Image via Complex Original
A crowded train is among the most challenging places to meet a woman. It also happens to be the one place you regularly find yourself an arms-length away from a gorgeous woman, and at a loss for words.
Don’t let an opportunity turn into another missed connection. Here, we offer a list of do's and don'ts the navigate you through the difficult (but not impossible!) task of meeting girls on the subway.
By Shanté Cosme (@ShanteCosme)
Smell good.
Have respect for the fact that you're in close quarters. You want her first whiff impression of you to be a pleasant one. Also, you don’t want to be mistaken for a bum and leave with a dollar instead of her number.
Scan for clues for conversation starters.
Engaging a woman on the subway requires a little detective work. A cold opening like "Hi!" works in a bar, but on a subway, you have to hold her attention by actually being interesting.
Inconspicuously scan her person: Is she holding a gym bag with boxing gloves sticking out, or holding a yoga mat? Say, "I've been looking for a new yoga studio. Where do you go?" Is she reading Harper's? Mention how Obama killed it in this week's debate, or ask if she's seen the latest incarnation of Romney's "binders full of women."
When in doubt, make jokes about other passengers or rank on the MTA’s general inefficiency. Bonding over shared rage is so special.
Read her body language.
See the woman above? She doesn't want to be approached. This is clear because she's emitting every "do not fuck with me" signal possible:
- Her headphones: She wears them so she can not-so-subtly ignore people when they attempt to speak to her. If you ask her a question, she'll likely shake her head and point to her headphones.
- Her sunglasses: Last time she was on the train, a guy who thought he was making "flirty eye contact" was actually just grilling her for ten straight minutes. They are her defense against the aggressive retinas of strangers.
- Her cell phone: She might just be hitting random letters and numbers for all you know. The point is that by appearing engaged, she is discouraging the approach of strangers.
Pay attention to her body language, both before and during your attempt to connect with her. Pick up on subtle clues of disinterest, like answering your questions in one-word answers. You'll avoid making her uncomfortable, and save yourself the time and energy.
Don't touch her. Ever.
If your fingers "accidentally" meet while you're holding the subway pole, she won’t see it as romantic. She'll be creeped out, and likely recoil in disgust. Subways generally entail being too close for comfort with too many strange humans; don't be an even stranger human and disrespect her personal space. Yes, this includes hot-boxing her into that awkward vertical corner seat on the subway.
If you want to make an approach, do it from a non-threatening distance. The key here is to make her feel comfortable, not harassed.
Don't ask her where she's heading.
Seriously. That's on some serial killer tip. Her immediate thoughts will be that you're planning to follow her and she should probably move to the next train car.
Don't ask her about what she's reading.
Realize that when you ask this way, you’re not doing anything novel. At a minimum, you're the tenth dude that has asked her the same question. That day.
Don't take this route unless you have actually read the book in question yourself. Or, have read another title by the author. Or, at the very least, are reasonably well read and can participate in a thoughtful discussion. If you're going to stumble through the conversation, it's not going to work in your favor. Even if you manage to make it through somehow, she'll eventually ask you what you've read lately. At which point, you'll mumble something about how To Kill a Mockingbird was the last full book you read, and it will be awkward. Save yourself the embarrassment.
Don't compliment her appearance.
Just like that completely unoriginal inquiry of, "What ya reading?" tossing out an unprovoked compliment in her direction will likely be met with an eye roll, not a phone number.
Help her with directions.
Women grilling the subway map are easy to approach, mostly because she actually needs your help. In every other situation, you're approaching her for selfish reasons. But in this case, you'll come off as helpful and friendly, rather than thirsty. Ask her, "Do you need help finding out how to get to where you're heading?" Give her good directions, and take the conversation from there.
Believe it or not, this works just as well if you're asking for directions, even if you're not lost. Feign confusion about how to get to your destination, and most women would be happy to help. It gives her an excuse to flex her subway navigation chops, and it gives you an actual reason to speak to her.
Establish a connection over time.
You know that thick brunette you see every morning on the R train. You know what stop she gets on at, and how she tries to balance her coffee with her three bags every morning while reading a book at the same time. She's your train crush. We all have one.
This isn't the girl you pull all the stops on, or ask for her number after one conversation. This is the girl you gradually woo over time. You have short, friendly chats every morning, and slowly start to develop a rapport. This is the ideal scenario because you can actually come off as friendly and cool, rather than a creepy possible rapist, which is most women's default judgement for strangers. Sorry, it's true.
Don't take it personally if you get shut down.
Even if you do everything right, sometimes it's not fate, but the environment, that's working against you.
If she's not in the mood to talk or be social, it could be because she hasn't had her cup of coffee yet, or is heading home after a particularly stressful day at work. Or, it could be because she's rubbing shoulders with sixty strangers, her feet hurt, and she's had to pee since five stops ago.
Much of the success of the elusive subway pick-up is owed to timing.
