The 50 Coolest Fictional Bars

Image via Complex Original

First Appeared: Road House (1989)
Notable Patrons: Dalton, Wade Garrett
Signature Drink: Revenge

The Double Deuce is a magical place where two of the best "coolers" in the game stand up to the local tyrant of a small Missouri town. Two generations of steamy dude-bouncers (Sam Elliott and his gifted apprentice, Patrick Swayze) dish out bone-breaking ultra-violence so that the locals can sip their Buds without worrying about any more murders or monster trucks or prison sex. Fairly certain this tale is originally one of Aesop's fables.

First Appeared: Pinocchio (1940)
Notable Patrons: Lampwick, Pinocchio
Signature Drink: Beer

Pleasure Island sounds like a bar you'd go to on spring break. And just like spring break, there are consequences. Rather than spending the night in a Mexican jail or being forever immortalized in the outtakes of a Girls Gone Wild DVD, these kids get turned into donkeys. Yeah, the symbolism isn't all that deep, but if we were delinquent kids in 1940, it would have set us straight. But, hey, they had fun until the Man went all Bottom the Weaver on their ass.

First Appeared: "Telethon," Parks and Recreation (2010)
Notable Patrons: Tom Haverford, Jean Ralphio
Signature Drink: Sweetum's Fizz, Snake Juice

The Snakehole Lounge may be only unofficially the world's dopest club, but it is so very officially Pawnee's sickest nightspot. Fueled in large part by the investing team and multimedia entertainment production conglomerate of Jean Ralphio and Tom Haverford, this is the only club in the country serving drinks with snake juice, "a delicious blend of many kinds of alcohol, coffee, sugar, and ingredients." It is THE destination with THE drink for blacking out in Pawnee, Indiana.

First Appeared: Animal House (1978)
Notable Patrons: Otis Day and the Knights (definitely not the Deltas)
Signature Drink: Beer

The boys of the Delta House and their dates from Emily Dickinson College get a firm lesson in race relations at the Dexter Lake Club, an Oregon spot that does technically exist. The real life Dexter Lake Club has been home to a series of struggling diners, a far cry from the hip soul music joint that appears in the film. The architecture may be real, the coolness, though, entirely fictional.

First Appeared: "Target: 2006," Transformers #82 (1986)
Notable Patrons: Autobots, Neutralists, Decepticons
Signature Drink: Oil

This spot is not only dope, it's also multiethnic. Autobots, Neutralists, and Decepticons are all welcome to lamp here. Refreshing, really. Some say it remains peaceful because Maccadam's is located at the nexus of numerous realities, but we say, with entertainment provided by a Harpsichord Transformer, how could you have any thoughts except "Make love not war"?

First Appeared: "Death Has a Shadow," Family Guy (1999)
Notable Patrons: Peter, Cleveland, Quagmire, Joe, Brian
Signature Drink: Pawtucket Patriot

The Drunken Clam has been a mainstay in Quahog for at least as long as Peter has been drinking there. It's gone through a few facelifts, briefly turning into a British pub after it burned to the ground, and a karaoke bar to compete with the new mall, but it functions primarily as one more place for the Family Guy crew to say the most consistently ridiculous things uttered on TV. And then have those things animated.

First Appeared: "Playaz Club," Rappin' 4-Tay (1994)
Notable Patrons: You, Fly, Franky J
Signature Drink: Champagne

Shoeless feet are necessary at the Playaz Club, where membership is based on clout. In painting the scene, Rappin' 4-Tay raps about "wiggling his toes on a mink rug," the O.G.'s equivalent to clinking ruby slippers together to return home. Get the toes twinkling in fur, and a true player will be transported to a place with bubbly and body rubs, dominoes and women. Not hoes. That wouldn't be smooth enough.

First Appeared: Jackie Brown (1997)
Notable Patrons: Jackie Brown
Signature Drink: Screwdriver

There is a Cockatoo Inn, and it has a sordid history. That said, a place takes on an entirely different sort of (fictional) grit when Tarantino fills it with his cameras and dialogue. Jackie and Ordell exchange subtext-heavy quotables within the chintzy confines of this groovy lounge. This is where the fiction becomes important. One way of thinking about Tarantino's project is that he elevates forgotten kitsch to the level of art while reveling in the icky, sticky muck of the past. Thus, a craptastic cocktail lounge can become meaningful with well-crafted words and shots.

