The Harsh Truth: Why Girls Go For Jerks

The Married to the Mob blogger explains why women love bad boys.

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Tabatha McGurr is a Brooklyn bred-writer currently residing in Bed-Stuy with her boo and dog Coco. She's been running to the Married To The Mob blog for the past six years. In her weekly column, she gives Complex readers insight into what today's young women really think about love, sex, and relationships.

I know this might be hard for a lot of good guys to understand, but the classic saying about women loving jerks is true in a lot of cases. Sometimes it’s not even on purpose. There’s just some primal force that attracts us to dudes that are bad for us, no matter how hard we try to find Mr. Right. You would imagine most girls grow out of this after high school, but I know tons of women who suffer from the same poor judgement as adults. As someone that’s been romantically involved with both types, hopefully I can help you understand what causes girls to go crazy for assholes and why nice guys always seem to finish last.


Women are complex creatures, and even though we say we want peace and happiness, our inner drama queen requires more intensity. It’s ironic because marital bliss is what we’re supposed to be looking for in relationships, but then we get there and become so bored we’re forced to create problems just to feel like the flame’s still burning. Sure, a guy who cuddles you to sleep every night and runs to the store to buy you ice cream when you have cramps is amazing, but is that what makes a woman's panties wet? Unfortunately not. Those types of gestures get a girl’s heart pounding at first, but like all things, they lose their luster after a little while, and the more time passes, the more some women overlook those efforts because they’ve grown to expect them. Once the relationship becomes mundane and routine like that, it’s only natural that one party might lose interest. If you don’t try to keep her guessing, she may just wander off looking for some fresh, exciting meat.


It’s incredible how much hotter someone becomes when they’re off the market or seemingly unattainable. Suddenly every girl is in competition to see if they can be the one to break his asshole spell and turn him into a nice guy. The problem with that is: When a dude has girls flocking to him, he’s not about to switch that up to settle down, and him settling down and becoming nice would defeat the whole attraction anyway. The chase feels exciting, and there’s something hot about sexual uncertainty. I definitely ran after my fair share of jerks as a teenager, and it was always in hopes of securing that coveted girlfriend spot for which so many other broads strived. But even if you can get an asshole to be exclusive, he’ll probably end up playing you anyway, and I had to learn that the hard way.


There’s something about getting it on with a person you know is bad for you that just feels hotter. It’s like a forbidden fantasy. Even if you’re with a nice guy who knows how to put it down, it’s less exciting when you know that you’ve got someone in the palm of your hand. It’s not just men who get bored after the initial smash and try to hit and quit it. I have plenty of female friends who suffer from the same need to be constantly stimulated by someone new. One of my homegirls says she can’t stop seeing this guy who drives her crazy simply for the fact that he gives her the best orgasms ever. That’s not the easy to give up. Plus, a lot of women are okay with someone they know will only make them cry because of deep-rooted problems. But whether it’s daddy or abandonment issues, adults have to take control of their own life at some point. If you sleep with an asshole once, shame on him. Sleep with that same asshole twice? Shame on you.


A lot of assholes don’t flaunt their crazy side until they’ve got a woman nice and comfortable, then the pull the rug out from under her and reveal a personality reminiscent of Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Even if there are warning signs with guys like this, so often during those early stages of a relationship, females will be blinded by love and lust and disregard the small stuff. At that point, she’ll probably have already fallen in love and found false security in this person, and that’s the kind of shit that women have a really hard time walking away from, especially when they’ve got their own underlying insecurities.


With all that said, I think the love affair that some women have with jerks is a mainly caused by problems with self-esteem. Flirting or hooking up with bad boys on occasion is inevitable and it’s what makes being a girl fun, but I don’t get women who know full-well who they’re dealing with, get hurt, and then cry about it in the end like they’re surprised. While they may be harder to find, there are still plenty of real ass men in the world who know when to be nice, know when to be firm, and avoid being a total dick or a complete pussy by not falling too much into either extreme. It’s all about finding that balance.

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