are you sure you didn't ram the deer, seller? Judging from the damage -- and the plastic body panels -- the deer is probably just fine either way.

Location: Port Orchard, Washington
Current Bid: Buy It Now for $12,100

This is a screen-used stunt car from Fast and Furious. So it's really a mixed bag. If you want this for a movie collection, great. But if you want it as a car to drive, you have to expect that it was completely thrashed like a red-headed stepchild during filming.

Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Current Bid: No current bids; Buy It Now for $7,400

Seller lists it as an "economical" fixer-upper. What, as in it gets MPG in the double digits? STis are great for many reasons, but if you're looking for fuel economy, this isn't the car for you. Seller also somehow considers 86,136 miles to be "low mileage."

Location: Compton, California
Current Bid: Buy It Now for $10,900

Looks like someone turned over their new Leaf just a little too hard. On its face. Oops.

Location: Kearneysville, West Virginia
Current Bid: $730

We've never been big fans of this particular generation of Mustang, but dude...this may be the saddest looking one we've ever seen. It is a 5-speed, which is nice. Seller says there are a bunch of extra parts in the car, but doesn't know what any of them are. Maybe it's kinda like Storage Wars: buy a crap car full of miscellaneous spare parts and hope you've found spare-parts gold? Or a lost Vermeer rendering of the Stig (because that totally happened)?

Location: Louisville, Kentucky
Current Bid: $1,050.25

"Car runs and drives fine." Also has frame damage. We suppose that if you're really DIY and feel like fixing this up, it'd be a bargain over buying a new Fiesta. But we also suspect that most people buying Fiestas are buying them as daily drivers in which they might occasionally have fun -- not as project cars.

Location: Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey
Current Bid: $4,000

At first glance, you may be forgiven for wondering what this is doing on this list. Sure, it's easy on the eyes. Yes, it's intact, and according to the seller, everything is in fine working order. For its age, it even has fairly low miles -- just 81,848, to be exact. So what's the problem? 1.) It's the SL, not the VR-4 -- the only iteration of the 3000GT with performance to match its racy looks. 2.) It's an automatic. So basically, this 3000GT is a tease.

Location: Bakersfield, California
Current Bid: $25

Seller has no idea if the car even runs. You could be buying the world's biggest, most imposing doorstop. Guess that's not bad for $25.

Location: Reynolds, Illinois
Current Bid: $1,626

If you're a Harley historian, that's one thing. But we're pretty sure that if you tell your friends you just got a sweet Harley off eBay, they probably won't be expecting you to roll up on a golf cart.

Location: Picayune, Mississippi
Current Bid: $15,995

This car is a salvage title due to some freshwater flood damage, which the seller says has been remedied. We don't have an issue with any of that. What we do have an issue with is the paint job, to which this photo alone cannot do justice. What you're seeing is a gold dragon. On the other side is a blue dragon. Their heads (breathing fire, of course) meet on the trunk lid. What's on the hood, you ask? A painting of a girl worthy of a fantasy novel cover. The whole thing is, um...yeah. Wow.

Location: Ellenwood, Georgia
Current Bid: No current bid; starting price is $8,000 or Buy It Now for $10,500

Seller mentions that this 911 "can be fixed," but does not mention the extent of the damage. We know there's a market for fixer-upper cars like this, especially if you want a project car or something to take racing, but wouldn't you want to know what you're getting into before you toss $10K at it?

Location: Montpelier, Ohio
Current Bid: $430

To be fair, the seller states very clearly that this car is only being sold for parts. But still, whenever we see sad heaps of metal like this, we're forcibly reminded that every car will one day be consigned to the parts bin.

Location: Saint Albans, West Virginia
Current Bid: $100

It's half the car it used to be. To be fair, the seller does say that the frame is definitely good, but a lot of other parts are questionable. The seller also suggests maybe dropping another SS body on top of this frame and making a race car with it. We suppose it'd be good for that, if that's your thing. But as-is, it's a sad, sad car.

Location: Rahway, New Jersey
Current Bid: Buy It Now for $1500

Let's overlook the fact that this Spider is in need of some serious TLC (and by TLC, we mean "holy shit, it has frame damage, for cryin' out loud"). The seller stuck "Graduate" in the auction title for those all-important keyword hits. Dude, this is NOT that Spider. Even new, this was a far cry from the sleek lines of the Spider seen in the classic 1967 film. Look at that horrific '80s giant rear bumper that completely destroys any hope of classic Alfa looks. Alfa has always done curves very well. The '80s was all about wedgy, boxy shapes. Every car enthusiast knows you buy older Alfas for aesthetics, and because you enjoy swearing and bleeding a lot as you work on them. This is a crime: it's an Alfa without charm; and that was before it had its accident.

Location: Lecompton, Kansas
Current Bid: No bids yet; starting bid is $100

Thankfully, we know this car is in good rolling condition. Why? The seller tells us it suffered a bad rollover. Also, we're not completely sure, but we suspect that "Lecompton" is Compton's fancier French cousin-town.

Location: Irving, Texas
Current Bid: No bids yet; starting bid is $500

If you've ever wondered at what point a car is more rust than car, we're pretty sure this is it.

Location: Pine Bluff, Arkansas
Current Bid: No current bid; starting price is $6K

This is a clear violation of the "Lambo doors only look cool on actual Lambos" rule. We suppose it could be worse. People could try to stick gullwing doors on undeserving rides instead. But that would probably also be a lot more mechanically difficult.

Location: Morrisdale, Pennsylvania
Current Bid: $1,025

The calendar says it's spring, so we wouldn't blame you if you're starting to think about convertibles. We'll pass on this one, though.

Location: Granville, North Dakota
Current Bid: No current bid; Buy It Now for $1,400

"Right side taken out by a wreckless driver." Uh, not anymore. But hey, it has street glow installed!

Location: Birmingham, Alabama
Current Bid: $1,575

The Lambo doors are awful, but those rims, man. Those rims look like someone rolled around pulling up manhole covers, chromed them, added some yellow accents to match the metal flake paint on the body, and slapped them on the car. Oh, and also, at least one of the airbags was deployed. Replacing and reconnecting airbags properly will probably take you more time (and possibly money) than those Nexen tires are worth.