The 10 Sneakerheads You'll Meet Waiting In Line

The Veteran is easy to spot — he's the guy with the lawn chair, the blankets, and the knowledge of where the nearest bathroom is. He's been through these before, and knows exactly how late he can arrive and still get a good place. He has a fully-charged cell phone, an iPad, and is probably wearing a fresh pair of ridiculously hard-to-get kicks that he bought after waiting in his last line. This guy is good.

Never ask The Hypebeast if he likes a particular release — that simply doesn't matter. The question is whether everyone else likes it. He doesn't necessarily want it at all, he just wants it first. (And he wants you to see what he's wearing — there's nothing The Hypebeast loves more than a captive sneaker audience.) The best thing about The Hypebeast is that after he Instagrams his hot new purchases, he'll probably list them on eBay a couple of weeks later to finance whatever the next hyped-up release is. He's like a one-man pyramid scheme.

It doesn't matter when the Bully shows up, he's getting his pair. That, or he's going to jail. He rolls deep, he causes a ruckus, and isn't going to take no for an answer from some minimum-wage store employee or some geeky, 95-pound 13-year-old who's been sleeping outside for three nights in just a hoodie and selvage denim. Why do most stores do bracelets or reservations now? This guy.

The Professional may be hard to distinguish from The Veteran — they share plenty of traits for sure, but the motivation is different: The Veteran is doing this for sneakers, the Professional is doing this for sheer profit. No worries here about whether his size is still available, he'll get whatever size seems most likely to sell, and however many pairs the store will let him walk out with. You might recognize him by his mandals and his minivan.

People are waiting in line? Cool, there must be something good. The Sheep doesn't want anything in particular, he just has time to kill and figures that people wouldn't be waiting in line for nothing. He has no idea what he wants, and will most likely buy the last pair in your size when you're the next person in line. Sorry.

The New Guy might be first in line because he's been waiting a full two days longer than anyone else. Hey, he doesn't know any better. He'll be able to cop for sure, but at what price? Either that, or he shows up 20 minutes before the store is supposed to open, is shocked that there are people already waiting, then spends all day in line and winds up with an XXXL tee just for the sake of buying SOMETHING. If this episode doesn't traumatize him for life, maybe he'll learn some things and become a vet. Someday.

This guy hasn't been camping since a Cub Scout outing when he was nine, and thinks that sleeping on a sidewalk is the most exciting event of his life. Rain? That just makes it that much more memorable. He's likely to be the most chipper throughout the experience, and, if he's close enough to the front of the line, the most likely to take the full brunt of The Bully's wrath. Heck, we kind of want to punch him, too.

It isn't enough for the Filmmaker to shoot Instagram photos on his iPhone, although he does plenty of that, too — he comes fully equipped with multiple cameras, both still and video, to document the entire experience. Not only will he Instagram and blog images of his sneakers before the receipt is printed, but he'll also be posting live looks at the line to Youtube, Tumblr, Flickr, and anything else he can think of. Chill out, Ken Burns.

There are two kinds of Placeholders — the amateur and the professional. The amateur is a roommate or friend (or God forbid, a parent) who's willing to wait in line because they have nothing better to do. The professional is willing to cop for you, but at a price. He doesn't put any of his own money on the line, and makes a profit for just sitting around all day. Good work if you can get it.

Not to be confused with The Veteran, The Old-Timer swears that he's never camped out for a pair of sneakers before, and makes it very clear that he never had to do it back in the day. (Although he did walk to school, uphill both ways.) Even if he gets a prime spot and his size is assured, he's miserable about the whole thing. Feel free to ask him all about it when you see him at the following release, saying all the same things.