First Appeared: Grimjack #2 (1984)
Notable Patrons: John Gaunt, James Twilley, Harry Martin, Bob
Signature Drink: "Booooz"

Every sword-for-hire, ex-paramilitary, war veteran, and ex-child gladiator needs a bar in a pan-dimensional city to which other dimensions connect to operate from, and for Grimjack (of Grimjack) that's Munden's. All your friends are there: Bob, the watch-lizard; Harry Martin, who was rescued from the evil brothel, The House of Lillith; and Skorzy, a slug alien humanoid with a heart of gold (kidding about that last part, mostly). Tripping balls through time and in need of a lighthearted spot to drink among nightmarish characters who just want to be your friend? Munden's is the place.

First Appeared: "Pilot," Northern Exposure (1990)
Notable Patrons: Holling, Maurice, Fleischman, Maggie, Chris, Shelly
Signature Drink: Beer, whiskey

We all wish we had that wise neighborhood bartender to give us advice over a few rounds, and the wisest of them all is Holling Vincoeur. A mountain man, yet descended from nobility, a tough mother with a sweet singing voice, Holling is the bartender to beat all bartenders. Even a neurotic like Dr. Fleischman could be soothed by Holling’s dulcet tones. We’d fly through the bush to the most remote of Alaskan locales to have a round at the Brick.

First Appeared: Withnail and I (1987)
Notable Patrons: Withnail, Jake
Signature Drink: Scotch

The watering hole for the struggling actors and drunks of Camden who while away the hours quoting Hamlet and putting drinks on tabs that shouldn't exist in such a crummy, untrustworthy world. There are few places better to overhear some of the most confusing and hilarious quotes ever put to film. Just be sure your tolerance for British comedy is high.

First Appeared: The Canterbury Tales, Geoffrey Chaucer (late 14th century)
Notable Patrons: Knight, Squire, Yeoman, Prioress, Monk, Friar, Merchant, Clerk, Man of Law, Franklin, Haberdasher, Carpenter, Weaver, Dyer, Tapestry-Weaver, Cook, Shipman, Physician, Wife, Parson, Plowman, Miller, Manciple, Reeve, Summoner, Pardoner, and Host
Signature Drink: Beer

A Knight, a Friar, a Cook, and 27 other guys walk into a bar—who hasn't heard that one before? But no, this is the beginning of The Canterbury Tales and the Tabard Inn is the bar everyone goes to before they make their long-ass way down the road. According to historians, Canterbury was a relatively easy pilgrimage, so getting blitzed beforehand added a degree of difficulty for the more badass pilgrims. Must have been a good time.

First Appeared: "Love's Labours Lost in Space," Futurama (1999)
Notable Patrons: Fry, Leela, Amy, Bender
Signature Drink: Martini cloud

While only used in episodes about dating, the Hip Joint is a perfect backdrop for commentary on the young and amorous, something real Futurama fans can tell you is one of the show's most surprising strengths. Plus, you can order a martini cloud here that will rain into your glass. The view of the galaxy isn't bad either.

First Appeared: Beauty and the Beast (1991)
Notable Patrons: Gaston, Lafoo
Signature Drink: Beer

Sure, no one fights like Gaston, but also no one omits the name of the bar they're conducting their intricate production number in like Gaston. We wish we knew the name, because we would totally hang out here. Three fine, identical singing barmaids, dozens of eggs just lying around for the taking, and all that taxidermy. Bawse.

First Appeared: The Lady in the Lake, Raymond Chandler (1943)
Notable Patrons: Adrienne Fromsett, Brownwell
Signature Drink: Whatever you can best throw in someone's face

Nestled on Vine, Levy's pops up in Philip Marlowe's L.A. a couple times, part of the unseemly network of places to talk murder. In The Lady in the Lake, two characters meet at Levy's to discuss the possibility of someone being knocked off, a conversation tipped off when one gent asks another if he can remember "the babe who threw the drink in his face." In Chandler's noir, everyone is one second from a drink in the face, or a bullet in the back.

