Image via Complex Original
The word "ratchet" may be played out, but until the Internet agrees upon a more accurate description for these crimes, it will have to do. These stories are sad, imaginative, and they inspire us to have conversations about race, class, and the American dream.
This week's roundup includes another cocaine-smuggling attempt, a crackhead couple trapped in the closet, and a middle school teacher who gave her students pot. Each crime is rated on our Ratchet Meter, a base-10 logarithmic scale modeled after a similar system developed by Charles Richter—except that the Ratchet Meter has nothing to do with science because it's not actually a real thing.
Read on for the best of the worst ratchet crimes in America. Proceed with caution, stay safe, don't try this at home, and send your tips to [email protected].
And for your viewing pleasure, here's the Ratchet News Network with The Kid Mero:
RNN: Ratchet News Network
Man Fails at Smuggling Over a Kilo of Cocaine Into JFK International Airport (Inside of a Diaper)
Date: 12/26/2014
Location: New York, N.Y.
Crime: Drug trafficking
Ratchet Meter: 6
A man from the Dominican Republic was caught trying to smuggle over a kilo of cocaine stashed inside of a diaper at JFK International Airport on Christmas Eve.
The New York Daily News reports that Marlon Andujar Penzo appeared nervous after touching down on a Jet Blue flight from Santo Domingo on Tuesday. When Customs and Borders Protection officers began patting him down, they noticed something unusually bulky around his groin. They discovered that, not only was Penzo wearing a diaper, but the diaper contained 1.5 kilos of a substance which tested positive for cocaine.
During questioning, Penzo admitted to being paid $6,000 to traffic the drugs into the U.S., then pass them off to a contact which he obviously never reached.
This latest incident marks yet another failed JFK International cocaine smuggling attempt.
[via New York Daily News]
Middle School Teacher, Husband Busted for Allowing Students to Smoke Weed in Their Home
Date: 12/23/2014
Location: Atlanta, Ga.
Crime: Possession of marijuana less than an ounce, keeping a disorderly house, and contributing to the delinquency of minors
Ratchet Meter: 5
An Atlanta middle school teacher was arrested along with her husband earlier this week for allegedly allowing minors to smoke marijuana at their home.
According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, a group of parents initially tipped police off about potential illegal activity taking place at 40-year-old Christine Cantrell's home. That activity was later confirmed to authorities by Cantrell's Teasley Middle School students. Both Cantrell and her husband, 45-year-old Jeff Cantrell, were arrested at their home on Tuesday.
The Cantrells face charges for possession of marijuana less than an ounce, keeping a disorderly house, and contributing to the delinquency of minors. Barbara Jacoby, spokeswoman for the Cherokee County School District, told WSBTV that Cantrell has been "reassigned to a non-classroom setting" pending the outcome of an investigation.
[via Atlanta Journal-Constitution and WSBTV]
Convicted Felon Arrested After Threatening to Kill Police, “Innocent White Children” on Facebook
Date: 12/26/2014
Location: Chicago, Ill.
Ratchet Meter: 7
A man from the Chicago suburbs is in custody after threatening to kill police officers and "innocent white children" on Facebook.
NBC Chicago reports that 33-year-old Aries Woodfin went the extra mile, posting photos of white children to accompany his threats. The posts were seen by a woman, who then reached out to police in Alabama. They contacted the Chicago Police Department, who opened an investigation on Woodfin.
Woodfin was arrested on Friday evening. Police discovered a .45-caliber pistol, a homemade gun range, and used bullet casings inside of a Ford Heights home where he used to reside.
On Saturday, Woodfin was charged with illegal gun possession, disorderly conduct, failure to have a valid firearm owner's identification card, and assault.
This comes after NYPD officers Rafael Ramos and Wenjian Liu were killed while sitting in their vehicle last Saturday by Ismaayil Brinsley.
[via NBC Chicago]
Police in Tennessee Arrest Woman Who Pointed Weapon at Them, Shot at Pedestrians
Date: 12/27/2014
Location: Chattanooga, Tenn.
Crime: Attempted first-degree murder, possession of a firearm in commission of a felony, reckless endangerment, evading arrest, and aggravated assault
Ratchet Meter: 8
Authorities in Tennessee arrested a woman last week after she threatened them with a weapon and shot at pedestrians, all while wearing body armor.
According to the Times Free Press, officers with the Chattanooga Police Department were summoned regarding shots fired just before 4 p.m. on Friday. Two people told police that Julia Shields, 45, pulled up to them at a stop sign and opened fire from her vehicle. That's when calls began to pour in from other people claiming that Shields pointed her 9mm handgun at them as she drove past.
After shooting at another vehicle, Shields reportedly took refuge in the parking lot of Stuart Heights Baptist Church. That's where police found her, triggering a high-speed chase down Highway 153. The wild ride finally came to an end after she pointed her gun at an officer and was taken into custody.
Shield was charged with attempted first-degree murder, possession of a firearm in commission of a felony, reckless endangerment, evading arrest, and aggravated assault.
