10 Things Movies Have Taught Us About Comas

Learned from: Insidious (2010)

Unexplained coma? Don't worry, it might not be a medical condition at all—you might just be a possessed. This is the case when it comes to little Dalton from Insidious, who falls into a coma randomly one night, with no apparent cause. As it turns out, there actually is no cause, other than that he's been pulled into a spiritual world called "The Further," and his body is being used as a vessel for malevolent ghosts. Which sucks, of course, but it's better than a real coma, isn't it?

While it's unlikely that this would be the case with your average coma, we would suggest making sure both a priest and a doctor are present regardless, just in case. We knew all those hours of watching horror movies would pay off someday!

Learned from: The Vow (2012)

In The Vow, Paige (Rachel McAdams) is in a really cheesy, Nicholas Sparks-esque new marriage with Leo (Channing Tatum)—that is, right until she’s in a car crash that leaves her in a coma. When she wakes up, she can’t remember her husband and thinks she’s still in love with her ex (Scott Speedman), which puts a crack in the foundation of her marriage.

It's all supposed to be tragic, yet we can’t help but think that Paige here might actually be some kind of relationship genius—coma-induced amnesia is an absolute foolproof way to get out of a marriage. Think about it: “Oh, no, honey, it’s not you; it’s the coma. I just can't seem to remember anything except how much you were annoying me last week when you deleted my DVR pass to American Idol. Seriously.”

Try arguing with that one.

Learned from: Coma (1978)

In 1978's Coma, a doctor at a hospital in Boston notices that a bunch of people keep falling into comas after botched surgeries, and she becomes suspicious, understandably. When she does some Nancy Drew-esque sleuthing, the doc comes across the startling conclusion that people are being put into comas so their organs can be harvested.

How's that for a freaky premise? Luckily, though, there's something to take away from it: In addition to having a doctor and a priest present in the event of a coma, also have a bodyguard so no one tries to steal your kidney.

Learned from: Unknown (2011)

Imagine this: You wake up from a coma totally dazed and confused because, well, you've just been in a coma, and you go to your family only to find out that someone has taken your place and no one seems to know the difference. Gigantic conspiracy? Alternate dimension? Cracked-up coma dream? Who knows! If it could happen to Liam Neeson, the most badass of the badasses, it could happen to you.

Learned from: Miss March (2009)

Comas suck, especially the "waking up" part. If you're lucky enough to not experience any muscle atrophy due to lying in one place for so long, you're bound to experience some trouble getting back into the flow of your old life, since you've been chilling in a hospital bed for so long. But, a good thing to keep in mind, is that time changes things; your life, and the people who were involved in it, will probably not be the same.

This means that some of those teenage fantasies you may have had when you were in high school may have already come true. And the beauty of it all is that you didn't have to wait even a minute because you were knocked out the whole time! That's the premise of Miss March, a movie about a guy who wakes up from a four-year coma to find his formerly innocent high school crush is now a Playboy centerfold.

Of course, this could also mean that any of your worst nightmares may have also come true, but we like to look at things with a glass-half-full state of mind.

What we learned: Comas are a great way to survive a zombie attack

We’re not quite sure how this works, but clearly it does since it’s been featured in both 28 Days Later and The Walking Dead. Basically, both scenarios open with a main character who wakes up from a coma to find the world overrun by zombies, though they're without any scratches or injuries.

Which doesn't seem to make sense, since, while comatose, they're essentially sitting ducks for any brain-hungry zombie that might be lurking around. In the event that such a flesh-eater apocalypse happens in real life, be sure to take notes from Kill Bill, Vol. 1, and will away any muscle atrophy with your mind (more on that to come). Fighting zombies with a limp isn't the best way to get to the end of the movie alive.

Learned from: Just Like Heaven (2005)

Now, we have to point out: In order for this method of finding your one true love work, you not only have to be in a coma, but you also have to be able to astral-project yourself to your soulmate's location and follow them around a lot. They’ll get so annoyed by having you around, and also freaked out that they’re talking to a pseudo-ghost, that they’re sure to fall head over heels for you—just like in the 2005 film, Just Like Heaven, where Reese Witherspoon annoys Mark Ruffalo a lot before he realizes she's hot and falls in love with her.

After all, who else would think they're sane after seeing and talking to ghosts? Exactly.

Learned from: Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Muscle atrophy is medically described as a condition where muscle mass decreases due to a lack of use; it's most commonly caused by being in a comatose state, because the body isn't moving for a significant amount of time.

Though it's a physical ailment that sees muscles literally wasting away, Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill: Vol. 1 has taught us that it can be cured with the mind. Screw physical therapy and electrical stimulation—just sit around for fifteen hours and try to wiggle your toe. You'll be strong enough to fight bad guys in no time.

Learned from: While You Were Sleeping (1995)

Is your romantic crush in a life-threatening coma? First of all, that sucks. Secondly, say hello to perfect opportunity! Even if she wakes up without amnesia, you'll have had the whole time that she were comatose to convince her family that you two were dating before the unfortunate accident. When she wakes up, your love interest will just think she has amnesia, and you'll have an in to make her fall in love with you. Think about it: If you're willing to do something like this, then you must be a delightful person.

Hey, it worked for Sandra Bullock in While You Were Sleeping, even though she ends up with the guy's brother at the end of the movie. Whatever, as long as she's happy.

Learned from: The Descendants (2012)

Breaking up is hard to do... But not when you’re in a coma! If there’s anything you need to get off your chest while stuck in a comatose prison, just find a way to get someone else to do it.

Take Elizabeth (Patricia Hastie) in The Descendants, for instance. She was cheating on her husband (played by George Clooney), but he doesn't find out until she's comatose. It's quite shitty that the burden of breaking the news falls on their teenage daughter (Shailene Woodley), sure, but, still, it's difficult to hate on someone for infidelity when they're comatose. Right?