First Appeared: Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson (1883)
Notable Patrons: Jim Hawkins, Billy Bones
Signature Drink: Rum

Without the classic coming-of-age tale from the author who also gave us Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde, we wouldn't have so many of the tropes we take for granted when performing pirate culture at Halloween or during midnight screenings of Pirates of the Caribbean. Peg-legs, parrots perching on shoulders, treasure maps—you can trace their popularity to Treasure Island, a tale that begins in that time-worn fashion: man with a secret walks into a bar. In the case of Stevenson's yarn, the bar is the Admiral Benbow Inn, and the pirate is Billy Bones. It only grows saltier from there.

First Appeared: Our Mutual Friend, Charles Dickens (1864)
Notable Patrons: Gaffer Hexamn, Roger "Rogue" Riderhood, Miss Abbey Potterson
Signature Drink: Beer

This bar is frequented by a bunch of guys who fish dead bodies out of the water and steal valuables from the corpses. We're guessing not the happiest bunch. That's the tone of Our Mutual Friend though, the theme of which was described by critic J. Hillis Miller as "money, money, money, and what money can make of life." Given all the death and betrayal, we think Puffy more aptly summed up the proceedings with "Mo' money, mo’ problems.” More than any other spot on the list, the Six Jolly Fellowship Porters keeps it real.

First Appeared: Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
Notable Patrons: Marvin Acme, Eddie Valiant
Signature Drink: Whiskey on the rocks

One of the most 'toon friendly bars you are likely to see, the Ink and Paint Club is made to resemble the Cotton Club in Harlem. Here, patrons can melt their brains and excite their genitals watching Jessica Rabbit perform her steamy version of "Why Don't You Do Right?" Legs get slapped and eyes bug out of heads because Disney chose to not animate erections.

First Appeared: Mean Streets (1973)
Notable Patrons: Charlie, Johnny Boy, Tony, Michael
Signature Drink: Whiskey

When things turn to shit, there's solace in friends and a drink. Except when your friends are bringing you down. And you're suffering from a deeply-seated case of Catholic guilt that's got you testing the fires of hell against your palm with church candles. And Vietnam has cracked up everything. And your reckless friend is a fuckwad who owes money to everyone but would rather blow up mail boxes than dig for loose change. And you've got a thing for the attractive dancer at the bar but you're too chickenshit to take her out because she's black. And the girl you're actually seeing has epilepsy. And also happens to be the fuckwad's cousin. And hey, where's that drink? Your name is Charlie, and you're trying to get so drunk that you can't feel anything. Italian America got you down? Volpe's is waiting for you. We're all sinners here, there, and everywhere.

First Appeared: The Iceman Cometh, Eugene O'Neill (1940)
Notable Patrons: Harry, Larry Slade, Perrit, Hickey, Joe Mott, Cecil Lewis, Hugo Kalmar, Chuck Morello, Pearl, Margie
Signature Drink: Whiskey

Harry Hope’s, where the men are hopeless alcoholics and the women are prostitutes—doesn’t exactly seem like a hopping joint, does it? A bit of a downer, actually. But sometimes it's not the spot itself but what the spot makes us consider that makes it cool. Though the play is one bummer after another, ideally the viewer is left with a new sense of self-awareness, which, if attained, is pretty cool. Thanks, art! Thanks, Eugene!

First Appeared: "O'Malley's Bar," Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds (1996)
Notable Patrons: O'Malley, O'Malley's wife, Siobhan O'Malley, Caffrey, Mr. and Mrs. Richard Holmes, Mr. Brookes, Jerry Bellows, Henry Davenport, Kathleen Carpenter, Vincent West
Signature Drink: Blood

Ordering a drink in a bar described by that preacher of blackly comic gloom, Nick Cave, is asking for something bad to happen. But you're inclined to do it anyway; you'll make such great material in a song when one of Cave's Browning-esque narrators makes your "blood [spill] across the bar like a steaming scarlet brook." Which is exactly what happens when the handsome protagonist of "O'Malley's Bar" lights up the establishment for no reason other than that he can.

First Appeared: The Pale King, David Foster Wallace (2011)
Notable Patrons: Meredith Rand, Shane Drinion
Signature Drink: Gin and tonic

First, something that must be said: The Pale King should have been awarded the Pulitzer in 2012. The novel is just as "complete" as Infinite Jest. It's power is undeniable; if you've ever felt boredom and dread simultaneously about your station in life, this novel will make you squirm. End of rant.

