How to Tell if It's Time to Let Her Loose

Some misguided soul once uttered a confusing jumble of verbs and nouns that has confused man for centuries: Love conquers all. But, he was wrong. Love cannot conquer all. There are some things even love can't overcome, and here's how to figure out if your relationship is plagued by one of them: How to Tell if It's Time to Let Her Loose.

RELATED: The 10 Reasons You Can't Get a Girlfriend

By Shanté Cosme (@ShanteCosme)

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At the start of your relationship, you two were Velcroed-at-the-hip. You rearranged your schedules so you could spend every free moment together, were happy to do everyday things like grocery shopping together because it meant more time shared, and neglected your friends to the point that they cracked jokes about you two being conjoined twins.

Of course, no couple can maintain that high level of attachment forever (and if they did, it would be called co-dependence). But, if you find yourself seeing her less and less, and are completely fine with it, or worse yet, enjoying your independence more than your time together, it's a serious signal that your interest in the relationship is seriously waning.

Spending time apart is healthy, but if you find yourself in an extended John Waite phase, and you ain't missin' her at all, it might be time to let her go so she can find someone who will.

Adult relationships are nothing like what the movies promised us. They are not filled with dramatic romantic gestures on the daily, and most shocking of all, that crazy-in-love feeling doesn't last forever. Real love has lulls; it's jam-packed with mundane moments. But just because those heart palpitations you regularly experienced when you first met have considerably slowed, doesn't mean your relationship has lost its luster.

A comfortable love is not necessarily a sign of an impending break-up. Instead of gauging your feelings based on excitement (an immature notion), base it on whether you still actually like the person. Being "in love" is a feeling that comes and goes in waves, but you should always like the person you're with.

If you still care about her, but find yourself irritated with every thing she does—from her "quirky" habit of twirling her hair while she talks, to larger personality traits, like the fact that she's not as committed to fitness as you are, or has no interest in culture (or even leaving your apartment)—you may be on your way to parting ways.

The surest sign your relationship stock is plummeting is a lackluster sex life. No, we don't expect every night you hook up to be a five-star romp. In fact, a meh night (or, several!) is completely normal. But, if your sex sessions regularly leave you bored, unaroused, and uninspired, it spells serious trouble for your relationship's future.

Sex drives can wax and wane, but if you can't remember the last time you went wild on each other, it indicates a lack of passion in general. You can have an amazing time together, and truly care for one another, but if you don't lust for each other, and regularly count down the seconds until you see your significant other naked, we have bad news for you—you're not in love, you're just best friends.

Contrary to popular belief, love is not blind. It's just that we initially get so caught up in unimportant particulars, like how her ass looks in jeans or the cute way she scrunches her nose when she smiles, that we overlook the larger, more important issues, like the fact that she hates cities, while you can't see yourself ever leaving Manhattan.

Some differences are easy to overcome, and can even equate to an alluring "opposites attract" chemistry, while others are insurmountable. The difference between the two is how the divergence in question affects your lifestyle. Her vegan lifestyle might be a moot point if she doesn't push her beliefs on you, but if she spends all of her free time campaigning for animal rights, it might become a point of serious contention.

Other things seem insignificant, but become increasingly important over time, like your levels of commitment to your career or self-growth, or your social preferences. You might have been cool with her going out with her friends every night back in college, but if it continues to bother you and inspires frequent fights over time, it points to bigger issues.

Human beings are not placeholders. If you're staying with your woman because you're scared to be alone, or worse yet, until you find someone new, you need to be respectful of their of right to be happy and let them go.

Sometimes it's hard to admit or identify when we're doing this. Maybe you've relegated yourself to the idea that the end is inevitable, but the prospect of life without her seems daunting, so you keep putting "the talk" off. Or maybe you've already been semi-subconsciously seeking out somewhere new to focus your affection.

As Sublime would say, both routes are "the wrong way." Be brave, drop the bomb, and just say no to using your boo as a bookmark.

Things used to be pretty blissful. Sure, you had your share of spats, but you got through the occasional rough spot. But lately, your fights have become a regular spectacle, and even the tiniest misunderstanding can set you off. When you argue, lines are frequently crossed and apologies are rarely doled out. In fact, you barely even care if the issue gets resolved at all.

If you find yourself with a growing insensitivity towards her feelings, it can point to a larger, looming issues that are near impossible to resolve. Disrespect can become slowly ingrained in your actions over time, and once it has burrowed itself into a relationship, it's hard to pluck out. Consider where your flailing respect comes from. Is it based on external issues, like work stress, or does your lack of concern spring from a deeper issue, like the fact that you just no longer care about her? If it's the latter, it's best to let her loose.

Having an occasional fantasy about stripping down a sexy stranger is fine (you're only human, after all) but if you find yourself visually freaking every female who struts down the street, you should question your commitment to the relationship.

Are you engaging in meaningless fun, or is your wandering eye a symptom of a greater issue? If you have zero intention of acting on your desires, it's likely not worth worrying about, but if you're increasingly tempted to take your imaginings from fantasy to reality, or find yourself actively reminiscing about your single days, and yearning to sleep with someone new, your relationship is likely met its expiration date.

And don't even get us started on cheating! If you're already off having sex with other people, break up with her. Like, yesterday. You can have sex with whoever you want, or be in a committed relationship. You don't get to do both. Sorry, buddy!

If she's talking about taking the next step, whether it be moving in, getting engaged, or getting married, and you feel a shudder travel up your spine, it's a warning sign you shouldn't write off.

Everyone experiences commitment issues from time to time, and even as adults, taking a relationship to the next level is a scary moment. It means losing your freedom to some degree, taking a chance, and yeah, it kind of makes you feel old. But once you get over those (completely normal) hesitations, the lingering feeling should be excitement. You're growing as a couple and as a person, that's something to celebrate!

But, if talks of deepening commitment feel less like a celebration and more like a funeral, chances are, you're not with the right person. Instead of encouraging her dreams of forever, you should call things off.

Sometimes the most difficult part of saying goodbye to a relationship is acknowledging that all of the effort you put into making things work won't ever pay off.

Relationships at their core are an elaborate set of compromises. She likes to spend Saturdays browsing art galleries, you'd rather play Mass Effect—you try to make time for both. Sometimes your differences result in a continual clash that makes compromise difficult and soon graduates to a major issue.

Some (usually smaller) issues can be resolved, while others serve as stumbling blocks you either learn to deal with, or lose the relationship over. Sometimes we trick ourselves into thinking we've accepted certain things—a lack of trust, a difference of values, the fact that she never calls when she's out with her friends—when in truth, the issue is eating us alive. Those issues are deal breakers. If you make every attempt to overcome them together, and fail, you might consider cashing in your chips and leaving the table. Not every hand is a winner.

Listen up, and listen hard: If you're staying in your relationship for any reason other than really loving the person you're with, please exit immediately. Too often, people put off pulling the plug for external circumstances that have zero to do with their feelings for the person their dating. If you're clinging to any of these excuses for staying, it's time to let her go, without question:

Stop making excuses! If you're not in love, you need to suck it up, quit hesitating, and break the news already. Yes, it will be uncomfortable. There might even be tears involved. But at the end of the day, the kindest thing you can do to someone you once loved is be honest with them.