[via Times Free Press]
Man Shot, Arrested After Pleasuring Himself in Public and Stealing a Woman's Dog
Date: 12/30/2014
Location: Bensalem, Pa.
Crime: Burglary and assault
Ratchet Meter: 10
Police in suburban Philadelphia arrested a man who was shot by the resident of a home after masturbating on a woman's deck, breaking into her apartment, and stealing her dog.
NBC Philadelphia reports that Angel Suarez Medero was seen on the second-floor balcony of a Bensalem, Pa. apartment just before 9 p.m. yesterday. That's when the home's female resident saw him “touching himself inappropriately,” as Fred Harran, Director of Public Safety for the Bensalem Police Department, put it. After forcing his way into the apartment, Suarez Medero took the woman's dog and fled.
Suarez Medero proceeded to break into an apartment one floor below, fighting two of the residents. During the ensuing struggle, one of them retrieved a gun, shooting Suarez Medero twice. Not even those two bullet wounds could stop him from him from continuing to fight until police arrived.
According to NBC Philadelphia, Suarez Medero underwent surgery at Aria-Torresdale Hospital, where he remains in critical condition. To add insult to injury, he faces burglary and assault charges. As for the man who shot Suarez Medero, he will not be charged.
[via NBC Philadelphia]
Never Lie to Police in New Jersey, Then Ask Them for a Ride. Like, Ever.
Date: 12/28/2014
Location: Burlington City, N.J.
Crime: Filing a false crime report
Ratchet Meter: 8
A man was arrested in New Jersey over the weekend for calling police to report a disturbance, then treating responding officers like Uber when they arrived.
The Burlington County Times reports that Kurt Smith of Burlington City, N.J. called the New Jersey State Police from the office of a Red Lion Motel on Sunday afternoon. Smith claimed that someone was making a scene, but when troopers arrived, all they found was the 56-year-old Smith in need of a ride to the convenience store. He got a ride to jail instead.
Smith, who the Times says has a 26-year history of fucking up in the eyes of the law, faces charges for filing a false crime report. He insists that it's just one big misunderstanding, but he'd likely say that about his track record with police.
Don't play around with the law.
[via Burlington County Times]
Florida Couple Arrested Following Domestic Dispute Involving Box of Condoms as Weapon
Date: 12/29/2014
Location: Bradenton, Fla.
Crime: Domestic battery charges
Ratchet Meter: 7
A Florida (Florida, it's always Florida) couple was arrested this past weekend after a dispute led to a young woman hitting a young man in the eye with a box of condoms.
The Smoking Gun reports that William Hessian and Dominique Claridge, both 19, argued inside of Hessian's car near the Bradenton, Fla. home where they reside. Hessian told police that Claridge accused him of flirting with another girl, then struck him in the face with the condoms so hard that it left bruising around his eye.
Claridge told a slightly different tale. While she admitted to hitting Hessian with the condoms, she told authorities that it was because he slapped her and tried to throw her out of the vehicle. Unable to identify the aggressor (Hessian claims Claridge punched him multiple times, as well), police arrested Hessian and Claridge on domestic battery charges.
The couple that goes to court together, breaks up. Hopefully.
[via The Smoking Gun]
Florida Woman Decapitated By Son Who Didn't Want to Do Chores
Date: 12/31/2014
Location: Oldsmar, Fla.
Crime: First degree murder
Ratchet Meter: 10
A Florida man allegedly cut his mother's head off on New Year's Eve because she was nagging him about doing chores.
According to the Associated Press, emergency dispatchers received a 911 call on Wednesday night from 27-year-old Mario Gomez. Gomez claimed that his 23-year-old brother, Christian, had decapitated their mother outside of their Oldsmar, Fla. home. Emergency responders confirmed the murder, discovering the body of Maria Suarez-Cassagne after venturing to the scene.
Pinellas County Sheriff Bob Gualtieri told the Associated Press that Christian Gomez spent two days plotting the murder, eventually using an ax to cut the woman's head off in the home's garage. He then reportedly left the body near garbage cans outside of the home.
The Associated Press reports that jealousy and his mother's request that he help out around the house prompted Gomez's disturbing actions:
Gomez was upset with his mother because she wanted him to move boxes around the house, and he was jealous of the attention Suarez-Cassagne paid to his brother, Gualtieri said.
Gomez, who suffers from schizophrenia, was arrested and charged with first-degree murder.
[via Associated Press]
Crackhead Couple Spends Two Days “Trapped” in Unlocked Closet
Date: 12/30/2014
Location: Daytona, Fla.
Crime: Trespassing
Ratchet Meter: 8
Mr. Mackey has never been more right. A Florida couple high on meth or crack (or maybe even both) were arrested Tuesday after being discovered in a janitor's closet. John Arwood and Amber Campbell said they spent two days "trapped" in the closet after being chased inside.
When police arrived they found a door that doesn't lock and paraphernalia used for smoking meth or crack. However, no drugs were found, so the two were just arrested for trespassing.
No word on if their self-imprisonment will count toward their sentences.
[via news.com.au]
