15 Air Jordan Retros That Michael Jordan Would Never Play In

Michael Jordan has tons and tons of signature sneakers that we're crazy about, but not all of his retro models were something that would have propelled His Airness to six NBA championships. We remember him killing it in sneakers that we would run to the store to cop, but most of the retro sneakers came after his playing days, and even if they released during his career, they probably never would have found their way to his locker. That's right, we're talking about the Air Jordans that Michael Jordan would have never laced up.

The AIr Jordan line since its initial days has expanded its retro offerings and made sneakers in a bunch of colors and materials. There have been PEs for players who maybe didn't deserve them, crazy designs dreamt up by kids, and other sneakers that just have us scratching our heads. All of which have little to do with Jordan himself outside of the Jumpman.

Jordan has had plenty of awesome off-court sneaker moments, but these sneakers will have to stay there, because there's no way he would have worn these while playing. Here are 15 Air Jordan Retros That Michael Jordan Would Never Play In.

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Release date: November 5, 2011

Jordan played like Superman on the court, but he didn't need a pair of sneakers that showed everyone this. The Doernbecher IV would be too crazy for Jordan's NBA. Even though his kicks were flashy, Jordan let his game do the talking. We'll leave the Superman gig to you, Dwight Howard. (Sorry, Shaq.)

Release date: July 11, 2009

Jordan scored 63 points against the Boston Celtics in the 1986 playoffs. But guess what? The Bulls still lost the game, and the Celtics would go on to win the NBA Finals against the Houston Rockets. Even though Jordan Brand decided to remember this moment in Jordan's history, the loss is something we're sure he doesn't like to recall. Lacing up these kicks would make it even worse.

Release date: 2010

The original Air Jordan II was made in Italy of lux leather, but the BIN 23 II is taken to another level. It's made from rich, brown leather and even has croc print panels. These are strictly going-out or stunting shoes, not what Jordan would have worn as he played the best basketball we've ever seen.

Release date: May 15, 2010

Imagine if Jordan and Magic Johnson had played on the Lakers together? It would have been like the Dream Team but in the NBA. But Jordan was out to win his own championships, and would have never jumped ship and joined the Los Angeles Lakers for a taste of someone else's fame. Neither would he have worn Lakers VIs.

Release date: February 13, 2008

The Celtics/Bulls rivalry still lives on. Remember the seven-game series from 2009? Even though Ray Allen is Team Jordan for life, we imagine that neither him—or MJ—will be wearing anything Celtics-related in the near future.

Release date: November 14, 2013

Nike's Doernbecher Freestyle program does a lot of great things and lets kids who are in rough shape design their own pair of sneakers. Feeling good aside, the Air Jordan Is that resulted from this program are strictly intended for casual purposes. The sneakers were done in all-patent leather and feature palm trees on the side. Charles Oakley would have to do even more enforcing if Jordan took the court in these sneakers.

Release date: August 22, 2009

Jordan dropped 64 points on the Orlando Magic in 1993. Why would he want to wear a pair of kicks that commemorate a team he absolutely shitted on? (Not to mention his Bulls lost to the Magic in the 1995...yeah, you remember.) Even though Jordan did borrow Penny Hardaway's sneakers once, we're sure that one time was enough.

Release date: September 21, 2013

There's a reason why Tinker Hatfield kept the elephant print on the Air Jordan IIIs to a minimum: Too much is overkill. The Air Jordan 3Lab5 was given an all-over elephant print design and a $225 price tag. We're guessing that these were designed for people to break necks on the street and not ankles on the court.

Release date: February 13, 2008

It still baffles us to this day that Quentin Richardson received an Air Jordan PE that was actually sold to the public, especially in a New York Knicks color scheme. Jordan helped deny the Knicks and Patrick Ewing of getting that championship shine. The only time we can imagine Jordan wearing these Retro VIIIs is if he went to a Charlotte Bobcats game. Same colors, bro.

Release: 2003

All-patent leather sneakers are not great to ball in, and the Air Jordan Is in black and gold hurt peoples' feet just walking around. If Jordan had to run up and down the court and hit game-winning shots in these sneakers, that might have been a hurdle even he couldn't overcome.

Release date: September 23, 2006

Jordan never played in a pair of all-3M sneakers during his career, and even though the Green Bean V and its reflective style was a hit at retail, we can't image Jordan striding the court in kicks that blinded the crowd. His game was flashy enough on its own.

Release date: Friends and family only

North Carolina holds a close place to Jordan's heart. He grew up there, went to college there, and won a National Championship there. The University of Oregon was never even on his radar: Sorry, Phil. So it doesn't make sense for Jordan to wear any of the Oregon Ducks PEs, no matter how dope they are.

Release date: November 26, 2010

Unless Michael Jordan planned on playing all of his home games in the House of Mutombo, these over-the-top VIIs which played up the African influence wouldn't have really worked for him. No, no, no!

Release date: December 18, 2008

There are two things at play here that make it unlikely that MJ would have ever laced up a pair of Eminem IIs, even if they were made in Chicago colors: 1) Eminem is from Detroit, and Mike didn't particularly like Detroit. 2) Mike was among the last of the pre-hip-hop superstars. Sure, he's an icon to rappers worldwide, but he preferred Anita Baker. Go figure.

Release date: April 17, 2010

Before Jordan could go on his way to capture his six NBA championships, he had to deal with the Bad Boy Detroit Pistons—who bounced his Bulls from the playoffs in three consecutive seasons from '88-90. He also had a notorious feud with Pistons guard Isiah Thomas, which caused Thomas to be excluded from the '92 Dream Team roster. Needless to say, Jordan would never lace up these VIs, the signature sneaker he wore the year he got over the hump, beat the Pistons, and won his first ring.