Meibeyer's, of the neon and blinking trilby sign, of the famous Happy Hour, is frequented by many of the employees of the IRS office in Peoria, Indiana, that is the center of Wallace's last work. The details of the watering hole are simultaneously punishing, unnecessary, and captivating. It is here, in a place familiar to anyone who has drank in a boring bar, that one of the novel's most memorable scenes occurs, during a transcendent conversation between Meredith Rand and Shane Drinion. Boredom is the subject, the product, and maybe the solution. To say anymore would be foolish. You just have to read.

First Appeared: "The Child," Star Trek: The Next Generation (1988)
Notable Patrons: The Crew of the Starship Enterprise
Signature Drink: Alcoholic and Synthetic Drinks

10 Forward is where Picard and company like to get buck wild. They serve both alcoholic and synthetic beverages in here, so you know it's crazy. Like any good spot, 10 Forward is versatile; the bar has hosted all sorts of gatherings including diplomatic conferences, change of command ceremonies, and poetry readings (that's right, and if you are the kind of person who likes to read 10 Forward inspired fan fiction and poetry, check this out!) Fun fact: the weird-ass multi-level chess they play here was actually inspired by those last moments before alcohol poisoning sets in.

First Appeared: The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien (1937)
Notable Patrons: Frodo, Sam
Signature Drink: Half pints of ale

If there's one thing Hobbits are good at—besides eating, of course—it's drinking. No butterbeer here, just good-old alcohol! This is the mainstay of Frodo and Sam, where they throw 'em back and talk about whatever the hell Hobbits talk about: destroying the ring; potatoes; missing Smeagol. If you can fit comfortably through the door, you're in for an epic night.

First Appeared: "Sin City," Dark Horse Presents: 5th Anniversary Special (1991)
Notable Patrons: Dwight McCarthy, Marv
Signature Drink: Beer and a shot

The main bar in Sin City manages to be one of the safest places within the city limits. Perhaps it's because it's also a strip club where Nancy Callahan dances, bringing out the chivalrous side in Marv, who could put holes through anything fleshy that wanted to start trouble (and he wouldn't need a gun). No other bar can boast the services of such an imposing bouncer, and at such a low cost.

First Appeared: The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Douglas Adams (1980)
Notable Patrons: Time Travellers, Hitchhikers, Paranoid Androids
Signature Drink: Gee-N-NT'N-ix, Jinond-o-nicks, Jynnantonnyx, or any one of a thousand variations on the same phonetic theme

We thought the restaurants in SoHo were exclusive, but even the most elite spots can't hold a candle to Milliway's. You see, the only ways to get in are a) time travel and b) extreme patience, both of which are hard for New Yorkers. The wait is worth it, however, as the sick-ass view offers a glimpse of the end of the universe. The spot's also low-cost, as all you have to do is deposit one penny in the bank when you return to your time of origin, due to the mad interest you will accrue in the interim.

First Appeared: "Piano Man," Billy Joel (1973)
Notable Patrons: John, the Waitress, Paul, Davey, Bill
Signature Drink: Loneliness

"Piano Man" must hold the title for song about a fictional bar sung most often in real bars. This place is full of some sad, sad bastards. But who hasn’t gone to bar to drown their sorrows? We have no idea what a real estate novelist is, but we do know that misery loves company. Next time our ladies leave us, or we find ourselves unemployed, we’re heading here.

First Appeared: "The Moon Under Water," George Orwell (1946)
Notable Patrons: Regulars, waitresses who call everyone "dear"
Signature Drink: Draught stout

For someone as creative as George Orwell, it is hard to believe that his ideal bar, as described in an essay for the Evening Standard, was this normal, offering the "solid, comfortable ugliness of the nineteenth century." Coming from the man who wrote 1984 and Animal Farm, you'd expect more symbolism, maybe one dystopian metaphor in there somewhere. But, no, he simply provides a brief list of his ideal qualities in a bar. And you know what? It sounds really nice. Respect.

First Appeared: "Traces to Nowhere," Twin Peaks (1990)
Notable Patrons: Cooper, Harry, James, Pete Martel
Signature Drink: Mug of beer, peanuts back

Like all things in Twin Peaks, the Bang Bang Bar is not quite what it seems. Over the course of the show, it becomes home to abductions, musical numbers, hosts the Twin Peaks contest, and sets the scene for one of the most important of Agent Cooper's spiritual visions. It's also a great place to go dancing with your sweetheart.

