Fitness equipment has long been used to maximize the efficiency and impact of workouts. Creative experts have filled gyms with their precision machines and gear so that you can work just the right muscles in just the right way. Sometimes, however, these exercise experts make mistakes. Whether motivated by profit or stupidity, their inventions result in a step back for fitness and mankind. Today, we want to salute the infomercial idiocy with The 10 Most Ridiculous Workout Accessories of All Time.
No. 10 - Teeter Hang Ups Gravity boots
The fitness benefits of hanging upside down are … absolutely zero. But if you can't fight the urge to defy gravity, we urge you to lock the door. You don’t want to get robbed, pranked by mischievous roommates, or have a visit from a vengeful ex while you are stupidly stuck in these.
No. 9 - Thighmaster
Even though 1990s MILF du jour Suzanne Somers pitched this thing, we have to say that this device is ridiculous. A Sneaker Report pro tip: if you can do an exercise while sitting on your couch watching TV, it is not an exercise. In this video, some old doctor says he "recommends" and "uses" the Thigh Master. Too bad we can't see his legs. We bet they look great underneath that lab coat.
No. 8 - Tony Little’s Gazelle
In his long and infamous career, Tony Little has produced enough fitness-related garbage to have this entire list to himself. With such inventions as Tony Little’s Cheeks Health Sandals to this atrocity, Little has made a career as a douchey fitness mad scientist. At least mad scientists tend to keep to themselves, chill in their lairs, and avoid sexual harassment.
No. 7 - Euro Plate by Vibraslim
Having the title of "Number One Vibration Machine in the USA and Canada" is about as esteemed an honor as being the number one sports Team in Cleveland. You can’t say that creators of this vibrating plate don’t try though. In this video, they attempt to show you a variety of different workouts, all of which basically amount to putting a body part on the plate and letting it shake. Our personal favorite is the glut workout at 50 seconds.
No. 6 - Treadmill Bike
We feel like someone who uses this machine will almost certainly get into an accident. We feel that such an accident would be deserved.
No. 5 - Dumbbell Drinker
Yes, this thing is ridiculous, but it also introduces a real dilemma. If you get thirsty and drink the liquid in the Dumbbell Drinker, then you are lifting less weight, right? If you don't drink out of it during your work out, why aren't you just using regular dumbbells? That’s why the Dumbbell Drinkers we got for the office are filled with straight vodka ... and to numb the pain of living in a world where such an invention is possible.
No. 4 - Body Blade
The Body Blade is just the next in a long line of “dumb workout equipment that shakes.” While the Blade is certainly just as stupid as the Shake Weight, it is unfortunately less erotic. The good news is that since it is bright yellow, you will notice it from far away, and if you ever see it being used by some sorry soul, you'll be able to keep yourself out of douchey harm’s way.
No. 3 - Face Trainer
Here is a video on how to put on the Face Trainer that is more than two minutes long. At Sneaker Report, we think it is a good idea to never put anything on your face that takes more than … oh … five seconds to explain how to put on. For example, a hat: put it on your head. But if you decide to risk life and limb and use this thing, at least follow the instructions. We feel like your life may depend on it.
No. 2 - Dumbbell Phone
Sometimes the persistent march of technology has its negative effects. Back in the day, you could incorporate your work and workout into one with this amazing invention. But, with the rise of these stupid smartphones, what are you supposed to do? Are you going to walk around with a twenty pound weight in your pocket attached to your iPhone? That would just look stupid.
No. 1 - Osim iGallop
We have our doubts that anyone has actually purchased this machine. It is our belief that it was engineered to produce a series of softcore porn infomercials starring girls in bootie shorts and cowboy hats. But, if you believe a half-hearted version of horseback riding is a great workout, and you are unable to get laid (as the workout has certainly similarities to the motions you go through in the sack) … well, this is the machine for you.