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Stephen Fiorentine is a freelance writer from Long Island. He loves his New York Giants and Yankees, as well as Cool Ranch Doritos. Follow him on Twitter.
The "Fittest Man Alive" Eats KFC
Athlete: Cristiano Ronaldo
Why it makes no sense: Recently voted the "Fittest Man Alive" by Men's Health, we are almost positive that Ronaldo does not eat Kentucky Fried Chicken.
It makes tons of sense for a company to sign Cristiano Ronaldo to be the face of its ad campaign. What doesn't make sense is the context that this ad puts him in. We are pretty sure that after scoring a goal, the first thing Ronaldo reaches for isn't fried chicken.
LaDanian Tomlinson Swings a Baseball Bat to Sell Hot Tubs
Athlete: LaDanian Tomlinson
Sponsor: Caldera Spas
Why it makes no sense: LaDanian Tomlinson happens to be a football player, not a baseball player.
This one left us rather puzzled. Why would you have one of the greatest running backs of all time swinging a baseball bat to sell hot tubs? Anyone?
Carson Palmer is Hailed as an All-Pro Quarterback All in the Name of Sausage
Athlete: Carson Palmer
Sponsor: John Morrell Smoked Sausages
Why it makes no sense: The last time we checked, Carson Palmer is not an All-Pro quarterback.
As a two-time Pro-Bowler and former No. 1 overall draft pick, Carson Palmer has had a pretty good football career. But lets not anoint him an All-Pro. Lets leave that for the Peyton Mannings and Tom Bradys of the world.
Eight-Time NBA All Defensive First Teamer Scottie Pippen Meets His Match in a Six-Foot Sandwich
Athlete: Scottie Pippen
Sponsor: Mr. Submarine
Why it makes no sense: Standing six-foot sandwiches aside, Scottie Pippen could shut down just about anyone during his prime.
From 1992-1999, Scottie Pippen was named to eight NBA All Defensive First Teams. We're pretty sure that Pippen would devour that sandwich much like he did opponents for the greater part of a decade.
Athlete: Ric Flair
Sponsor: North Carolina Education Lottery
Why it makes no sense: Because who in their right mind feels comfortable asking for a "Woo ticket?"
This is one of those ideas that probably made a lot more sense in the originator's head.
Wilt Chamberlain's Mom Reveals Her Son's Secret
Athlete: Wilt Chamberlain
Sponsor: Fletcher's Laxative
Why it makes no sense: Because nothing slows down Wilt Chamberlain.
I think it's safe to say that Wilt wasn't feeling "sluggish" the night he dropped 100 points on the Knicks. Well done, Mama Chamberlain.
Hall of Fame Offensive Tackle Jonathan Ogden is Here to Tackle Your Insurance Problems
Athlete: Jonathan Ogden
Sponsor: GEBCO Insurance
Why it makes no sense: Ogden was the anchor of the Baltimore Ravens offensive line for years, not a Broadway star.
Many football players have gone on to much success on ABC's Dancing With the Stars. I think it is safe to say that Jonathan Ogden will not be one of them.
Georges Laraque Makes No Sense In this Ad
Athlete: Georges Laraque
Why it makes no sense: Do you know what is going on? Because we sure don't.
Georges Laraque was an enforcer for multiple teams during his career in the NHL. Here, the former brawler trades him some of his macho-ness for a high pitched falsetto and quite frankly we don't know why.
Rob Bironas Boots a Copier Machine Out the Window
Athlete: Rob Bironas
Sponsor: RJ Young
Why it makes no sense: Bironas didn't really fix much at all.
Rob Bironas made a nice name for himself as the Tennessee Titans kicker. While he may have been an All-Pro in 2007, he doesn't make a very convincing case at being a "copier pro."
Akinori Otsuka's Picnic Is Ruined By Some Uninvited Guests
Athlete: Akinori Otsuka
Sponsor: Corky's Pest Control
Why it makes no sense: Why on earth was Akinori Otsuka ever in a commercial?
Otsuka racked up 39 career saves during his four-year major league career, all of which were recorded after this commercial was made. So once again, why was Akinori Otsuka ever in a commercial?