First Appeared: "Give Me a Ring Sometime," Cheers (1982)
Notable Patrons: Norm Peterson, Cliff Clavin, Frasier Crane, Lilith Sternin
Signature Drink: Carla's cocktails

Inevitably someone in your life will compare a relationship they have with a restaurant, or bar, or vending machine, as being like that of Norm and Cheers. It's an unavoidable fact of being alive that most likely stems from the fact that Cheers is nothing like a real bar at all. The bartenders never seem to do any real work, or have any anxiety about their station in the world; no one ever vomits or becomes anything but hilariously eccentric after their ninth beer; and no tragedy ever makes its way into the bar except as plot fodder. Cheers is a pillowy purgatory, disembodied from the real pricks and pleasures of a real bar. Which makes it ideal, in the same way that Heaven is ideal.

First Appeared: "46 Long," The Sopranos (1999)
Notable Patrons: Tony Soprano, Ralph Cifaretto, Paulie Walnuts
Signature Drink: Body shots of tequila

David Chase was right to choose "Bada Bing" as the name of the strip club owned by Silvio Dante on The Sopranos. Not only is it a nod to The Godfather, the serious mob film all other serious mob films aspire to, it is a vast improvement on Wiggles, which was the inspiration for the topless bar where the plans for so many whackings are laid. From Big Pussy to Richie Aprile, the deaths of all your favorite characters were plotted here, amidst the silicon and glitz. The perfect training ground for a boss.

First Appeared: Unforgiven (1992)
Notable Patrons: William Munny, Little Bill Daggett
Signature Drink: Jonathan Collier Whiskey

"Who's the fella that owns this shit-hole?" Clint! Don't be so harsh! Greely's is a fine establishment run by a man with a remarkable sense of business (and all the insensitivity that brings), and featuring a group of prostitutes commanded by as strong a female character as genre permits. It's a fine place to have a whiskey while it rains. However, avoid the temptation of sex and beer on nights when William Munny comes calling. He just kills everything.

First Appeared: Neuromancer, William Gibson (1984)
Notable Patrons: Ratz, Case
Signature Drink: Beer

A clamorous gathering of hackers and forgotten criminals gather in Chatsubo, the expat bar run by the metal-toothed strong-arm Ratz. If you're in Japan and you need to hear the familiar slurs of your mother tongue, or just slip off the radar and quell the loud static of your mycotoxin addiction, this is as good as it gets. Not many trustworthy faces here, but it's all most of these folks have to cling to. No one said this cyperpunk thing would be easy.

First Appeared: The Blues Brothers (1980)
Notable Patrons: A bunch of rednecks, Bob
Signature Drink: Beer (to be thrown at the band)

Which came first, the chicken wire or the bottle throwing? It's an age-old question for Blues Brothers fans. Did Bunker Bob erect the chicken wire wall because of how many beer bottles were thrown at bands that dared to play non-country songs, or was the wire fencing installed in anticipation of bottles yet to be thrown? Regardless, it's an awesome set-up as long as you like both types of music, country and western.

First Appeared: Harlem Nights (1989)
Notable Patrons: Tommy Smalls, Dominique LaRue
Signature Drink: Bootleg liquor

During Prohibition, who would you want running your regular speakeasy but the father-and-son duo of Sugar Ray and Quick (played by Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy, respectively)? Club Sugar Ray, famous Uptown and beyond, was the spot for illegal drinking, gambling, and prostituting. Gentlemen must wear white tuxes, and something thoroughly modern for the ladies. But, like so many other great fictional bars, come prepared to hit the deck if the guns go off.

First Appeared: "Dead Soldiers" The Wire (2004)
Notable Patrons: Bunk, Jimmy McNulty, Lester Freamon
Signature Drink: Jameson

As a cop in one of the meanest cities on the East Coast, you're more than likely to have a drinking problem (or solution). The Wire's real po-lice will drink anywhere, but you can bet your ass if the drinks are being poured for a momentous occasion, they're being poured at Kavanagh's. You can't always drink by the tracks.

First Appeared: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, J.K. Rowling (1998)
Notable Patrons: Hagrid, Snape, Dumbledore's Army
Signature Drink: Butterbeer

One of the few places within the Harry Potter world where you can order one too many butterbeers and no one will give you a second look, the Hog's Head isn't the classiest spot. You wouldn't really want your to host your Hogwarts class reunion after-party here, at this dingy inn, home to a bunch sketchy enough to make Mos Eisley drinkers clutch their wallets. But it was here that the prophecy of Harry Potter was given, and for that it will always be a part of history.

First Appeared: Total Recall (1990)
Notable Patrons: Doug Quaid, Melina
Signature Drink: Neon shit

If you're looking to get your freak on with some freaks, or just girls with really big perms, the Last Resort is your kind of joint. Home of third nipples and all your favorite facial deformities, as well as an impressive stock of neon liquids, the Last Resort should be your first resort when you're looking for the kind of folk who deal with the nitty-gritty truth behind your recalled identity.

First Appeared: From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
Notable Patrons: Santanico Pandemonium, Razor Charlie, Chet Pussy
Signature Drink: Beer (suckled from between the big toe and second toe of Santanico's right foot)

It's covered in neon, has a sweet mariachi-style house band (Tito and the Tarantula, a non-fictional act), and sits on what might be a cursed Aztec temple, but most importantly, it's the only bar in the world where you can take a drink off of Salma Hayek's leg. Sure, you'll be beset on all sides by danger and bad dialogue, but it's worth it for that striptease. [Ed. Note—Everyone's going to die here.]

First Appeared: "The Boys Are Back in Town," Thin Lizzy (1976)
Notable Patrons: The Boys
Signature Drink: The Drink

Yes, until we gave this one another listen, we also thought that the only lyrics to this song were "The boys are back in town.” Though their needs are simple, the boys at Dino's Bar and Grill are looking to have a good time. “Drink will flow and blood will spill”—this spot isn’t for the faint of heart, but if you go, it should be a good time causing big trouble. Guitar solo!

First Appeared: Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Notable Patrons: Shaun, Ed, Snake Hips, Big Al
Signature Drink: Pints and flaming shots

One of the bars on this list that might remind you of your local haunt: The Winchester is full of day drunks, run by alleged North London mafia, serenaded by a desperately out of date jukebox, full of weird-sounding bar snacks, and well, a surprisingly good stronghold against an army of the undead.

First Appeared: Winner Take Nothing, Ernest Hemingway (1933)
Notable Patrons: Old Waiter, Young Waiter, and Old Man
Signature Drink: Brandy

One of the greatest short stories ever written is set in a bar (well, cafe but everyone is drinking, so let's not split hairs). Hemingway takes to task three generations of drinkers in a dreamy cafe, letting their conflicting fears and philosophies collide. Pitch perfect in its dealing with the loneliness at the bottom of the human condition, "A Clean, Well-Lighted Place" is canonical for all the right reasons. Also, "our daily nada," from Hemingway's dismantling of the Lord's Prayer at the story's end, would make a sweet name for a bar. Somebody get on that.

First Appeared: The Shining, Stephen King (1977)
Notable Patrons: Jack Torrance
Signature Drink: Jack Daniels

Going crazy from being stranded with Olive Oyl, and with cramping hands from writing 400 pages of really solid work on his manuscript, Jack Torrance finds his reward in the Gold Room. Here in the cavernous ballroom stands the bartender of his dreams. Motionless, surrounded in white light, and he doesn't even charge for drinks. "Best goddamn bartender from Timbuktu to Portland, Maine. Or Portland, Oregon, for that matter." What could go wrong?

First Appeared: "The Gang Gets Racist," It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
Notable Patrons: Homeless, Artemis, Rickety Cricket
Signature Drink: Beer

Paddy's: a bar that surprises the world every day it opens its doors. It may have something to do with the fact that the people running the joint are narcissistic, underachieving, alcoholic, petty-schemers who don't seem all that interested in running a bar (and Charlie is illiterate, so there's that, too). That said, who wouldn't want to hunt rats in the basement with Charlie, do dangerous stunts with Mac, learn the D.E.N.N.I.S. method, or help Dee get her cat out of the wall?

First Appeared: Henry IV, Part 1, William Shakespeare (late 1590s)
Notable Patrons: Falstaff, Prince Hal, Poins, Bardolph, Peto
Signature Drink: Sack (sweet wine), ale

If you're looking to shirk your responsibilities as the heir to the English throne, there's no better place than the Boar's Head Tavern, home to Sir John Falstaff, one the greatest hedonists in all of literature. A jovial preacher of moral ambiguity and the pleasure of putting one's life before all else, Falstaff posts up here, damn near sick on sack, and trades witticisms with Prince Hal on the regular. It's all a bit of a ruse though, as Hal announces early in the play: He only rubs elbows with rascals like John so his inevitable reign will seem all the greater—a heroic slacker strategy if ever there was one.

First Appeared: "Deadwood," Deadwood (2004)
Notable Patrons: Dan Dority, Johnny Burns, Silas Adams
Signature Drink: Whiskey

If there were a more rugged bar on this list, the Gem would shake its hand, slit its throat, pour grain alcohol over it, and light it on fire. Back in the days when there were two drinks—whiskey and water—and there was a whole lot more going on behind the scenes than house-made bitters, there was the Gem, a bar brought vividly to life by David Milch and company. Modeled after its historic counterpart in South Dakota, the Gem housed a fine bunch of scoundrels, providing them with a place for hooking, fighting, dancing, gambling, sleeping, and cheating of every conceivable variety—the very principles this country was founded upon. They also happen to be the pastimes of local tyrant and legendary pimp Al Swearengen, played with ferocious intelligence by Ian McShane. Sure, there might've been a real Gem, but the one created by the writers and actors involved with the HBO masterpiece is wholly theirs, a wonderful fiction where lowlifes deliver soliloquies whilst getting head, and profanity takes on a poetic dimension Shakespeare would've approved of.

First Appeared: A Clockwork Orange, Anthony Burgess (1962)
Notable Patrons: Alex, Dim, Georgie, Pete
Signature Drink: Milk

Though drug-laced milk that pours from the breasts of mannequin nipples might be a bit on the nose, this droog-filled corner of chilly paradise is one of the most unique re-imaginings of a bar ever written (and subsequently put to celluloid). Equal parts '60s mod and foreign future, Korova is a nightmare of childhood desire, all things safe revealed to be anything but.

First Appeared: Star Wars (1977)
Notable Patrons: Scum, Villainy, Jazz musicians
Signature Drink: Bright orange, in a near-white cup

One of the most dangerous bars in the galaxy, Mos Eisley is home to a mean, well, whatever they pour, it's mean. Still, if you want to prove you can hang with scum and villainy's greatest hits, this is your joint. No jukebox, just a surprisingly avant-garde jazz group that plays sets in between murders. Keep in mind, no droids are allowed inside. Might seem close-minded now, but then again, it was a long time ago.

First Appeared: Casablanca (1942)
Notable Patrons: Elsa, Victor Laslo, Captain Renault, Nazi scum
Signature Drink: Champagne and Brandy

There's no telling how many people dreamt of opening a bar before Casablanca was made, but from the second "As Time Goes By" pours through Rick's Café Américain, lacquering a coat of glory over every surface, untold sentimentalists decided to get into the booze business. Rick's isn't just a bar with everyday patrons—the majority of the customers are facing decisions that will permanently alter the rest of their lives. Refugees from across the war-torn world wash up in Morocco, and Rick's is both the place to forget and face their troubles. In the end it becomes the backdrop for love, patriotism, and ultimate sacrifice. A legendary respite and gin joint for the most honorable of vagabonds.

First Appeared: "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire," The Simpsons (1989)
Notable Patrons: Barney Gumble, Carl Carlson, Homer Simpson
Signature Drink: Flaming Moe

Easily the most recognizable landmark in all of Springfield (which, according to Matt Groening, is in Oregon), Moe's Tavern is the home of the most lovable alcoholics to ever fall asleep at the bar or on the toilet. It's been a gay bar (Mo's), a family-friendly eatery (Uncle Moe's Feed-Bag), a British pub (The Nag and the Weasel), and a celebrity hot-spot (The Whiskey-a-Moe-Moe). Moe's office is located in the otherwise abandoned ladies room, and there's a safe house behind the bar that's occasionally overrun by raccoons. Behind it all is everyone's favorite misanthropic cheapskate, observing his handful of customers day in and day out. And god bless him for it.